the Sunday trip


yesterday went to Johor with MuM, MaMa, UncLe & the 2 rascals.. khehe.. had lunch at Aska the Japanese restaurant @ Hyatt Regency.. Japanese food is really a stranger to me.. i had a rough idea of what to have but it totally was not of any use to me.. MuM & me, we had garlic rice with chicken, mackerel, beef & soft tofu, egg & mushroom.. YUCK i tell you..! the meat was sweet, the egg was half cooked & the mackerel was bone-ful..! it's not somethin i'd like for lunch.. well, next we went to the sushi bar & picked out some sushi munchies.. oh gosh.. i almost ate the one with the roe but the sushi's not so bad except it left this raw taste in my mouth.. i was squirmin in my seat every time i bit into the raw meat.. hehe~ then i headed straight for the mini desert.. i grabbed a slice of chocolate fudge cake, some eclairs & the chocolate tarts.. MuM had the honeydew pudding, strawberry jelly & cheese slice.. yummy..!

after all that, MaMa, UncLe & the 2 rascals joined us from their lunch at the coffeehouse.. we ordered the real DESERT.. The Tutty Fruity a.k.a The Devil in Disguise..! khehehe~ it's a 30-40 cm tall glass with multiple scoops of ice-cream with strawberries & papaya cubes in it..! just think of Swensen's Earthquake.. that's how large it was..! now THAT is YUMMY..!



after all that, my mothers decided to go to Angsana & we spent a lot of time there walkin around & they bought some stuffs.. next stop was this shoppin centre that i've forgotten the name.. we went to this shop that sold frames, mirrors & decoration stuffs.. They bought more stuffs there & then we went to this boutique just 3 shops away.. the 1st rascal & i bought a pretty cute top.. well, it's more like a jacket/blazer.. don't really know what to call it..

got home quite close to midnight.. imagine..! from 8am all the way until 12mn..! crazy..! & so that was how i spent my sunday..

grandma..


i was just talkin to her last tuesday & now she's really ill.. down with food poisonin.. imagine being waken up at 8 in the mornin with the news of your one & only grandma being really sick..? how does that make you feel? i really hope she gets better.. i've got no other grandparents besides her & she's such a darlin.. well, most grandparents are, aren't they..?

so here i am by myself & the 2 rascals, who are literally never at home, which technically makes me all alone at home.. no worries.. all the skills i've learnt & picked up while being in this state of limited mobility will not go to waste... hehehe~ i can move around by myself.. get food & stuff.. watch tv.. washroom.. those i can do.. NO PROBLEM..!

i was surprised.. you remembered that small detail in our conversation & we spoke of that like a week ago.. nobody would remember a thing like that.. that's how sweet & thoughtful you are.. take care, good luck for the tournament & yes, i will miss you over the weekend.. thank you also for listenin to me last night.. i really appreciate that..

shocked..!


guess who msged me yesterday? khehehe~ it was FaiZaL [sYeD].. sad but true.. oh well.. he asked the usual "how are you?", "what are you doin?" kind of questions.. nothin special.. thanks for being thoughtful though..

18 days to checkup.. WooHoo..! really can't wait..

MaMa is goin to bring us out this sunday.. another chance at breathin in the outside air again.. well, not that there is any much difference but it's good to go out sometimes.. i feel like window shoppin while out but i don't know.. i've lost touch with the so-called "trend" nowadays.. khehehe..

anyway, i fear that i might end up single for a long, long time.. i'm not really enjoyin it & by 'it' i mean singlehood.. how long has it been? let me see.. erm.. WoW..! 9 freakin months..! that's a record for me.. khehehe~ i miss havin someone who i can share my days, my woes & my joys with but i guess that has got to wait.. who would want me right now anyway..? i mean, a girl in a body cast & rides in a wheelchair? jeez.. get real..! so, there you go.. me & my blabbin again..

you think i'm cute..
you think i'm a little crazy..
you think i'm brave..
you say i'm beautiful..

all i can say to you is that you are all the above, not me.. you have made an impact in my life.. somehow, you did.. i never get tired of our conversations no matter how difficult it could be for us [sometimes] to understand.. i wish to wake up now but you keep holdin me back.. i want to snap back to the real world.. i can try to make the impossible happen but what if it doesn't..? there will be a risk involved here & i'm talkin about broken hearts, my dear..

again, i count down..


