date check: 1 week


YES..! 1 more week to my check up & 8 more days to my 23rd..! khehehe~ i'm countin down as i do every year although i don't think it's much of a celebration this year.. maybe i could get brother FFiZ to sing me the "Go Shorty" birthday song that he sings to me every birthday.. well, almost.. khehehe~ anyone willin to celebrate with me..?

anyway, i bruised my knees & the bone in my right knee is just so distorted that it is protudin out from the cap.. ick..! not only are the knees bruised, they are kind of scraped too.. jeez.. i'm going to have ugly knees..!

good news i received yesterday.. my aBg dZuL & YaNNy are gettin engaged on the 18th of june this year.. congrats guys..! the product of my matchmakin.. oh the lovely couple.. how i envy them.. *SiGh* well, my time will come one day & hopefully it'll turn out as lovely & everlastin as theirs.. [dreamin of Beauty & the Beast..] khehehehe~

the phenomena of my 'Fatal Attraction' to younger guys struck me again of late.. again i ask.. "What's with me & younger guys..?" a question that will never stop hauntin me..

fact.. or just bluffin..?

Arena (known to self and others) adaptable, energetic, friendly, silly	Blind Spot (known only to others) accepting, caring, cheerful, complex, confident, dependable, dignified, extroverted, happy, independent, kind, knowledgeable, logical, loving, mature, modest, nervous, observant, responsive, searching, self-conscious, sensible, sentimental, spontaneous, trustworthy, warm, witty
Façade (known only to self) able	Unknown (known to nobody) bold, brave, calm, clever, giving, helpful, idealistic, ingenious, intelligent, introverted, organised, patient, powerful, proud, quiet, reflective, relaxed, religious, self-assertive, shy, sympathetic, tense, wise

Dominant Traits

54% of people think that iDaDeE is cheerful

All Percentages

able (0%) accepting (9%) adaptable (18%) bold (0%) brave (0%) calm (0%) caring (27%) cheerful (54%) clever (0%) complex (9%) confident (9%) dependable (27%) dignified (9%) energetic (9%) extroverted (18%) friendly (45%) giving (0%) happy (27%) helpful (0%) idealistic (0%) independent (18%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (0%) introverted (0%) kind (9%) knowledgeable (9%) logical (9%) loving (9%) mature (9%) modest (9%) nervous (9%) observant (9%) organised (0%) patient (0%) powerful (0%) proud (0%) quiet (0%) reflective (0%) relaxed (0%) religious (0%) responsive (9%) searching (18%) self-assertive (0%) self-conscious (9%) sensible (9%) sentimental (45%) shy (0%) silly (27%) spontaneous (36%) sympathetic (0%) tense (0%) trustworthy (9%) warm (9%) wise (0%) witty (18%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 16.4.2006, using data from 11 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view iDaDeE's full data.

yeap.. that's what my friends have got to say about me.. why don't you create one yourself & let friends tell you the personality traits that you never knew existed in you..? you can never know what they will come up with.. khehehe~

anyway, i've got a few books on pending that needs my attention.. been procrastinatin too much.. my attention has been diverted elsewhere i think.. khehe~ while friendships are being created & some, salvaged, the littlest details like the "abandoned" books were left untouched.. & so is my unruly hair & my overturned wadrobe & plans to clean out my drawers.. *SiGh* procrastination is not good..

the books
john grisham - the painted house
arthur golden - memoirs of a geisha
barbara vines - gallowglass
yann martell - life of pi [re-reading]
clayborne carson & kris shepard - a call to conscience
a. parody - a shite history of nearly everything

sympathy..?


i'm almost done with my write-up.. once done i'm going to let FiE read it 1st before "releasin" it..

anyway, i stumbled upon a friend's blog & i am very touched by what the person described me as.. for those who visited me, you probably noticed that i was in my cheerful mode right..? well, i didn't notice it actually.. i just realized that when i read that particular friend's blog.. in the 1st place, there nothin to be sad about.. it's not the end of the world & i'm not dyin or anythin.. to my friends who sympathize with me, thank you but i just want to say don't.. i don't need the sympathy because your thoughts & prayers will help me get better ok..? i'm sorry guys & i hope i didn't sound snobbish..

anyway, i got aDiBaH's b'day wrong... khehehe~ it's actually on the 14th.. silly me..! 12th was her mum's b'day.. oh well.. people make mistakes..

i've made plans for june/july.. i'm definitely lookin foward to my bintan trip, with or without company & i'm plannin to go tioman with FiE.. yes.. i heard it's cheap & maybe we shall go for a couple of days.. get away from the busy town life & chill out.. but i must remember not to get myself into this condition again or my plans will be ruined & postponed again.. hehehe~

countin down..


