but becoz..?


i must b borin u guys wit details dat may seem irrelevant to ur daily lives.. i cant help it.. not dat i dun wanna talk to any of u, juz dat i cant say it.. my RESURRECTION is the only plc i can let out everythin.. *SiGh*

my sis got herself a Nokia 3230 recently.. gd for u SiS.. u've been wantin a new phone ryt? stil in search of a new job.. applied to all sorta companies & yet to receive news.. im bored to death ryt now, here at hm.. waitin for the tym to reach 6pm.. mittin one of my pals, wanna go chill at east coast..

quittin smokin is givin me migrane..! will not give up.. already quit clubbin [erm.. i think..] & drinkin.. one of those resolutions before the New Year shits.. i noticed i'm shrinkin.. must be agein really fast here.. losin my appetite, losin my temper, losin my mood.. losin everythin..

gd luck to FaiZaL on ur new luv life.. glad to hear ur movin on..

i'm njoyin myself deejayin almost every nyt.. be it by myself or wit dJ RuSHy, everytym i go onair, i feel lyk i'm in another plc.. whr ppl listen to me & not me listenin to dem.. a change for once..

i've updated my POETRY PAGE so do check it out.. i shall leave u guys now wit my pic fr JB..


my QuRaiSyaH..


aYuL & her 'MuM'


mE & MuM


aYuL & MuM


uS @ one of the kampung..


mE & aYuL..

he wasn't man enuf for me


gone.. he's gone.. hehe~ told u peepz.. these kindda guys r lyk everywhr nowadays.. no regrets, no tears, no turnin back for me.. it's so ez.. u lie, u get out of my life.. dat's it, short & simple.. thank goodness i wuzn't serious wit him or else i'll only end up wit another chipped-off heart.. hehehe~

it's lyk dis.. i'm not tryin to say dat i wuz playin ard wit his feelins.. juz dat i told him i wuzn't ready for a relationship & he didn't seem lyk the type you can get serious wit [pls read my blog entry dated november 11] but he said dat 'he luvs me' & all those mushy stuffs.. wateva..! so, ok fine.. i let him haf a taste of wat it's lyk wen u lie to DeE in a relationship.. he lied A LOT & dat wuz enuf for me to show him the door..

- bike? i didn't c ur licence.
- ex-gf died 2 yrs ago? u broke up 4 mths back.
- bike accident? more lyk 'i fell off my bed'.
- parents divorcin? already divorced.
- dad in Bali? mayb dad in Batam.
- credit cards? get urself an ATM card first.

wat do u guys get wen u do dis?

i dun..


i'm not werkin animore but im wuz thinkin of lukin for a job dat's relevant to my course.. i'm reali not a theory person.. hehe~ tot it wud b better if i found a job dat's in the same capacity as my course so at least i've got the experience..

found sumone hu is 'in luv' wit me.. wateva.. dun reali trust those words until proven.. dunno if he's serious or juz being a playa [if u noe wat i mean..] some call him DaNieL or alternatively NaSiR, 27, stubborn old jackass, mummy's 'boy', a lady's man & kips tellin people 'nie bini aku..' [dis is my wife..] havent got a picture of him to show but will try to get it soon.. he doesnt reali lyk takin pictures of himself.. damm him.. well, i juz take wateva dat comes.. if he's not up to it also den i'm sori baby, out the door u go.. the feelin of lykin a guy is slowly wearin off me.. haha..!

i'm disappointed wit tmr's plan.. RaJa said we're not goin out tmr & FiE hasnt called or reply me back.. found out the TK guys r plannin on jalan raya next saturday but i've yet to call anione of dem.. MuM's not goin to Uncle Rosli's open hse tmr so i guess it's 'Stay Home Saturday' for me unless ZiE has plans.. hhmmm...

gotta clarify sumthin.. people myt tink dat i'm reali a Black Widow but i'm not.. happens dat i've got loads of guy frens.. dat's all.. it's been dat way eversince i wuz a kid so dun get the wrong idea aite..? ryt.. leavin now, talk later..

cheats, lies & deceits...


actually i already typed out my previous entries but sumhow, blogger wuz under maintainence, didn't save my entries & all wuz lost.. damm it..

