progress


currently listenin to: Michael Buble - The Way You Look Tonight

Barbara Vine - Gallowglass
Lennox Morrison - Second Chance Tuesday

DONE..! it took me 2 days to finish both books & i'm workin on my re-readin of Yann Martel's 'Life of Pi'.. i got my sister to go hunt for 'The Nanny Diaries' for my next read but i don't know if she remembers..

yesterday eFNi darlin' sent me a forwarded SMS.. it says: If I have only 15 sec to live, wat wud u say to me in tat 15 sec?

all the replies i got..! you should read some of them.. there was a friend who said, "i'd say, 'can i have your stuffs?'" & another friend who was taken aback who said, "um. R u serious? What's with the ridiculous qns? I'd prob say 'don't be scared everything will be ok we'll meet again soon' then probably jus remain quiet" but the best one came from my very own sister.. she said,"Mengucap.. Mengucap..!" hehehe~ the rest were really sweet ones.. the "i love you" & "you're one in a million.." anyway, thanks guys.. check out eFNi's blog.. she has quirky ones too..

it a wonder the number of people who actually asked about me.. i mean i barely know them.. thank you, though, for askin.. that's really thoughtful of you.. i'm doin fine thank you.. recoverin as expected, slow & steady.. i do hope to get out of this cast on the 6th.. hopeful but not pinnin on it.. sad isn't it..? i wished DavE a "Happy Birthday" hours ago.. apparently he's 2* this year & i shall look after a kitten for him as a birthday present.. how about that? it's a win-win situation.. he gets to choose the kitty & i get to look after it.. once a while i could bring it over to DavE or somethin since [technically] it is his kitten.. cool eh? hehehe~

i might be goin on air today.. it's been a while.. i miss the radio..! too bad for the stuffed nose but what the heck..! i'll go on air anyway..

& all falls down


i must have done or said somethin.. or else this won't be happenin.. i hate it when a friendship is affected over a silly action.. gosh how i wish i didn't send you that thing i wrote for you.. it's harmless.. really.. i meant to say that i treasure our friendship a lot & that you are a special friend.. that's it.. i'm so sorry if i hurt you in any way..

hope to hear from you soon..

8 more days to check up..

lets's ponder..


see, maybe after readin some of the recent entries some of you readers might think that there is someone in my life right now or maybe a someone who is more then just a friend.. almost right but nope.. at first i thought he could probably be THE ONE but after some time, i realise that he makes a great friend rather than a special somebody.. yes, he makes me happy everytime we talk but that is just it.. when the day is just about to end for us, i look foward to talkin to him as he always listens & loves to share.. it is a 2 way thing between us & i really enjoy his virtual company.. given his different cultural ways, the way he approaches some issues really facinates me [not sayin that our local guys are borin..] & it makes me want to know him more.. but just to let it be known, he used to occupy a certain special place in my mind & in my heart but now i have realised that we are only friends & i would love for it to stay that way..

10 more days to check up..

lookin back, there are many things that i have learnt from the whole incident.. maybe i have mentioned it before but it was just somethin that i remembered.. there is no one else but myself to be blamed for this accident as the carelessness had come solely from me.. had i not rushed, looked at where i was going & not SMS while runnin down the stairs, i would not have landed in this condition.. runnin down the stairs?? what was i thinkin?? hehehe~

deviatin from this subject, i would like to share a little thought with everyone..

it is better to just let go of the past & carry on with life.. no point in reproachin ourselves & believe that we are to be blamed for all the misgivings that has happened throughout life's journey.. reach out to all things positive & use the past mistakes as a guideline in our daily approach.. nobody makes the same mistakes twice unless blinded by circumstances.. give yourself a chance, be optimistic, learn to open up, free yourself from unnecessary burden & all will be good..

frustratin!!


AARRGGHH..!!

don't do this to me..! i still hear him being mentioned again..! i have to surrender.. i can't take it anymore.. he is my friend so why do i feel hurt & jealous at the mention of him? my telepathy friend has somewhat become my worst nightmare now.. yes, it is frustratin.. i feel like i've been thrown into some kind of a depression cell or something.. it's always one feelin after another.. damn it..

here i am.. sittin in a daze, waitin for the duly image to appear.. blink, icon.. BLINK..! c'mon..! i don't have all night..

another 11 days to the medical check up..

