ghost..

what was i thinkin..?? i shouldn't have & i mustn't have..!

it is still buggin me even though it has been YEARS since i promised myself NOT to see what i'm not supposed to see, NOT to hear what i'm not supposed to hear & NOT to read what i'm not supposed to read..you couldn't help it, could you? curiousity killed the cat, get it..? i can be such a dumb-ass at times..!

i wish i didn't have to know about it from the BEGINNIN so that i can avoid all this self-complications..

**screw YOU, coward mothafucker.. even after all these years..

i SOLD my SOUL to the Devil.. literally..

i have to admit.. i do miss the Powersuits, the stockins & covered shoes, the cup & saucer/tall glass approach.. but most of all, i miss Pru.. i think it has grown on me.. when you say "PROFESSIONAL", it's Pru that comes to mind..

i look around me & see these people in their flip-flops, open-toes and sandals with little or no make-up & it irks me so much..! the partitioned cubicles & people sittin there with sweaters & cardigans just makes my hair stand..! i have nothin against these people, truthfully.. it's just that the whole slacked "formal" attire that they impose doesn't seem justified enough for me.. you may sound "professional" but you don't strike to me as one.. maybe i'm just not used to the whole environment yet but then again, i hope i don't get accustomed because i don't wish to..!

i made friends with the new batch & apparently the only other malay girl happens to share the same birth date as me.. how cool is that..? haha..!

well this is the just the beginnin.. let's see if i can outsmart the Devil into returnin my soul..

my bad..

..so i was wrong..

i had a blast for my 26th [eve].. all thanks to those who came up with the lepak-ing idea on that fateful saturday.. haha..!

birthday eve, went to watch Fast & Furious 4 with HuBBy, the boys & Armelia.. then we headed down to Ming Arcade & joined the remainin casts for karaoke session.. & they got me a CAKE..! hehehe..

came home & got another surprise.. my whole family was at my place & sittin on the coffee table was The ELMO Cake..! i love it..! so sayang.. i couldn't bear to cut the whole cake so i cut AROUND Elmo.. hahaha..!

thank you HuBBy for the wonderful surprise.. love you..!

thank you to all for the warm wished & those who remembered my birthday..

anyway, my uncle from KL passed away on the same day of my 26th.. haven't seen him for about 5 or 6 years now but we weren't very close.. what a closure..

**it wasn't so bad afterall..

drivin miss daisy.. drivin me crazy..

i've lost my drive & feel insecure about what's goin to happen next.. nothin seems right & apparently i'm attractin unhealthy aura of pessimism.. i forsee an unhappy 26th next week but i guess i'll only know when it comes..

what's goin to happen next..?
what should i do..?

the best thing..

..about now is that now i have time to do whatever that i have planned out in the recent months but there is a slight problem.. i need a job to fulfil that plan.. *sigh*

so unsucessful for the past month & i am really hopin that somethin comes UP soon before "somethin else" comes OUT because if it does, then i am in big, big trouble for the next few months.. *crosses fingers*

guess what i did one evenin to HuBBy while he was pretendin not to hear me while i was tellin him the wonderful story of how i spent my day at home & the strange things that i found while cleanin the house..?



BUT i'm not lettin him pierce his ears though..! of course not..! haha..! but it's cute on him, isn't it..?

**sigh

so-ooo belated...

i have been lazy...

& confused...

& angry...

anyway, i drafted my thank you SMS but i didn't send it out because it was very long & i wanted to say it in person but i thought it'll be too gaudy, if you know what i mean.. here goes..

"Dear frens...
Thank you so very much from the bottom of our hearts for all your hardwork, dedication & sacrifices in makin our weddin such a memorable & beautiful one... You guys have done so much that we can't thank you enough...

Ayu & Yandi, thank you for the marvellous dance, kompang, hairstylin, samping ikat-ing, songkok..

Sara & Haas, thank you for the car, the beautiful makeup, the digital album..

Mother & Hairin, thank you for being there emotionally & rushin down for the nikah, i really appreciate that..

Ida & Andai, thank you for your patience, assistance throughout, lettin us use the car to ferry us back & forth & keepin our nerves calm with your antics..

Above all, thank you for standin by us throughout the whole plannin process up to the weddin itself.. It has been our Dream Weddin come true..! Our thanks also to Abg Dzul & Yanny as well as to Shedah & partner (sorry babe, we didn't catch his name.. :p)..

You guys are the best..!

Love iDa & MaN"



well, i'm still job huntin & it hasn't been easy.. so tired of playin "housewife" & i'm gettin bored by the day.. somebody save my soul..! poor HuBBy has to work extra, extra hard & it's all because of me.. story of my life..

treadmill...

i'm runnin...

...& still runnin...

...& runnin somemore...

list of events that kept me [& still is keepin me] on my toes...


shoppin for that last few items in KL.. - 221108


Servcorp Christmas Party 2008 - 041208


the day i "sneaked" out to buy Love's birthday gift..


Andai's birthday...


photoshoot @ mt. faber..


Love's birthday...