2 weeks & countin down.. the wait is such a torment.. ARGH..!! get this bloody cast off me..!! *SiGh* it gets lonely sometimes & it doesn't help that i feel secluded every single day.. like everyone's shunnin away from me or somethin.. hey.. i don't have a disease you know.. whatever.. what's the worse thing that can happen? oh right, i'm not celebrating my birthday.. jeez.. i forgot about that.. well, goodbye bintan.. i'll see you when i'm better i guess..

[me inside]: OH C'MON..! get a grip, girl..! it's just an additional year to your age..! it does not really matter..!

i guess it's right.. it's just another year.. no biggie.. hehehe~ i don't think anyone would actually remember it anyway.. *WiNkZ*

what's important now is that i have to get out of this freakin cast & back on my feet..! i know.. i know.. i've mentioned it a lot of times but it's just a reminder to myself that time waits for no one & i have a lot of things to accomplish & do.. it worries me a lot that i'm not startin school next term.. not to mention i have to go job huntin again once i'm able to walk.. oh & get rid of the HUGE MASS on my arms..! it's so big that my sleeves are tight & it's freakin uncomfortable..!

right now, i miss aZMaN so much.. missin him as a friend actually.. his presence always makes me smile & he knows how to make me forget about all the pain i'm in currently.. gosh.. i guess it's better this way.. for the both of us..

anyway, check out the quote link.. i change it everytime i add in a new entry.. enjoy people..

resurrect[ed]


so what do u think ey..? is the new blogskin nice..? took me 2 evenings to actually get everythin right.. PHEW..! personally, i love this skin out of all the ones that i've used before.. i don't know about you guys, but it kindda has a personal touch to it.. let me just break it down for you..

the picture:- it's my blog.. DUH..!
the song:- it's my favourite song & it's holds a special meanin in my life..
the vines:- the 'Chemical X' of the whole layout.. it gives a dark, sombre touch..
the marquee:- the only thing that moves around here..! reduces the static or stillness in the layout..

i love it..!

anyway, 18 more days to go before i go for my medical checkup.. hopefully the cast will be removed.. it really is a bothersome thing.. the swellin on both my feet's gradually goin down.. syukur alhamdullilah.. i don't think my hopes of walkin in a month's time is going to work out.. the ankles are still swelled up & they still hurt a lot.. oh well.. look on the brightside... at least i'm recoverin..

i'm dyin to get out into the sun..! i miss the beach.. i miss pushin through crowds & gettin pissed after.. i miss Cats In The Cradle.. i miss shop-hoppin for shoes.. *SiGh* i miss EVERYTHIN..!

mimpi..?


kau berdiri tegap dihadapanku..
mimpi-mimpiku nan lalu bagai dirialisasikan..
memberi erti kepada jasad ini,
yang kian lemah dinoda kasih,
dilanda duka..
kembalikan nikmat gembira yang ku ingini,
buat ku yang menagih kasih mu..

the hospital stay


yeah.. the hospital stay.. first things first, i fell off 2 flights of stairs & NO it WAS NOT A MOTORBIKE ACCIDENT.. jeez.. after fallin the 1st short flight, i tried to stand up & walk ALTHOUGH i knew my feet was already in pain.. as i tried to place my right foot on the 2nd long flight of stairs, i realized i couldn't feel my feet & tumbled all the way down.. now, being the stubborn me, i tried standin up again & i fell just as i got up so in the end, i had to crawl all the way to the drain to get my sandals.. after like abt 5 seconds, THEN i felt sharp pains in my heels & ankles..