had my hair cut tink abt 1 or 2 wks back.. dyed it red [dun ask..!] & i luk lyk a freakin witch.. talk abt halloween..!

aniwae, met FaiZaL & LukMaN last friday.. he came to take his baju kurung fr me.. we slacked & chatted a while at my void deck & after wat seemed lyk 15 minutes, they left.. no comments..

hey, i've already added the september babies photo & the 'legendary' cursed 3-2-3.. hehehe~ the neverendin haunt..

i've yet to jalan raya & not sure wen we [the whole family] r goin to do so.. it's a really freakin different Raya for me.. *SiGh*

aniwae, wats wit my blog topic u say..? well wat else..? they cheat, they lie & they r full of deceit..
- FiE >> tot u wanted the green baju kurung? i painstakingly kept it for u.. u didnt reply my msgs, didnt return my calls & ended up i gave it to FaiZaL.
- aNDiE >> disappeared. period.
- DaNNy >> disappeared [wit my 50 geez]. damm it..

hhmm... juz found out sumthin.. my lyf is revolvin ard too many ppl by the name of FaiZaL.. gotta STAY [very far, far] AWAY fr dem.. i can go on but i betta not.. peace out..

Selamat Hari Raya


Selamat Hari Raya to y'all...

Thorough sadness fills my heart, as the takbir is chanted in the air..
Different is today, now my MuM is far, far away..
As families walk thru the streets visitin their loved ones, here i am longin for MuM..
missin HIM too, the one i adore..
Strong as i am, i cannot lie..
SEPASANG KURUNG HIJAU..
BERAKHIRNYA CINTA INI..

'da BLACK WIDOW..


seems lyk my Singles_Out haf done it so i tink it's my turn.. here goes..

7 things dat [will] scare me:
- my MuM not comin home for RaYa
- losin my family
- losin my frens
- growin old
- not gettin married
- guys being afraid of me.. hehehehe!~
- not able to find DAT SUMONE to fill the empty space in my heart.. *SiGh*

7 things dat i lyk most:
- Singles_Out
- iDaDi
- mY BeLoveD aBg FiQue.. hhmmm...
- internet
- SiNgiN'.. lalalaala...
- takin pictures.. hehehe~ an understatement..!
- tall guys.. [pls refer to point no. 3] *WiNkZ..!*

7 most important things in my room:
- my [SiSter's] laptop
- my Winnie the Pooh
- my comforter
- my mirror
- my air-conditioner
- my Starbucks mug
- my SiSter

7 random facts abt me:
- i get paranoid wen sumone calls me by my full name
- wen i scream at my SiSter, it means i luv her..
- i cry wen i dun get to surf the net.. even for a while..
- i haf manic depression [at certain tyms dat is..]
- i [am beginnin to] haf insomnia
- i'm a DEVOTED GURLFREN damm it..! i really am, ouhkie..?
- i become sumone else wen i'm wit DAT SUMONE dat i adore..

7 things i plan to do before i die:
- tell DAT SUMONE dat i adore him
- get married
- get married & honeymoon in SpaIn
- stop screamin at my SiSter
- start communicatin wit my BroTher
- quit smokin
- make BaBa quit smokin also.. hehehe~

7 things dat i CAN do:
- fall in luv
- flare my temper at the wierdest moments
- show guys who i'm not interested in DA HAND w/o feelin guilty
- stayin up for a max of 48 hrs
- be on tym for appointments.. hehehe~
- cook
- sing.. [wuz forced to admit it..]

7 things dat i CANT do:
- dJ & type at the same tym
- sing & dance at the same tym
- sing alone in front of an audience
- resist the temptation of spendin my last few dollars
- tell DAT SUMONE dat i adore him
- quit smokin
- change myself to suit another person's criteria

7 words i say a lot:
- Thank you for callin SingPost, this is Ida. How can I help you?
- 'kau dah kenaper??!'
- 'tak dapat..!'
- damm u..!
- 'tengok ah camaner..'
- 'kalau kau fikir..'
- 'mati ah..!'