21 more days to my next check up..! i really can't wait.. this time i'm confident that the cast will be removed & hopefully i don't have to use the wheelchair anymore.. i know i'm able to walk pretty soon.. then i can go back to school, get a job, save up & go for a long holiday to a far away place.. just FYI, i'm not walkin yet.. still in wheechair..

maybe iDaDi's comin over this saturday.. so many things that we might need to go over together.. i'll try to help in whatever way possible, my dear..

we won't be hearin from each other for the next 2 days but it's ok.. i have other things to do too.. just hope that you don't overwork yourself & btw, about the soccer match this comin weekend, gd luck to you..! i'm sure you will win the match this time round... *WiNkZ*

Happy Mothers' Day


to all mothers everywhere.. to all mothers i know.. i LOVE you ladies..

i hate it when the weekend comes.. it just means i have to live through 2 quiet nights.. quiet nights are good actually but it gives me this anxiety problem especially on sunday.. can't wait for monday to come..! not that it's so far away.. hehehe~ it's tomorrow..!

anyway, yes i have changed my background music yet again.. far away.. that's where you are..

Laila Isabella


yes.. it did bring back memories.. i do like Laila Isabella but it just reminds me so much of aZMaN & it doesn't help that Rosyam Nor's character's name was "AzaM".. all the fun & crazy times we spent.. how we actually managed to even broach the topic of likin each other.. hehe~ that was funny.. how we so-called "accidentally" held each others hand but because we were "pretendin" we were celebratin valentines' day, it was considered ok.. oh those memories..!

BUT it's ok.. *WiNkZ* i shall sleep over it.. someone else has been busy occupyin my mind anyway so i'm sure i'm goin to be ok just that i need to stop floatin & do a reality check at some point soon.. hehe~ i'm goin to miss you today..

you got me there, baby..


i can't wait.. khehehe~ i think i will have to start a countdown for you then but it won't start anytime from now.. that'll take too long.. probably when i start my school term.. how about that?

anyway, i wrote a long letter to you & about you.. i'm not one who will verbally say it so i penned it down.. i wonder if you will ever get to read it.. some of my friends say that i'm crazy but sadly, i have to agree with them because you have driven me nuts..! why? i really don't know.. if i had the answer, i'd probably be with you now.. oh well..

Laila Isabella is showing later at 9:30.. i don't know if i should watch it.. it'll bring back memories of aZMaN & me.. not that it's goin to make me weep or anythin but some memories are best left forgotten.. the similarities in the story are really impeccable.. well, minus the part where Nasha Aziz finds out that Rosyam Nor is a rich fella.. this is the closest movie that one can watch if you want to know how our friendship was like..

hhmmm..


i think i love you. period.

erm.. help?


i don't know.. i feel like as if my privacy has been invaded & my movements are being watched.. I WANT MY BREATHIN SPACE..! even my parents don't do these to me.. jeez..!

you made me smile again yesterday.. i'm sorry i wasn't able to prolong our chat but let it be known that the few minutes that we spent means a lot to me.. till next time, my dear one..

just got news, 21st is the Perdana Semis.. still waitin for aZiLaH's reply..

smile..


you never fail to make me smile..

i kindda woke up at 3-ish just now & thought i'd have a glass of water & head back to bed but i just had this naggin feelin that i had to log in.. you were there..! & yes, i missed you too..! it was so sweet of you to hold on, with the assumption that i will be online at some point, although we both know that it's impossible to know when either of us will be online.. you don't know how much it meant to me when you acknowledged my presence.. you are the GREATEST..! i'm sure by now you do know that you are.. *sMiLe* please tell me it's not a dream because you're too good to be true & if it really is a dream, i don't want to wake up from it..

stop it eh..


