never say goodbye..

never say goodbye..


the internet connection at home [once again] is down.. thank goodness i've checked my mails & did whatever is necessary before the connection died on me..

had dinner on monday [24th] with saadia, sarim, eron, rahmat, nurul, umair & steve.. wow..! i guess that was the biggest group i've went out with for dinner or such.. saadia's leavin on the 28th [don't remember if i mentioned that before in previous entries..] so the guys did this dinner for her.. was great..! well, there's food involve so it has to be great.. hehe~ we ate at Amirah's Grill down at Pahang Street.. somewhere in the vincinity of the Arab Street area.. we had a spread of Egytian/Middle Eastern dishes.. also had mushroom soup, 2 different types of dips, some garlic breads & variety of drinks.. oh, not forgettin dessert.. there was vanilla ice-cream & caramel pudding involved.. after stuffin ourselves with the food [thank goodness it wasn't too much] sarim ordered Teh Tarik for everyone & i ordered a mint tea instead since i don't drink Teh Tarik.. nurul & umair left early so that leaves the 6 of us [or rather 5] to finish the Teh Tarik..

was great fun hangin out with them.. i don't know them that well but they are a cool bunch.. too bad saadia has to leave but being someone who is very family-oriented, i'm sure she misses her family a lot.. i can understand how she feels..

something sparked off a sarcasm war between me & the old man at home.. once again, my patience is tested.. once again, i've to tolerate false accusations from him.. just recently, my mum started a cold war with me.. why..? beats me.. it's been almost a week since she's been doin this & now a tolerance test from my dad.. what's next..? things are lookin like they are back to square one.. what the heck is goin on..? *SIGH* just as i thought things are gettin better but i guess my thoughts are wrong.. i absolutely don't understand what is goin on around the house & ironically i'm at home most of the time.. i didn't even go for my check up today.. was unsure if i should ask my dad for some cash for the check up.. i mean, like i mentioned, there was a sarcasm war goin on.. hopefully everythin will end soon.. i F-ing hate it when shit like these happens.. it just spoils my day..

anyway, i have a job interview later at 3.30 @ Raffles Place.. kind of nervous about it.. please pray that everythin goes smoothly.. i really am in need of a job right now..

it's just emotions..

it's just emotions..


i had a chat with aDeK FiD the day before yesterday but unfortunately the conversation got cut off when a call came in.. it amazed me how emotionally smart she was, considering the fact that i don't let out a 100% of my thoughts into my entries.. yes, i do vent my anger out publicly & yes, i do shed my tears in the open without being seen but trust me, they are never fully expressed.. when she told me that i needed a companion through these times, i had to agree.. no matter how much i bluff myself that i can go through these periods alone, i don't deny that i need that other arm of support..

from the start, i saw & witnessed for myself how friends turned their backs against me because of my condition.. look at the number of people who suddenly 'emerged' with apologies & 'reasons' [more like excuses] for their disappearance..

"hey..! i heard you can walk.. so can we go out on a date now?"
"so how's the leg? great..! how does dinner tomorrow sound?"
"sorry i didn't visit you while you were in hospital.. was busy with some stuffs.."
"sorry i haven't been calling you.. didn't want to further upset you with my presence.."
"great to hear the cast is off.. do you still look the same or are you fatter now?"

those are just the few.. there's more but i don't want to go further.. it does hurt but hey.. it's human nature.. i can't go around pointin out people's flaws.. sorry if i hurt anyone with those remarks.. thanks aDeK for openin my eyes & makin me realise that i have to be true to myself..

anyway, i'm havin difficulties fallin in love.. really..! stupid & strange as it may sound, i definitely feel that i do.. there's a guy who i've known for slightly over 3 years.. i loved him once & i felt that i still do but when he came back into my life, it just felt different.. there's another guy who i've known for less than half a year but he seems to know me inside out.. he's sweet, considerate & lovin but i can't reciprocate the feelin.. another soul that i knew, he's like a lady's man.. suave & charmin but his sugar-coated words can't seem to move me..

i can get along well with these creatures but for some reason when they try to get closer beyond friendship, i get the chills.. you get what i'm tryin to say..? hey, they are great people who make great friends but that doesn't mean they would make great companions.. don't get me wrong here.. i'm still tryin to resolve this issue & find a solution to this setback.. i'm not out to hurt anyone's feelings [as i've mentioned many, many times before] but i'm just leavin my options open.. i'm not just goin to jump into a relationship with any Tom, Dick or Harry like i used to do.. hell no..!

oh darn it.. yet another long entry.. sorry guys.. hehe..

another long entry.. *SIGH*

another long entry.. *SIGH*


HAPPY 47TH & 55TH BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAREST MUM & MAMA..! may God bless you with more happiness.. LOVE YOU BOTH..

i got back from JB yesterday.. reached home quite close to 5, had dinner with my family & fell asleep while talkin to aYuL.. well, we both fell asleep at about the same time..

left on Sunday evenin with MuM.. thanks to HaiZiR, his mum & 2 sisters fetched us from our place & sent us to our JB house.. reached there at about 11 & was in total darkness.. hehe.. managed to open the door to the house [with much difficulties].. thank goodness i have cute, small hands.. haha..! anyway, after a quick shower, helped my mum rearrange the furniture & hang the curtains up.. made coffee & went to bed with my mum.. we fell asleep at about 5 in the mornin but MuM woke up at 7..! what was she thinkin..? i woke up at 10.30, took my shower & went down for late breakfast.. MuM already cooked lunch apparently.. we went to my aunt's place & slightly after noon, my uncle sent her to the bus interchange.. i lazed around at my aunt's place until evenin until NoRLy [HaiZiR's sister] msged me sayin that she was on the way to my place..