7 celeb crushes:
- aBg FiQue
- Taufik
- Taufik Batisah
- Da Singapore Idol
- mY fav cuzzin
- Sulaiman Hamzah
- Christiano Ronaldo

7 peeps i would luv to see doin dis:
- my SiSter
- my SiSter's frens
- ?
- ?
- ?
- ?
- ?

ouhkie.. my SiSter's waitin for me now.. gtg change.. gonna go haf a haircut later..

oh happy days..!


hahahahaha..!~

my [3/4] Singles_Out gerls nvr fail to put a smile on my face.. thank u gerls..! thank u also to Singles_Out's best fren(s) for takin tym off to join us in one of our outings [iDaDi, aDek & a'Ne's frens.. hehe..].. so sori to my 2 darlins for the hiccup at the beginnin of the outin.. lyk s|z mentioned, i've given up on eBoO.. cant be bothered to ask her for the next gatherin.. well, i njoyed myself VERY, VERY much yesterday & i apologize 1 more tym for disappearin halfway thru the outin..

pictures [compliments fr s|z & my other reliable resources..] will be up.. soon.. promise..

juz realized dat i havent been updatin my poetry page.. hhmmm... soon also..

ryt.. got to go dj now... catch up wit y'all later..

[new] Singles_Out


s|z & her gerlfren


a'Ne & her gerlfrens


DeE & her gerlfren

there she goes..


they left on thursday afternoon at abt 4.30pm.. said gdbye to MuM teary-eyed.. i'm missin her already & i miss MaMa & Mak Nor.. damm.. juz wished they cud come home soOn..

cant wait to go break fast wit my Singles_Out SISTERS.. it's gonna be a 'Girlfriends' nyt out again.. YiPPiE..!

skul wuz fun.. a totally different experience fr NYP.. both my lecturers r fun & understandin.. [too bad one's old & the other's not my type.. hhmmm...] wanna thank my superiors @ SingPost for their kind understandin & givin me the flexible werkin hrs to accommodate to my classes.. *WiNkZ!*

to all the guys out there hu stil tinks dat im available.. let me make dis clear.. I AM NOT.. well, i m but im not interested.. hehehe~ i did try but it didnt werk out.. *SiGh*

busy, busy, BUSY..!


i'm startin skul dis monday.. my classes will be ongoing on every mondays & tuesdays @ MDIS campus, stirling road... dat's pretty far.. WoW..! i'm goin back to skul..! *sMiLeZ*

went to geylang today wit RaJa, ZaLi & DaniEL.. my 'SiSteRs' dat i've not met for quite sum tym... missed dem..! hehehehe~ ppl tot dat DaniEL wuz my guy cuz he's the only one hu luks 'straight' but nOpe, he's nOt..! hahahaha~ met a few ppl there namely, nOra [my cuzzin], KaK OyaH [my oTheR cuzzin], aPai [my fren], sHeDah [my BaBy..!] & BB [O'Briens ex colleague]..

before dat, after werk, went out wit iDaDi.. she accompanied me to pay my skul fees & after which we walked to Paradiz Centre & den to Plaza Singapura... must haf lost a couple of grams.. hehehe~ [wont say kilo..]

contradictin...
now im kippin in touch wit FaiZaL.. why?? i dunno.. mayb cuz of his baju kurung? i dun care.. he's juz a fren to me now.. wateva happens, happens..

now.. concentrate...


had a kenduri @ MaMa's hse tdy.. it's for the Umrah thingy.. *SiGh* dis yr's the saddest Hari Raya for me..
1> MuM's not in S'pore on the 1st day
2> BaBa's werkin on the 1st day
3> my 1st tym celebratin w/o my 'Other Half'
4> spendin a lot [for the 1st tym] for Hari Raya (ok so dat's not so sad... it's a responsibility..)

i dun wan a committment ryt now.. i've got responsibilities for the tym bein.. shoo guys..!

aniwae, i myt be startin skul @ MDIS if not soon den it'll be in January.. thanx BaBa..