why must i feel jealous everytime someone mentions him? [& i'm not talkin abt the '10,491 kilometers-far-away' him] he's like my bloody freakin friend for goodness' sake..! i've always think of him as a friend but of late i've been filled with jealousy everytime i know he's being mentioned by other people.. WTF?? i've gotta overcome this crappiness..

got news abt my iDaDi & her future plan that's hauntin her right now.. *SiGh* like some people say, some things just don't happen as we plan them to be.. i'm really happy for you, my girl.. first is aZiLaH & then it's you.. guess i should be next in line huh? khehehe~ amongst the 3 of us, i'm the eldest & like we planned & forseen, i should be the one to go 1st but it seems like you girls are way ahead of me.. oh well.. what can one do..? i just hope whatever happens, we won't part again because i don't think i want to wait 2 to 6 years to see you girls again.. you girls are just too precious to lose..

too bad i'm not really ready for another relationship or i could have joined my girls.. khehehe.. call me fussy, call me fickle but there's no one right now who can actually make me feel on cloud 9 like how i used to & those who can are always the ones who are impossible to be with.. jeez.. what is SO BLOODY wrong with me? khehehe~

votin day..!


1st things 1st, just ignore my previous entry.. i think i was high on somethin.. either that or i was just in my usual insomnic state.. hehe~

anyway, yes people.. it's votin day..! i woke up at like 8am from my 7am sleep thanks to my dad who insisted on being one of the early birds.. jeez.. it was pretty easy & quick too [like duh!] & since there was no one else in queue, it took us about 2 minutes to cast our votes.. why can't they just let us vote by sms? save all the hassle of goin down from my house.. sheesh..

i managed to rekindle my friendships with a lot of my long-lost friends.. aZiLah, iDaDi, WaDy, AnDy, MaMaT, NoRa, HaFiDz & others more.. isn't that great..? well, there are certain people & things in life that we tend to overlook & take for granted & when we actually realise what is actually happenin, there's no harm in admittin our mistakes & try to make up for it.. just like i'm tryin to do now..

oh man..! ok, i'm gonna quit blabberin already.. i'm goin back to sleep now..

can't help it..


what is wrong with me?

why do i smile when you are around?
why are you on my mind before i sleep?
why do i melt when i look into your eyes?
why do i miss you when we part?

oh dear.. this cannot be happenin..! it's not possible..

wishful thinkin on my part i guess..

..i think i'm goin crazy

somewhere across the globe..


he's just so cute..! his smile, the way he speaks english.. really cute..! ahh.. wish he was here.. i shall make plans to go there.. that will be about 10,491 kilometers away.. wOah..!

PROGRESS PACKAGE..! it was in last friday & my sister went to collect my last pay from o'briens & in total i'm $1,000 richer.. hehehe~ guess i will stay rich until june or whenever i start walkin again.. can't wait to get my hands on the money..! a couple of things i might need to get.. gotta be careful that the $1,000 don't disappear in a day.. khehehe~ that will take a lot of resistance & refrainin.. i don't know if i can do that..!

well, i am a happier person now.. reachin out to friends that i've lost, i'm beginnin to fill up those really small patches in my heart.. how i've missed these people.. all those times we've lost, i don't know if i can make it up to you guys.. i miss one particular friend, who has managed to disappear again.. i've kind of put him out of my mind but my mum had to ask how he was doin & then i realised that i miss him & that we don't talk anymore.. in all seriousness, as a friend.. i wonder how he is doin right now.. he has my thoughts & prayers..

anyway, i've got plans lined up from june onwards & i'm lookin foward to my full recovery..! countin down.. 35 days to go before the next medical check-up..!