i was swearin & cursin & makin a big scene at the A&E because of the stupid pain.. at the same time i was tryin to keep myself awake because i felt groggy & there was a sudden urge to close my eyes & just sleep.. well, the doctors & nurses weren't takin me seriously too when i told them i was in great pain so i had to grab their attention.. at long last, they did & sent me for x-rays & at the end of it all, one nurse told me i had to be warded.. damn it..

so, for 13 bloody days, i stayed in that bloody hospital, almost killed myself with boredom & hospital food..! now, i'm at home, still bored & at the verge of depression.. why..? because when i'm not doin anythin, some things come into my mind & i start ponderin abt them & some of these thoughts upset me.. guess 2006 is not such a bright year for me as i expected..

my swollen & bruised feet..

finally home..


yes.. after 13 [DREADFUL] days in the hospital, i'm finally home for good..! only God knows how much i hate being in this full body cast.. *SiGh* thank you to all my friends who took the time to visit me durin my stay in the hospital namely aZMaN, aDiBaH, aLeXiS, sTeVe, FeZZy dear, eFNi darlin, YaSin & the list goes on.. i swore i could die of boredom if i stayed another day there..!

a SPECIAL BIG thank you to aZMaN who came the moment he got the news that i was warded & stayed with me that fateful mornin until my family came & subsequently comin almost everyday, keepin me away from the hospital food, keepin me company until my bedtime.. the sweet thing.. well, he is another story..

too bad none of my girls were in s'pore.. oh well..

my studies crushed, my work affected.. darn it.. i'll talk about my hospital stay another time.. seriously, not in the mood for anythin especially when you can't move or do much of whatever.. some pictures.. enjoy..

figurin it out


yeah.. things look good on my side so far.. but i don't know what's got into me the last few days.. so full of angst..! the slightest of change just makes me wanna scream..!! thank you aZMaN for the company & emotional comfort you provided.. it was a burden, i know, eventhough you never say or show it.. anyway, changin jobs to cater to my school.. can't take the pressure at work.. almost gave up on school assignments but i had to do it with aZMaN's "help"..

please don't go back to the old you.. it's hard to be grounded again but you have to try harder.. you know i'll be here to help but don't do this to yourself again.. everythin is going well for you.. don't spoil it.. there are people who care [& that includes me..] please..

life is like a rollercoaster, full of ups & downs.. knowin you, the pessimistic person you are, please don't let the downs of life bring you down.. live life to the fullest & take everyday as it is.. "Practice What You Preach", my dear.. again, i'm here if you need someone..

i can't believe that i would be mentioned in a stranger's blog.. geez.. me? a "MALAYSIAN malay"?? what?? i'm not tryin to say that i'm VERY patriotic but i just can't accept it when someone changes my nationality so easily, just that like that.. ick..

leavin on a happy note, sayang kau..

patience is virtue..


wOOhOO..! although yesterday we had a brief meet-up, it was enjoyable all thanks to you girls.. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MAKIN YESTERDAY HAPPEN..!

s|z.. so sorry if aZMaN was givin you a hard time yesterday.. he meant no harm.. just fun & laughter.. [actually he couldn't take it that you said he looked like 'LURCH'.. hehehe~] thank you also to you for givin me the patience to not blow up in front of e-BoO.. yes i was frustrated at her but somehow indirectly, you gave me the vibe to just stop, think & give her another chance..

a'Ne.. you were beautiful.. don't worry about what that had happened.. it's just another phase i guess.. things are gonna be ok.. trust me.. oh yeah.. aZMaN calls you 'Cark Klie' now.. hehehe~ you should know why..!

e-BoO.. i was angry.. VERY angry.. but i tried to look at things in another point of view.. thank you for makin it to dinner at a short notice.. i really appreciate that.. i'm sorry for habourin angry thoughts & feelins towards you.. i don't now & i mean it.. btw, just for info, i called you a 'BISKUT' & aZMaN's stuck with that term for you.. ooopps.. just that you are like a biscuit.. sekejap ade, sekejap takde.. hehehe..

oh yes.. patience.. i knew you will change.. i knew we'll be together one day.. i waited & it is gonna pay off.. soon.. pretty soon.. no matter what happens, i'll be behind you..

SINGLES_OUT 3RD ANNIVERSARY

15


FeZZy - 15th Jan
FiE - 15th March
aZMaN - 15th Dec

the ONLY 3 guy friends who i treasure & love SO MUCH have the same birth date..! hahahaha..!