...& the list goes on & on & on...

ANYWAYS...

CONGRATULATIONS TO MY DEAREST AUDREY ON HER UPCOMING WEDDING..!

**sigh

i am not allowed authorized to get angry...

Tick Tock

i haven't had the time for anythin.. had like hundred-ish unread emails & workload just piles up each & every day.. i don't even have time to do housekeepin to my work email.. [so much for 20 mails only in the inbox..] i think i have about close to 300 emails that i haven't sorted out yet..

even after the whole:
1) marketin thingy,
2) Mr. Galavazi's China trip,
3) Christophe's expenses, hotels & flights to Hong Kong, Beijing, Shanghai, Manila, Seoul & Bangkok for the month of October [& i have not included the amendments he made me go through!],
4) Gerard's appointments with the publishin companies,
5) Bart's hotel reservations & arrangements for the upcomin OSEA december convention in Suntec &
6) the remainin itsy-bitsy minor blunders that i made at work,

i still don't have time to even dye my hair black, let alone to cut my hair..!

i missed out my Hari Raya entries, my A7X entry & i can't remember what comes next after those..

i shall go rest my brain for now.. there's so many things in it that i even dream of work..! HELP ME..!

**gosh..

Madness..

yesterday reminded me why i don't go to the Geylang bazaar anymore for the past few years.. because of my need to get wood flowers & that i am choosy & won't allow my sister to get them, i had to try my hardest to be oblivious to the maddening crowd but apparently it just got the better of me...

there i was, a frown on my face, pushin through the crowd, thinkin & swearin mentally..what the hell was i thinkin..?? but since i was already there, what the heck.. let's just get this over & done with..

finally got my flowers & Burger Ramly.. when i got home i realized i stank of food & sweat but i guess i was just too tired for anythin.. passed out the moment i got out of the shower & changed into my PJs..

one more thing.. i thought i saw Si-Namanyer-Hairin aka DaDDy at Geylang but i don't know if it is really him because i am short-sighted & can be as blind as a bat sometimes..

guess what..! we ARE goin to Avenged Sevenfold concert..! YIPPIE..! so lookin forward to this..

**no more..

s|nGLeS_OuT Iftar 2008

yet another splendid out-ing... without me realising it, i have been late on a couple of occasions already eh..? sorry babes.. they were not intended & were unavoidable.. will remember to be punctual next time ok..?

iftar @ Desa Kartika & it was probably one of the scariest experiences i've encountered.. when a'Ne called the lady for some rice, she served me rice like as if i've not eaten for a month.. so there was this mountain of rice & i was virtually scratchin my head, wonderin how was i supposed to finish it..

**s|z: i think she need to go for course on how to POUR rice..

..so, i looked at the dishes on the table & most of what i saw had vegtables in them so i settled with the chicken & 2 pieces of cuttlefish with the plain rice BUT not without 1st attackin the Tahu Telor!!



this was not done by me.. it was already like that [done by a'Ne] when i arrived.. & there was also the loose tiles beside me.. each time one of the servers walk by me, i could hear the tiles cracklin.. the "Brain-Twins" were already full by the time i was halfway done with my food..



it was great.. it always feels great when i'm out with them..

so don't forget november ok..? there's the kain to find, the rental of baju & [hopefully..] the photoshoot.. now i'm feelin the excitement.. haha..!

mark it on your calender, ladies; 18 october shall be our next out-ing ok..? e-BoO's drivin..!

back.. to black..

remember the unsettlin feelin that i had about a month ago..? well it came back.. just as i thought i've put everythin aside & moved on, the feelin came back again.. i'm gettin bouts of restlessness & it's killin me.. it really is..

been thinkin of a million ways to get rid of this mad sentiment but nothin seems to work.. just got to live with it i guess..

on the bright side, we're gettin bits & pieces for the crib.. slow progress but gettin somewhere.. eventually.. anyone wants to volunteer to assist..? there's paintin, re-wirin, fixin.. you know, things of those sorts..

**i miss MY BESTIE.. very, very, very much...

mis-understood..?

finally today was the last trainin.. was a bit quiet though, probably because Cyn & Cher wasn't around..

i just hope what i was tryin to say durin the trainin didn't come across as rude or blunt because i really mean no disrespect.. what i really meant to say was that i love my original team members & i am sad that they had to be transferred else where BUT that doesn't mean that i dislike the current team i'm workin with.. i have a fabulous senior receptionist & [i quote from Sam] fantastic personal assistant on board Prudential so there shouldn't be any problem..

all i need is probably a little more time to adjust to this new team.. i mean i'm not a great office assistant myself, let alone being in this new personal assistant role & there is so much i have to learn from them.. my emotions were triggered the moment Anna mentioned about how Auds & Aida left for 6 Batt.. sorry, i couldn't help it..

**chin up

anyway, i met up with my Lady Bee & Herman last friday.. gosh i missed her SO MUCH..! really had lots of catchin up to do & apparently 4 hours was just not enough.. thank goodness she's only across the road from Prudential so now i have a potential lunch-mate..! can't believe how small this country is.. not only is Herman in a relationship with Bee, he's also Alexis' cousin..



can't wait to see her again.. Sayang, shall we do A7X concert with Bee & Herman..?