THANK YOU SO MUCH


first & foremost, a very big thank you to everyone who remembered my birthday.. also an extra big thank you to my beloved relatives & especially my very own family who took the time, effort & trouble to come over at such short notice for the supposedly 'surprise' birthday gatherin.. thank you to sTeVe who was also there to join my family for the gatherin.. *sMiLeZ*



i was really taken aback by the number of people who turned up.. i really, really appreciate it a lot.. this is goin to be one memorable birthday.. not only am i celebratin my birthday as a single for the 1st time, it is also the 1st [& only..!] time i'm celebratin in a cast..!

this year, half of my birthday wish came true.. my dearest, most beloved best girl friend came to visit.. gosh ..! you don't know how surprised, shocked & happy i was..! there i was, sittin in my room, tryin to accept the fact that iDaDi hates my guts & suddenly my mum came in & told me i had a guest.. huh? i wasn't expectin anyone but there she was..! standing right in front of me..! i've missed her so much..! I LOVE YOU, DI.. & i promise i won't hurt you again..



not only that, my best friend from secondary school, aZiLaH, whom i've lost contact with for 6 freakin years remembered my birthday too & we chatted for hours..! i've missed her too..! the girls that i love are back in my life & that's worth more than any gifts put together.. *MuAkZ..!*

i'm still yearnin for the other half of my wish but i guess it won't be granted.. oh well.. you can't get everythin you wish for.. pictures are up in the links section.. help yourself..

heaven knows..


guess what i did yesterday? I WENT OUT..! khehehe... & i literally mean leave my house..! it was pure heaven i tell you.. being cooped up in the house for 26 days, gettin the chance to leave the house was like spendin a day at the spa, great & refreshin.. a friend of mine took me out to watch a pementasan at a community centre, half an hours walk from my place.. met a couple of familiar faces there but didn't really get a chance to go up to them..

anyway, i did a survey of my own & i found out that most 20/21 year old girls & guys that i know of are thinkin way ahead of their age.. i mean their maturity level are different compared to the 20/21's a few years back.. i'm really amazed.. goes to show how much exposure & nuturin can actually make a person..

i've got to stop all these ludicrousness between me & younger guys.. seriously, it's gettin out of hand.. but i have to figure out how.. hhmmm..

oh yes.. gd luck to those takin part in the Perdana this year.. all the best guys..!

date check: 1 week


YES..! 1 more week to my check up & 8 more days to my 23rd..! khehehe~ i'm countin down as i do every year although i don't think it's much of a celebration this year.. maybe i could get brother FFiZ to sing me the "Go Shorty" birthday song that he sings to me every birthday.. well, almost.. khehehe~ anyone willin to celebrate with me..?

anyway, i bruised my knees & the bone in my right knee is just so distorted that it is protudin out from the cap.. ick..! not only are the knees bruised, they are kind of scraped too.. jeez.. i'm going to have ugly knees..!

good news i received yesterday.. my aBg dZuL & YaNNy are gettin engaged on the 18th of june this year.. congrats guys..! the product of my matchmakin.. oh the lovely couple.. how i envy them.. *SiGh* well, my time will come one day & hopefully it'll turn out as lovely & everlastin as theirs.. [dreamin of Beauty & the Beast..] khehehehe~

the phenomena of my 'Fatal Attraction' to younger guys struck me again of late.. again i ask.. "What's with me & younger guys..?" a question that will never stop hauntin me..

fact.. or just bluffin..?

Arena (known to self and others) adaptable, energetic, friendly, silly	Blind Spot (known only to others) accepting, caring, cheerful, complex, confident, dependable, dignified, extroverted, happy, independent, kind, knowledgeable, logical, loving, mature, modest, nervous, observant, responsive, searching, self-conscious, sensible, sentimental, spontaneous, trustworthy, warm, witty
Façade (known only to self) able	Unknown (known to nobody) bold, brave, calm, clever, giving, helpful, idealistic, ingenious, intelligent, introverted, organised, patient, powerful, proud, quiet, reflective, relaxed, religious, self-assertive, shy, sympathetic, tense, wise