FeZZy, the unknown so far, is my much-loved sweetie friend [or in my term: my free-time friend.. don't get the wrong idea ah..! hehehe~].. we used to chill out together durin our poly days in our spare time [diff polys you see.. he's from SP..] & made each other laugh silly with our crazy antics..! no one can understand us because we're always misunderstood as datin partners maybe because how we joked around & address each other.. none of my friends know about him actually & i'm gonna just leave it as that.. just that we came in contact again recently thanks to eFNi BeBeH..! thank you..! miss my FeZZy so much..!

FiE, my pillar of support.. we're in an unofficial relationship & right now we're "together" for 3 years & 3 months already [inclusive of today's date..] hehehe... always there to lend me a shoulder to cry on, a pair of patient listenin ears & memorable dates.. i hurt you sometimes with things that i share with you without realisin it & i'm really sorry.. don't think i took you for granted because i didn't.. you know i still love you..

aZMaN i don't have to introduce.. tak payah lah aku repeat banyak-banyak kali.. kau tau kan.. kau cacat macam mana pun, pekak macam mana pun, biadap macam mana pun, tetap aku sayang kau tau.. the one guy who always brightens my day with or without his presence.. always in my thoughts & prayers wherever i go.. my motivation in all the things i do, be it work or school.. the sweetest giant of a man that i love so much..!

anyway, HAPPY 3RD ANNIVERSARY TO MY SinGLes_OuT GERLS..! 3 years, my dear girls.. i love you all..!

i can't wait to get away on my birthday..! hahaha..!~ only a handful of people know where i wanna go & with whom i'm going with for my short SIESTA [did i use the right word..?] & those who know, please don't leak out on the location.. i'm really excited about going..! i'm sure the place is as lovely like the pictures i've seen of the it..

i'm so full of LOVE tonight..!

happiness


it's funny how this one life works.. seems like there is always the unhappy aura surroundin it.. no matter how much this one tries to make her life change for happiness, it's bound to turn uneventful.. "What went wrong?" you may ask.. i ask myself that everytime too.. i will be lyin if i say that i have never experienced happiness. i did but it's like when you are struck with a headache & you try to ease it with aspirin [or whatever that helps for that matter] but they only provide a temporary relief.. it's endless i tell you..!

i've said it once [or twice] & i shall say it again.. "For once..! Let me just stay happy..! Is it so much to ask for?" really..! i only want HAPPINESS..

for now i'm contented that i still have my family, my job (not career though) & some of my friends who are willin to go through this phase with me.. one of these days, i'm going to die of a broken heart i tell you.. at the rate these guys are goin, breakin my heart, i'm going to die young [& beautiful too hopefully..] there's nothin i want more in this life, at this age, than happiness for my love life..

Once again i apologize to those guys i've hurt in the past.. i seriously have no intention whatsoever to play around with your feelings.. maybe this is what they call KARMA; 'What Goes Around, Comes Around'..

my answers? no answers..


s|zzy dear.. we shall meet up one of these days.. don't worry i won't tell aYuNe.. khehehe~

anyway, i've started workin @ O'Briens as some of you may already know.. i started on the 13th of Feb.. i'm just glad i have a job for now to help me tide things over.. i'm also happy that most things are fallin into places nicely for me.. like what aZMaN always say, 'give yourself a break.. you jolly well need it..' somehow i have to agree with him.. love you sweetie..

i'm still waitin for some pictures from aLeXis from last week Friday but for now here's some pics for the time being.. btw, i had to remove the 'stamp' pic of aZMaN.. apparently, he says it's for personal viewin.. khehehe..

what happened?


sorry been away... partly because was grounded by my BaBa.. khehehe~ as promised, i will try to give as much details as possible..

aZMaN's a very, very good friend of mine & we got to know each other a couple of years back.. if i'm not mistaken somewhere in 2001 or 2002.. he was always there to lend a listenin ear & a shoulder to cry on.. at one point, we were both attached & our companions were sceptical about our friendship so we drifted & disappeared.. 2 years later, we bumped into each other [& that was somewhere nearin the end on Jan] & took us 2 weeks to finally meet up to catch up on times.. that was the beginnin of a crazy, crazy week.. in fact, it is still crazy up till now..