**Singles_Out --> if u gerls wanna break fast on the weekend, how abt 22nd/23rd?

& suddenly it came back..


mistake..
mistake..
mistake..

met LukMaN yesterday & it wuz a mistake.. the main reason y i met up wit him wuz dat i wanted my MiNi ViSa back.. FaiZaL passed it to LukMaN & told him to return it to me.. shared the whole experienced wit LukMaN over dinner & i dunno.. *SiGh* FiE told me dat it cud juz all be a setup meanin dat LukMaN wuz juz bein an informer to FaiZaL.. an ego-booster for him if true enuf LukMaN wuz to pass on wateva i told him last nyt.. i dun care actually if he really does tell FaiZaL wat i told him.. to me everythin is over, it's all in the past..

huh! wuz told dat he became depressed, started drinkin till he knocked himself out.. wOw.. wuz dat supposed to make me feel sori for him..? did he feel sori for me..?

mistake..

hey..! brOtha FiE's comin home..! told me he'll be back by 2000hrs.. cOoL.. my best buDDy's back..

somewhere.. out there..


woah.. after knockin off @ SingPost, here i go rushin off to O'Briens down @ Jelita.. wakin up late everyday for werk is lyk a normal routine already.. lyf's tough & i dunno for how long more i can cope.. missed many dj-ing sessions bcuz of werk.. damm..

recently, last mon went to east coast for aZHaR's 25th b'day.. only 5 of us [mE, iDaDi, aZHaR, RaHmaT & SuHaiMi..] but we had loads of fun.. stil waitin for SuHaiMi to send me the pics.. [& i stil haf not uploaded the Sept BaBies pics.. hehe~]

well, nuthin much for updates actually unless u wanna hear abt how i rushed fr Paya Lebar to Holland Road & the amt of cash i spent on cab fares fr Holland Road to Bedok inclusive of midnyt charges..? catch y'all later..


aZHaR, SuHaiMi, RaHMaT


The Best Frens..


The Couple [not-meant-to-be]


@ Esplanade..

hey mr dj..


or it shud haf been ms dj.. did i get it right? aniwae, it's been a mth since the bloody incident happened & im still tryin to cope with things.. everythin lukin brighter for me now.. i luv my social life now.. im almost back to how i wuz couple of years back wen i juz started to be really close to iDaDi, my best fren of 5 yrs & im also almost back on my feet once more.. Thank U God..

tdy wuz my first shot at bein a dj @ On'D Radio.. haha!~ i sucked..! terrible boy.. nvm.. still got chance to improve.. *WiNkZ* thank u s|z for ur guidance & help.. luv u lots..! as i've said, i sucked but hey, i njoyed myself a lot..

i mish sumone now actually but i wont say hu.. *SiGh*

ouh.. 1 last thing before i peace out: I LOVE MYSELF..

. : iDaDi & iDaDeE : .

feels resurrected...


shud i try my luck in luv again? its so temptin yet so scary.. i wud luv to luv again but sumthin is juz holdin me back.. can i trust ur species again? sumtyms i juz loath the sight of them but its only temporary..

startin my part tym werk at O'Briens @ Jelita tmr, straight after werk.. will be needin the cash since i haf so much things to pay.. things r so different now dat MuM's not werkin.. it's all up to me & DaD.. now i feel the pressure of being part of the breadwinner..

will update later.. headin to east coast soon..

are you lonesome tonight..?


suddenly..
DAT feelin came back.. the same feelin dat i felt 3 mths after i broke up wit FiE.. damm.. i hate DAT feelin.. the squeezie feelin..

it hurts..

loneliness has set its plc in my heart again..
i hate guys for dis..
i hate guys for the pain..
i hate guys hu dun care..
i hate guys hu take pleasure in hurtin us..

frens can be there for u but not all the tym, mind u.. they haf their own life too.. but i thank all my frens hu've been there for me, distracted me fr the pain, spent tym wit me, the advices y'all gave.. i luv u all..

soon resurrectin..


thanx to all those hu stood by me.. though not throughly healed, i noe i will pick up the pieces..

iteniary for saturday [100905]
-: 0930 - 1330
werk

-: 1420 - 1550
lunch @ banquet wit aCt, discussion on 'on d'radio.com'