Dominant Traits

54% of people think that iDaDeE is cheerful

All Percentages

able (0%) accepting (9%) adaptable (18%) bold (0%) brave (0%) calm (0%) caring (27%) cheerful (54%) clever (0%) complex (9%) confident (9%) dependable (27%) dignified (9%) energetic (9%) extroverted (18%) friendly (45%) giving (0%) happy (27%) helpful (0%) idealistic (0%) independent (18%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (0%) introverted (0%) kind (9%) knowledgeable (9%) logical (9%) loving (9%) mature (9%) modest (9%) nervous (9%) observant (9%) organised (0%) patient (0%) powerful (0%) proud (0%) quiet (0%) reflective (0%) relaxed (0%) religious (0%) responsive (9%) searching (18%) self-assertive (0%) self-conscious (9%) sensible (9%) sentimental (45%) shy (0%) silly (27%) spontaneous (36%) sympathetic (0%) tense (0%) trustworthy (9%) warm (9%) wise (0%) witty (18%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 16.4.2006, using data from 11 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view iDaDeE's full data.

yeap.. that's what my friends have got to say about me.. why don't you create one yourself & let friends tell you the personality traits that you never knew existed in you..? you can never know what they will come up with.. khehehe~

anyway, i've got a few books on pending that needs my attention.. been procrastinatin too much.. my attention has been diverted elsewhere i think.. khehe~ while friendships are being created & some, salvaged, the littlest details like the "abandoned" books were left untouched.. & so is my unruly hair & my overturned wadrobe & plans to clean out my drawers.. *SiGh* procrastination is not good..

the books
john grisham - the painted house
arthur golden - memoirs of a geisha
barbara vines - gallowglass
yann martell - life of pi [re-reading]
clayborne carson & kris shepard - a call to conscience
a. parody - a shite history of nearly everything

sympathy..?


i'm almost done with my write-up.. once done i'm going to let FiE read it 1st before "releasin" it..

anyway, i stumbled upon a friend's blog & i am very touched by what the person described me as.. for those who visited me, you probably noticed that i was in my cheerful mode right..? well, i didn't notice it actually.. i just realized that when i read that particular friend's blog.. in the 1st place, there nothin to be sad about.. it's not the end of the world & i'm not dyin or anythin.. to my friends who sympathize with me, thank you but i just want to say don't.. i don't need the sympathy because your thoughts & prayers will help me get better ok..? i'm sorry guys & i hope i didn't sound snobbish..

anyway, i got aDiBaH's b'day wrong... khehehe~ it's actually on the 14th.. silly me..! 12th was her mum's b'day.. oh well.. people make mistakes..

i've made plans for june/july.. i'm definitely lookin foward to my bintan trip, with or without company & i'm plannin to go tioman with FiE.. yes.. i heard it's cheap & maybe we shall go for a couple of days.. get away from the busy town life & chill out.. but i must remember not to get myself into this condition again or my plans will be ruined & postponed again.. hehehe~

countin down..


2 weeks & countin down.. the wait is such a torment.. ARGH..!! get this bloody cast off me..!! *SiGh* it gets lonely sometimes & it doesn't help that i feel secluded every single day.. like everyone's shunnin away from me or somethin.. hey.. i don't have a disease you know.. whatever.. what's the worse thing that can happen? oh right, i'm not celebrating my birthday.. jeez.. i forgot about that.. well, goodbye bintan.. i'll see you when i'm better i guess..

[me inside]: OH C'MON..! get a grip, girl..! it's just an additional year to your age..! it does not really matter..!

i guess it's right.. it's just another year.. no biggie.. hehehe~ i don't think anyone would actually remember it anyway.. *WiNkZ*

what's important now is that i have to get out of this freakin cast & back on my feet..! i know.. i know.. i've mentioned it a lot of times but it's just a reminder to myself that time waits for no one & i have a lot of things to accomplish & do.. it worries me a lot that i'm not startin school next term.. not to mention i have to go job huntin again once i'm able to walk.. oh & get rid of the HUGE MASS on my arms..! it's so big that my sleeves are tight & it's freakin uncomfortable..!

right now, i miss aZMaN so much.. missin him as a friend actually.. his presence always makes me smile & he knows how to make me forget about all the pain i'm in currently.. gosh.. i guess it's better this way.. for the both of us..

anyway, check out the quote link.. i change it everytime i add in a new entry.. enjoy people..