we met, had dinner @ Cafe Iguana, couple of margaritas & he got me up the G-Max..! ahahaha..! the view was breathtakin from up there, suspended in that thing.. could see the S'pore River & some parts of Clake Quay.. wow..! you guys should try.. had coffee & witness a firework display.. we met up subsequently the next day for b'fast & he surprised me with 'Memoirs of a Geisha' [though i've already watched it..] the next few days, we met up for dinner & stuffs like that & we enjoy each & every moment of it..

i'm not a Valentine's Day person & never had celebrated Valentine's Day but 3 days ago, i discovered that aZMaN shares the same passion for poetry & arts like i do & we made plans to so-called celebrate the V-day via the unconventional way.. we went to the Singapore Philatelic Museum [FYI: it's a stamp museum] & then to The Substation for the 3rd SSFF [it's a short film thingy..]

why i say it still is crazy? well, eventhough we still hold the friendship that we had a couple of years ago, we kind of brought that to another level.. a higher level, that is.. we discovered each other's feelings ONLY of late.. but the thing is, we've being keepin it from each other for the past 2 years, fearin that it will ruin the friendship..

maybe it is worth going through all those crappy times.. havin him now in my life is like an answered prayer..

WooHoo..!


i had a crazy fun time yesterday.. i went for an interview at The Coffee Club & after the interview, i got the job.. details later.. i'm rushin for time.. went to O'Brien's to meet my friends & the kindda got me my old job back.. yes ar..!

the crazy fun time was with aZMaN.. like i said i'll detail later.. i just had to put it in my blog now before i forget.. later guys.. i'm off to school.. shit i'm late..!

menulis dalam bahasa ku..


jangan di tanya.. tiba-tiba jer terasa macam nak kena tulis dalam bahasa melayu.. mungkin berpunca [cey.. berpunca sey..!] dari blog teman-teman tertentu yang suka tulis blog mereka macam gini.. ini yang dikatakan pengaruh..

aku terharu sekali bila aku terbaca satu blog ni.. terpampang wajah aku yang "jelita" ni di muka depan blog tersebut.. terperanjat sekejap aku dibuatnya.. dah tu pulak ada storyline disebalik gambar tu..! bukan apa.. aku baru saja digelar temanwanita kepada seorang daripada teman mereka jadi kita dah jadi coverstory untuk blog tu.. terima kasih semua.. buat susah ajer letak gambar ni semua.. dah gitu takper, diberinya aku nama baru..! takper.. no matter what, aku tetap DeE..!

it may come as a shock to some of my friends but this is what i have choosen.. this is my decision.. don't ask..

lagi satu perkara yang aku hairan.. kenapa si NeLL tu perasan tak habis-habis eh? aper segala yang aku buat semuanya tak kena dengan dia.. i'm sure you guys will say buat bodoh sudah & memang aku buat bodoh tapi menyakitkan hati tau kadang-kadang.. macam semalam.. aku tukar tag MSN aku sebab sHaM degil.. dah degil takper, tiba-tiba jadi gila..! kebetulan, si NeLL pon log in.. dia baca tag aku, dia pon feeling-feeling lah yang aku nak kena kan dia.. padahal, aku ajukan tu semua buat sHaM.. tak tau malu eh? bila aku main lagu I'm Back at On D' Radio dia kata aku sengaja nak sakitkan hati dia lah, aku nak kenakan dia lah.. dia fikir aku banyak masa nak buat kerja-kerja bodoh ni? GROW UP LAH NELL..! GET A LIFE..!

oklah.. sekejap lagi aku nak keluar, nak pergi interview.. harap-harap dapat kerja.. tak suka lah duduk rumah hari-hari kena bising.. lagipon aku nak jumpa kawan lama favourite aku..! aZMaN..! lama sey tak jumpa dia.. ada baik nya aku keluar sekarang.. nanti lambat pulak..

macam-macam happenin..