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday
- Lucky, Jason Mraz feat. Colbie Caillat

Ramadan

it has begun..

Selamat Berpuasa to all of you..

i'm losin weight & i'm gettin worried.. doesn't feel healthy, just doesn't feel right..

Kill Them With Kindness

Kill Them With Kindness

that's the advice my Snr Manager always gives to us when we're faced with difficult clients.. apparently, kindness is killin me..

sometimes it doesn't pay to be kind.. you give them love, they throw crap in your face.. what the hell am i toleratin that for..? at the end of the day, i'm cleanin up all those crap & for what..? nothin..! PRECISELY..! there's only so much i can take & i guess Lilian was right.. i have to control myself or it'll show.. that i did but i don't know for how long i'm able to hold on..

of late, i have death on my mind.. you know, how does it feel to die..? what happens after you die..? do they have books on how to die..? sometimes i wish i'm dead.. i find my presence to be of a nuisance & quite redundant i can say.. what am i here for..? it's not like my presence will or can make any difference to anyone, right..?

right..?

friends.. forever..?

friends.. forever..?

there is an unsettlin feelin that has been botherin me of late.. it just makes me feel so restless & unsure about things.. maybe it's just the guilts of the past that's out to haunt me, well at least i hope that's what they are..

i guess havin friends are not as simple as it seems.. it does take a lot of effort to build one & maintain it.. some just come & go into our lives but some remain throughout.. i have a feelin that one of it is breakin away from me.. gosh.. that's goin to be a tough one.. friends for the longest time & things change, just like that..

i'm yearnin to meet my ladies.. i wonder how they are right now.. i miss them so much..

**can't take it.. just wishin school's totally over, drivin's done, promotion's confirmed & big day's passed.. the anxiety of it all..! i think about all these everyday, 24/7 & it's gettin to me.. everythin's neither here nor there.. nothin is fixed.. bummer..

get-away

get-away

spent the weekend in Genting with my sis & the 2 'bodyguards'... got the bus on friday night & reached at about 5.30am.. groggy & sleepy, i stepped out of the bus only to find myself freezin to death..!



the theme park opens only at 8am so we spent the next 2½ hours checkin in our bags, walkin around to find somewhere warm to eat our already-cold "breakfast", wash up & queue for our entry wristbands for the theme park rides..! haha..!

we tried all the thriller rides 1st so as to avoid disappointment & thankfully we did because by noon people started streamin into the theme park & everyone was everywhere & i don't do well with crowds..

glad i had that short break.. really needed to clear my head & more importantly i had fun!

i am a disappointment

i am a disappointment

i let my best friend down.. i think she really hates me now.. i wish that i could make things right between us again..

she has been my bestest friend for the longest time, even longer than my fiance.. i never realized that i have been takin her for granted until the day she said, "Don't make me hate you." i knew she meant it but i was i coward.. i couldn't get myself to tell her the truth about that saturday.. she must be really disappointed & i know i don't deserve to be forgiven..

all the years we've been friends, i have always had the fullest respect for her.. she was more than a friend, she is like a sister to me; my family..

i haven't been able to do anythin right, thinkin of how much i must have hurt her.. things have never been the same eversince..

she's my maid-of-honour & i will not get that replaced by anyone else.. it's her or no one..

so if you have a best friend, never take him or her for granted because you'll never know when things will get out of hand & you may lose that friendship..

1 down, 2 more to go!

1 down, 2 more to go!

yeah..! completed my 1st module..! now on to the next round, the "road trip".. gotta work on my left & right bends & turnin... need help desperately...

received upsettin news of late.. my manager & my colleague is leavin the company... in fact, aNNiE's last day was today... didn't get the chance to say a proper goodbye to her... i'm goin to miss her so much...

so very much...

went to watch a movie few days back with SaV, AuD, CyN, cHeR, iNDa, FanGQi..



i SO LOVE the movie..! it's one of those movies that you'll always remember.. i might need to start looking for the series.. hahaha..! i don't believe it but i actually ACTUALLY cried like 4 or 5 times throughout the movie! it was THAT FANTASTIC..!

watchin the movie reminds me so much of my s|nGLeS_OuT ladies.. i don't know how to explain it but it really does.. gosh.. i really don't mind watchin it again though.. *hint hint* anyone up for SATC..?

breather

breather

so i'm now almost completin my module one BUT i've got to wait for at least another month before i can continue my lessons.. gosh.. i should have booked my lessons earlier.. i'm sproutin more grey hair because of this.. grrr.. well, at least i'm reachin somewhere rather than stay stagnant & procrastinate on continuin it.. 6 long years.. *sigh* what the heck was i thinkin..?

i've already gotten most of my stuffs so i'm left to call up a couple of places to confirm my bookings & such.. got to take note of a few dates like 9th July, 13th August & most importantly 10th January..