half an hour after she arrived, i was still cleanin up the kitchen.. hehe.. left my house quite close to 9 & we chatted a bit in the car while on the way to her place at Taman Daya.. reached there & HaiZiR's already up & was eatin in the kitchen.. he said i've become fat..! but i don't care.. hehe~ chilled with his family & all.. had satay, played nanny to his twin nephews, watched tv well, basically did nothin.. watched The Fast & Furious: Tokyo Drift with HaiZiR & then he left me alone & went to bed.. darn him.. couldn't sleep so flipped through the DVD album & got bored so i tried to sleep.. rolled over a couple of times & finally fell asleep..

the next day, i woke up just to find HaiZiR & one of the twins lookin down at me.. bloody shocker..! what a way to wake up..! that idiot..! apparently the whole household's already up so i decided to get my butt off the bed & head for the shower.. had brunch & waited for HaiZiR to shower & change & we headed back to s'pore.. it was rainin heavily [& i mean REALLY heavy..] when we left but alhamdullilah the journey back was smooth.. reached home & well.. you know what happened next.. SLEEP..!

hehe..~ noticed how many times the word "SLEEP" appeared in this entry..? really have been slackin.. oh well, what new..?

to draw the line..

to draw the line..


this is going to be a slightly lengthy entry.. bear with me people..

last saturday we went to the Johor house.. it was great fun as we witnessed the house being transformed into a [2nd] home.. they washed the floor & fixed stuff while i stayed in the kitchen to wash dishes & towels & prepared snacks.. talk about F&B.. in the late afternoon, the furniture came, the electrical appliances came & it was just lovely.. my uncle fixed the lighting "problem" so that we won't be in the dark that night..

i really love that house.. it's just so much more comfortable to live in compared to the previous house in Kuala Lumpur & it's not that difficult or far to get to the house..

pertaining to the trip, it has made me a little pissed off.. i went there to enjoy myself & relax, which i almost did, but the teasin & so-called "jokes" that my parents made got me a little mad.. he's my FRIEND.. just my FRIEND.. i'm sure i made myself really clear that there's nothin going on between us so why can't you guys just leave me alone..? stop botherin me with stupid remarks & comments.. i'm not tryin to be rude or anythin but it seems like a deja vu.. i've been through this while workin at O'Briens & i don't think i want to go through it again..

i've not talk to this FRIEND for a couple of days because i'm angry.. not because he was in the way while we were all up there at the Johor house like he thought.. i'm angry because people keep sayin that we're "together" when we're not & they keep teasin me about it.. i don't know who i should be mad at.. my family? him? or myself? my mum gave me a hard time yesterday & today about this issue.. i hate talkin about it.. i really, really F-ing hate to talk about it.. it gets on my nerves everytime she starts that conversation..

will somebody just save me from this torture..? i can't stand it.. i don't want to cut myself off from everyone but if that is what it takes to stop all these nonsence, then i shall have to do it..

movin away from this topic, i think i've made a mistake somewhere.. a BIG mistake.. i've got to clean it up soon or i'm going to hurt another person's feelin.. i'm going to need my thinkin corner now..

Mini Beach Day

Mini Beach Day




i had great fun today.. i went for a Mini Beach Day & thoroughly, thoroughly enjoyed myself..

had chocolate waffles with hazelnut ice-cream for breakfast, reached palawan & tried to do a walk to siloso.. hehehe.. madness..! reached the carpark & had iced tea at Coffeebean to cool off.. it was freakin hot i tell you..! decided to continue the journey to siloso by the mini-tram thing.. trekked through the hot sand to the beach & dipped my feet into the clear warm water.. refreshin as it has always been.. i miss the beach.. the waves, the sand, the breeze.. it felt like as if i'm recoverin from amnesia or somethin..

lunch, went to Delifrance & ordered my usual chicken crossaint sandwich & then headed to the Merlion & walked at the mosaic-tiled fountains.. had ice-cream & headed to the Carlsberg Sky Tower & had a 360 degrees view of the island & s'pore too.. breathtakin panoramic view [& scary too..] 110 metres tall tower with a 131 metres [above sea level] high view.. amazin don't you think..? then went to laze at the other Coffeebean with iced tea [again] & watched the view from there.. really didn't feel like movin away from that spot..

sittin there, the view of the sky, the trees.. really took my mind off other things.. a totally blank, worry-free mind.. well it probably does sound borin but once you've tried it, you'll want to do it again.. took the cable car back to mainland & it just felt like as if i was on it for the first time..

really had a great mini beach day.. thank you, my friend.. you know who you are.. thank you for making it happen.. i appreciate it..

Clairvoyance

My 150th Entry In This Blog


had a really fillin weekend.. oh, Happy Youth Day by the way.. hehe~ did a shoppin trip on saturday [not for myself though] & had crayfish pasta for dinner at the new moonfish restaurant at marina square.. yummy i tell you..

sunday i had a lunch date at bugis & walked around for a bit & then met sTeVe, Sa'aDia & SaRiM for Superman Returns.. no comments on that for now..

i went to the library today.. yes the National Library.. for some reason i just felt like going there.. weird.. i think i've found a book that is closely related to 'Clairvoyance'.. it's by Gabrielle Roth & entitled 'Connections: The Five Threads of Intuitive Wisdom'.. ahh.. another book to read.. how lovely..

anyway, on my way home, i met MeeRuL..! i was thinkin of him last night & there he was in front of me..! haha.. it was great to see him again.. miss him so much..! now the 3 of us can get together again [iDaDi, MeeRuL & me..!] like we did years ago.. hehe~ oh the memories.. he's a great buddy.. i still can't forget the look on his face when he saw me.. he still had that worried look on his face.. he just can't stop worryin, can he..? well, i'll go reminice now..