Ik mis je..

slowin down


i guess i was just over-reactin to things.. i should probably start thinkin with more realistic figures.. slow down, my dear girl.. he's not goin anywhere..

how nice of you to imagine me cookin & then waitin for you at the doorstep at 5pm when you come home from work.. that really is a nice & creative way to put it.. thanks a lot..

anyway, my parents have got the keys to the new house.. time to plan out my room structure.. this is goin to be great.. i actually have 2 rooms technically.. the one on the ground floor & i get to share a room on the 2nd floor with aYuL.. sweet..! well, the bottom one's fully mine so i think i'm goin to unleash the feminine me & make the room look pretty & sweet.. khehehe...

i've got news about school too.. great news that i hope will help me reduce my time in school [sounds so prison-like.. hehe~].. somehow, i would need to get hold of a copy of my Medical Cert from CGH.. i wonder if it's possible?

i'm just confused..


just digressin from all topics of discussion.. i think my floatin bubble is about to burst pretty soon & i can feel my feet almost touchin home base.. guess i'm gettin a reality check here..

i just wish that there was someone like you here but unfortunately, it doesn't work that way.. you see, we can't always get what we want.. today seemed very distant & for some reason i sensed that you were distracted with somethin.. the abrupt good night & good bye.. & i forgot to let you know that i have missed you over the weekend..

you really touched me when you actually took the time to read the silly journal entry that no one has even bothered to look at due to its lengthy content.. you could understand it & even explained to me what was written & i haven't even asked for your thoughts on it.. you even remembered & asked how my grandma was.. how can i not like you?

sometimes it gets confusin.. my dear, i am not in love with you if that is what you want to know.. i like you & maybe you like me so let's just leave it as that.. i can't be in love with you!! maybe not for now.. it's the bloody freakin distance that is makin it less possible.. i jolly well know [& have learnt from mistakes] that when dealin with matters of the heart, we have to be realistic about everythin be it time, distance or even career..

sometimes i wish everythin was easy but i guess it's tough luck for me.. 11 months & countin..

the Sunday trip


yesterday went to Johor with MuM, MaMa, UncLe & the 2 rascals.. khehe.. had lunch at Aska the Japanese restaurant @ Hyatt Regency.. Japanese food is really a stranger to me.. i had a rough idea of what to have but it totally was not of any use to me.. MuM & me, we had garlic rice with chicken, mackerel, beef & soft tofu, egg & mushroom.. YUCK i tell you..! the meat was sweet, the egg was half cooked & the mackerel was bone-ful..! it's not somethin i'd like for lunch.. well, next we went to the sushi bar & picked out some sushi munchies.. oh gosh.. i almost ate the one with the roe but the sushi's not so bad except it left this raw taste in my mouth.. i was squirmin in my seat every time i bit into the raw meat.. hehe~ then i headed straight for the mini desert.. i grabbed a slice of chocolate fudge cake, some eclairs & the chocolate tarts.. MuM had the honeydew pudding, strawberry jelly & cheese slice.. yummy..!

after all that, MaMa, UncLe & the 2 rascals joined us from their lunch at the coffeehouse.. we ordered the real DESERT.. The Tutty Fruity a.k.a The Devil in Disguise..! khehehe~ it's a 30-40 cm tall glass with multiple scoops of ice-cream with strawberries & papaya cubes in it..! just think of Swensen's Earthquake.. that's how large it was..! now THAT is YUMMY..!



after all that, my mothers decided to go to Angsana & we spent a lot of time there walkin around & they bought some stuffs.. next stop was this shoppin centre that i've forgotten the name.. we went to this shop that sold frames, mirrors & decoration stuffs.. They bought more stuffs there & then we went to this boutique just 3 shops away.. the 1st rascal & i bought a pretty cute top.. well, it's more like a jacket/blazer.. don't really know what to call it..

got home quite close to midnight.. imagine..! from 8am all the way until 12mn..! crazy..! & so that was how i spent my sunday..

grandma..


i was just talkin to her last tuesday & now she's really ill.. down with food poisonin.. imagine being waken up at 8 in the mornin with the news of your one & only grandma being really sick..? how does that make you feel? i really hope she gets better.. i've got no other grandparents besides her & she's such a darlin.. well, most grandparents are, aren't they..?

so here i am by myself & the 2 rascals, who are literally never at home, which technically makes me all alone at home.. no worries.. all the skills i've learnt & picked up while being in this state of limited mobility will not go to waste... hehehe~ i can move around by myself.. get food & stuff.. watch tv.. washroom.. those i can do.. NO PROBLEM..!

i was surprised.. you remembered that small detail in our conversation & we spoke of that like a week ago.. nobody would remember a thing like that.. that's how sweet & thoughtful you are.. take care, good luck for the tournament & yes, i will miss you over the weekend.. thank you also for listenin to me last night.. i really appreciate that..

shocked..!


guess who msged me yesterday? khehehe~ it was FaiZaL [sYeD].. sad but true.. oh well.. he asked the usual "how are you?", "what are you doin?" kind of questions.. nothin special.. thanks for being thoughtful though..