020206
one of the most enjoyable days i've had lately.. it still felt the same like how it was 3 years ago.. just the 4 of us.. crappin, laughin and most importantly enjoyin each other's company.. thank you s|z, FFiZ & FiE for reminicin the gd old times.. pictures will be up soon.. ouh btw, check out s|z's blog for more of the karaoke pics..

my favourite Levis 599 is torn..! my comfort jeans.. my companion.. *SiGh* now i need to find a new somethin for solace..

alright, back to work/school people..


lucky for me.. my class is tmr.. khehehe~ so that's an extra day off for me..

HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY TO MY DARLIN' COUZ..! *SiGh* THE cousin.. yeah.. the one with 1 kid & another on the way.. the one who got MARRIED before i did.. khehehe~ well, i still love you NaNDa.. MARRIED or not..

anyway, it's so contradictin.. i sent out a notice to all my On D' Radio crew informin them that i won't be able to go on air for abt 2 weeks but i HAVE been on air yesterday & the day before..! ahahaha..! can't help it.. i miss dj-ing & i feel that yesterday was the best so far.. RuSHy was on air from 8.00 - 9.30, i took over from 10.00 - 12.00 & then iDHaM took over from 1.00 - 2.30.. On D' Radio: 7 1/2 hrs non-stop..! wOw..! i loved it..!



i can't wait for tmr..! i have a DATE with my BaBy GerL, FFiZ & FiE.. don't know if it's gonna be just like old times but however it's gonna be, i am so lookin foward for tmr..!

hhmmm.. just a quick UPDATE for the friends who are curious abt what's goin on between me & my teman baru.. we are just friends.. JUST FRIENDS..! period. fullstop. no dates whatsoever, no hogging on the phone late at night & aper-aper lagi yg you all fikirkan.. ok? *SmiLeZ*

its 'HisHaM'


yeap.. i asked him how his name was spelled.. khehehe~ so silly of me..

i decided to do something EXTRAORDINARY yesterday.. i picked out a song to sing..! believe it or not..! ahahaha... well, they clapped & cheered [thank you.. *bLusH*] but then they all fell silent.. made me feel so awkward.. but on the whole, we all enjoyed ourselves, didn't we? i look foward to meetin these bunch of fun people again.. *SmiLeZ*

reached Bedok at abt 12.15.. kindda late considerin that i made a curfew of 11.00 for myself.. took us almost 20 minutes to find the Central Square carpark entrance.. it's all sHaM's fault..! khehehe~ made us walk round & round the whole place..! ouh yeah.. we manage to take a snap before we left the carpark.. khehehe~



hey..! don't get the wrong ideas guys.. it's just a picture, ok? *WiNkZ*

ouh & by the way, "SELAMAT TAHUN BARU" to all my Muslim friends..

Happy Chinese New Year


to all my friends celebratin this occasion.. *SmiLeZ*

did i tell you guys about how i scored 5 points [or was that 2 points..?] for my group in my TPSW class? yes i did score.. by reading the 'Peter Piper' tongue twister..! khehehe..~ i loved it..! ouh by the way, i passed my SBS paper with a 'C'..! Yeah.! i'm now eagerly waitin for my HMC result.. i know i've already passed that paper but i wanna know my grade.. can't wait..!

anyway, i wanna THANK [with sarcasm..] my dear big sister aBBie for draggin me to her boyfriend [BeN] & friends' chalet yesterday.. so much for the "HELP-ME-I-DON'T-KNOW-ANYONE!" excuse.. i really thought you didn't know anyone there.. YOU SET ME UP..! how could you..? how could you match make me with your friend, HiSyaM [or HisHaM.. however his name is spelled..!] you sneaky pair?! not that i'm angry but seriously i was SO embarrassed..! & to make things worse, your friends ALL knew about it includin HiSyaM/HisHaM..! you kept me in the dark..! I am so gonna wring your necks..! but he's a nice chap though.. sweet.. funny.. well in short, he makes a gd friend.. *WiNkZ*

i can expect a lot of assumptions from you guys who've read that entry at the top.. i know some will think that i'm datin him, some will think that i'm a flirt.. etc.. etc.. etc.. WHATEVER.. i have a clear conscience.. anyway, i'll be back.. gotta go change.. he's fetchin me at 1915 hrs later & we're gonna go meet up with aBBie, BeN & their friends for KARAOKE-ing..! khehehe..~