-: 1610 - 2000
dance comp @ Pasir Ris Elias CC

-: 2000 - 2200
visit Cairnhill CC

everythin summarized.. i dunno y but sumhow i noe, things will take a turn.. i dun believe in guys dat much animore.. wateva happens, happens.. i luv all my gerls & i will not be taken in animore.. no more for me..

will resurrect.. somehow..


yesterday headed to JB wit the whole family for yet another BIG b'day celebration.. celebratin the b'days of aYuL, aBg Mus, MaK NoR & afiK.. did quite njoy the kecoh-ness or wat we'd say crowd.. wuz in deep tots though before the whole event started cuz i remembered FaiZaL wuz supposed to tag along but unfortunately.. oh well..

pix will be up soon & i will try my very best to upload as soon as i can.. wuz surprised dat aBg fiQue wuz there cuz i tot he myt be busy wit his other committments.. forgot abt my probs for a while & tried to njoy the whole evenin..

things already cooled off between me & rOzi & i hope things will remain the way they r now.. family goin off dis comin thurs.. balik kampong arh.. mish my grandmama but i can't take anymore leaves [yet..].. aniwae, to my SingLes_OuT gerls.. r we set to go KL end of the mth? update k? FiE msged me fr Thailand yesterday & gosh do i mish him toO.. wuz juz thinkin of him the other day..

i would lyk to thank my beloved s|zzy for introducin me to on d'radio.. sumthin new dat i wud lyk to try.. *wInKz*

thank u sHweet shedah for ur words.. i will try to be strong..

aight.. will update soon..

updates


230805

my BaBy.. the one i truly adore, whom i cherish wit all my heart & soul, the love of my life, decided to end a relationship dat i thought wud last.. i appreciate the tyms he's shared & i pray dat one day, things will be as how they were the last tym.. wateva dat happened in the past, i haf long forgiven him cuz i noe the kind of person he is & i noe dat it is impossible to actually change a person's character.. never once did i haf the intention of hurtin his feelins or cheat on him cuz i LOVE him so much..

i should haf understood his position.. shud not haf asked for the attention but instead shower him wit the attention.. i love him too much to actually accept the fact dat he's lettin me go & i will still hold on to wat i believe until i see it wit my very own eyes dat he doesn't love me animore.. until den, i will never see myself wit another person & will still love him as how i've always did..

020905

it cud haf been our 8th monthsary yesterday...

a very bad start to my week.. for the 1st tym in the past few mths, i hurt rOzi's feelins.. she totally is a changed person fr wat i observed.. no longer the sweet rOzi dat i knew.. she told me i've changed eversince dat terrible incident.. tryin my best here to be my old self but sumtyms i can't help but to think abt him.. feels lyk we're driftin apart.. she's not her usual self, keepin things fr me & we're spendin lesser tym wit each other.. hate dis tension btw us.. one by one things are turnin against me..

sumtyms i juz dun understand why do ppl lyk hurtin me dis way.. all the tym i try to accomodate to them but it seems dat my best was never enuf.. wat more do these guys wan fr me? tried controllin my temper wit dem, tried toleratin wit their lifestyles, apologised at every arguements we haf so wat more?? why can't i just haf a decent relationship lyk all other ppl?? i can neither be myself nor the person dat they wan me to be.. i really, really dun understand..

no more for me..! ain't no freakin' guy is gonna hurt me no more..!

baby please..


it's not just saying 'I LOVE YOU'
it's not just asking 'HOW ARE YOU?'
how am i to know all this is true?
when all i'm feeling is sad & blue

i miss the times we used to share
there's never a minute that i can't spare
but i guess you're worn of seeing me
so i'll just leave things as it be

we used to walk together hand in hand
we used to talk like we're best friends
but now it seems we're worlds apart
let me tell you, it's breaking my heart..

why is it so hard for you?
to see what i am going through
nights & nights of restless sleep
are you really mine to keep?

where's the answer to my prayer?
just you... i want no other..

so confused


here i go again..! one moment i'm bloody pissed wit him & the next moment i'm not! how not to wen he suddenly becomes so sweet... :( i dunno how i'm supposed to be feelin & how to react.. wen i'm mad at him, he juz noes how to make me smile but wen i'm already happy, he makes me so angry..! i juz dunno wat he's up to..! God give me patience..!