18 days to checkup.. WooHoo..! really can't wait..

MaMa is goin to bring us out this sunday.. another chance at breathin in the outside air again.. well, not that there is any much difference but it's good to go out sometimes.. i feel like window shoppin while out but i don't know.. i've lost touch with the so-called "trend" nowadays.. khehehe..

anyway, i fear that i might end up single for a long, long time.. i'm not really enjoyin it & by 'it' i mean singlehood.. how long has it been? let me see.. erm.. WoW..! 9 freakin months..! that's a record for me.. khehehe~ i miss havin someone who i can share my days, my woes & my joys with but i guess that has got to wait.. who would want me right now anyway..? i mean, a girl in a body cast & rides in a wheelchair? jeez.. get real..! so, there you go.. me & my blabbin again..

you think i'm cute..
you think i'm a little crazy..
you think i'm brave..
you say i'm beautiful..

all i can say to you is that you are all the above, not me.. you have made an impact in my life.. somehow, you did.. i never get tired of our conversations no matter how difficult it could be for us [sometimes] to understand.. i wish to wake up now but you keep holdin me back.. i want to snap back to the real world.. i can try to make the impossible happen but what if it doesn't..? there will be a risk involved here & i'm talkin about broken hearts, my dear..

again, i count down..


21 more days to my next check up..! i really can't wait.. this time i'm confident that the cast will be removed & hopefully i don't have to use the wheelchair anymore.. i know i'm able to walk pretty soon.. then i can go back to school, get a job, save up & go for a long holiday to a far away place.. just FYI, i'm not walkin yet.. still in wheechair..

maybe iDaDi's comin over this saturday.. so many things that we might need to go over together.. i'll try to help in whatever way possible, my dear..

we won't be hearin from each other for the next 2 days but it's ok.. i have other things to do too.. just hope that you don't overwork yourself & btw, about the soccer match this comin weekend, gd luck to you..! i'm sure you will win the match this time round... *WiNkZ*

Happy Mothers' Day


to all mothers everywhere.. to all mothers i know.. i LOVE you ladies..

i hate it when the weekend comes.. it just means i have to live through 2 quiet nights.. quiet nights are good actually but it gives me this anxiety problem especially on sunday.. can't wait for monday to come..! not that it's so far away.. hehehe~ it's tomorrow..!

anyway, yes i have changed my background music yet again.. far away.. that's where you are..

Laila Isabella


yes.. it did bring back memories.. i do like Laila Isabella but it just reminds me so much of aZMaN & it doesn't help that Rosyam Nor's character's name was "AzaM".. all the fun & crazy times we spent.. how we actually managed to even broach the topic of likin each other.. hehe~ that was funny.. how we so-called "accidentally" held each others hand but because we were "pretendin" we were celebratin valentines' day, it was considered ok.. oh those memories..!

BUT it's ok.. *WiNkZ* i shall sleep over it.. someone else has been busy occupyin my mind anyway so i'm sure i'm goin to be ok just that i need to stop floatin & do a reality check at some point soon.. hehe~ i'm goin to miss you today..

you got me there, baby..


i can't wait.. khehehe~ i think i will have to start a countdown for you then but it won't start anytime from now.. that'll take too long.. probably when i start my school term.. how about that?

anyway, i wrote a long letter to you & about you.. i'm not one who will verbally say it so i penned it down.. i wonder if you will ever get to read it.. some of my friends say that i'm crazy but sadly, i have to agree with them because you have driven me nuts..! why? i really don't know.. if i had the answer, i'd probably be with you now.. oh well..

Laila Isabella is showing later at 9:30.. i don't know if i should watch it.. it'll bring back memories of aZMaN & me.. not that it's goin to make me weep or anythin but some memories are best left forgotten.. the similarities in the story are really impeccable.. well, minus the part where Nasha Aziz finds out that Rosyam Nor is a rich fella.. this is the closest movie that one can watch if you want to know how our friendship was like..

hhmmm..


i think i love you. period.

erm.. help?


i don't know.. i feel like as if my privacy has been invaded & my movements are being watched.. I WANT MY BREATHIN SPACE..! even my parents don't do these to me.. jeez..!

you made me smile again yesterday.. i'm sorry i wasn't able to prolong our chat but let it be known that the few minutes that we spent means a lot to me.. till next time, my dear one..

just got news, 21st is the Perdana Semis.. still waitin for aZiLaH's reply..

smile..


you never fail to make me smile..

i kindda woke up at 3-ish just now & thought i'd have a glass of water & head back to bed but i just had this naggin feelin that i had to log in.. you were there..! & yes, i missed you too..! it was so sweet of you to hold on, with the assumption that i will be online at some point, although we both know that it's impossible to know when either of us will be online.. you don't know how much it meant to me when you acknowledged my presence.. you are the GREATEST..! i'm sure by now you do know that you are.. *sMiLe* please tell me it's not a dream because you're too good to be true & if it really is a dream, i don't want to wake up from it..

stop it eh..


why must i feel jealous everytime someone mentions him? [& i'm not talkin abt the '10,491 kilometers-far-away' him] he's like my bloody freakin friend for goodness' sake..! i've always think of him as a friend but of late i've been filled with jealousy everytime i know he's being mentioned by other people.. WTF?? i've gotta overcome this crappiness..

got news abt my iDaDi & her future plan that's hauntin her right now.. *SiGh* like some people say, some things just don't happen as we plan them to be.. i'm really happy for you, my girl.. first is aZiLaH & then it's you.. guess i should be next in line huh? khehehe~ amongst the 3 of us, i'm the eldest & like we planned & forseen, i should be the one to go 1st but it seems like you girls are way ahead of me.. oh well.. what can one do..? i just hope whatever happens, we won't part again because i don't think i want to wait 2 to 6 years to see you girls again.. you girls are just too precious to lose..

too bad i'm not really ready for another relationship or i could have joined my girls.. khehehe.. call me fussy, call me fickle but there's no one right now who can actually make me feel on cloud 9 like how i used to & those who can are always the ones who are impossible to be with.. jeez.. what is SO BLOODY wrong with me? khehehe~

votin day..!


1st things 1st, just ignore my previous entry.. i think i was high on somethin.. either that or i was just in my usual insomnic state.. hehe~

anyway, yes people.. it's votin day..! i woke up at like 8am from my 7am sleep thanks to my dad who insisted on being one of the early birds.. jeez.. it was pretty easy & quick too [like duh!] & since there was no one else in queue, it took us about 2 minutes to cast our votes.. why can't they just let us vote by sms? save all the hassle of goin down from my house.. sheesh..

i managed to rekindle my friendships with a lot of my long-lost friends.. aZiLah, iDaDi, WaDy, AnDy, MaMaT, NoRa, HaFiDz & others more.. isn't that great..? well, there are certain people & things in life that we tend to overlook & take for granted & when we actually realise what is actually happenin, there's no harm in admittin our mistakes & try to make up for it.. just like i'm tryin to do now..

oh man..! ok, i'm gonna quit blabberin already.. i'm goin back to sleep now..

can't help it..


what is wrong with me?

why do i smile when you are around?
why are you on my mind before i sleep?
why do i melt when i look into your eyes?
why do i miss you when we part?

oh dear.. this cannot be happenin..! it's not possible..

wishful thinkin on my part i guess..

..i think i'm goin crazy

somewhere across the globe..


he's just so cute..! his smile, the way he speaks english.. really cute..! ahh.. wish he was here.. i shall make plans to go there.. that will be about 10,491 kilometers away.. wOah..!

PROGRESS PACKAGE..! it was in last friday & my sister went to collect my last pay from o'briens & in total i'm $1,000 richer.. hehehe~ guess i will stay rich until june or whenever i start walkin again.. can't wait to get my hands on the money..! a couple of things i might need to get.. gotta be careful that the $1,000 don't disappear in a day.. khehehe~ that will take a lot of resistance & refrainin.. i don't know if i can do that..!

well, i am a happier person now.. reachin out to friends that i've lost, i'm beginnin to fill up those really small patches in my heart.. how i've missed these people.. all those times we've lost, i don't know if i can make it up to you guys.. i miss one particular friend, who has managed to disappear again.. i've kind of put him out of my mind but my mum had to ask how he was doin & then i realised that i miss him & that we don't talk anymore.. in all seriousness, as a friend.. i wonder how he is doin right now.. he has my thoughts & prayers..

anyway, i've got plans lined up from june onwards & i'm lookin foward to my full recovery..! countin down.. 35 days to go before the next medical check-up..!