somewhere.. out there..


woah.. after knockin off @ SingPost, here i go rushin off to O'Briens down @ Jelita.. wakin up late everyday for werk is lyk a normal routine already.. lyf's tough & i dunno for how long more i can cope.. missed many dj-ing sessions bcuz of werk.. damm..

recently, last mon went to east coast for aZHaR's 25th b'day.. only 5 of us [mE, iDaDi, aZHaR, RaHmaT & SuHaiMi..] but we had loads of fun.. stil waitin for SuHaiMi to send me the pics.. [& i stil haf not uploaded the Sept BaBies pics.. hehe~]

well, nuthin much for updates actually unless u wanna hear abt how i rushed fr Paya Lebar to Holland Road & the amt of cash i spent on cab fares fr Holland Road to Bedok inclusive of midnyt charges..? catch y'all later..


aZHaR, SuHaiMi, RaHMaT


The Best Frens..


The Couple [not-meant-to-be]


@ Esplanade..

hey mr dj..


or it shud haf been ms dj.. did i get it right? aniwae, it's been a mth since the bloody incident happened & im still tryin to cope with things.. everythin lukin brighter for me now.. i luv my social life now.. im almost back to how i wuz couple of years back wen i juz started to be really close to iDaDi, my best fren of 5 yrs & im also almost back on my feet once more.. Thank U God..

tdy wuz my first shot at bein a dj @ On'D Radio.. haha!~ i sucked..! terrible boy.. nvm.. still got chance to improve.. *WiNkZ* thank u s|z for ur guidance & help.. luv u lots..! as i've said, i sucked but hey, i njoyed myself a lot..

i mish sumone now actually but i wont say hu.. *SiGh*

ouh.. 1 last thing before i peace out: I LOVE MYSELF..

. : iDaDi & iDaDeE : .

feels resurrected...


shud i try my luck in luv again? its so temptin yet so scary.. i wud luv to luv again but sumthin is juz holdin me back.. can i trust ur species again? sumtyms i juz loath the sight of them but its only temporary..

startin my part tym werk at O'Briens @ Jelita tmr, straight after werk.. will be needin the cash since i haf so much things to pay.. things r so different now dat MuM's not werkin.. it's all up to me & DaD.. now i feel the pressure of being part of the breadwinner..

will update later.. headin to east coast soon..

are you lonesome tonight..?


suddenly..
DAT feelin came back.. the same feelin dat i felt 3 mths after i broke up wit FiE.. damm.. i hate DAT feelin.. the squeezie feelin..

it hurts..

loneliness has set its plc in my heart again..
i hate guys for dis..
i hate guys for the pain..
i hate guys hu dun care..
i hate guys hu take pleasure in hurtin us..

frens can be there for u but not all the tym, mind u.. they haf their own life too.. but i thank all my frens hu've been there for me, distracted me fr the pain, spent tym wit me, the advices y'all gave.. i luv u all..

soon resurrectin..


thanx to all those hu stood by me.. though not throughly healed, i noe i will pick up the pieces..

iteniary for saturday [100905]
-: 0930 - 1330
werk

-: 1420 - 1550
lunch @ banquet wit aCt, discussion on 'on d'radio.com'

-: 1610 - 2000
dance comp @ Pasir Ris Elias CC

-: 2000 - 2200
visit Cairnhill CC

everythin summarized.. i dunno y but sumhow i noe, things will take a turn.. i dun believe in guys dat much animore.. wateva happens, happens.. i luv all my gerls & i will not be taken in animore.. no more for me..

will resurrect.. somehow..


yesterday headed to JB wit the whole family for yet another BIG b'day celebration.. celebratin the b'days of aYuL, aBg Mus, MaK NoR & afiK.. did quite njoy the kecoh-ness or wat we'd say crowd.. wuz in deep tots though before the whole event started cuz i remembered FaiZaL wuz supposed to tag along but unfortunately.. oh well..

pix will be up soon & i will try my very best to upload as soon as i can.. wuz surprised dat aBg fiQue wuz there cuz i tot he myt be busy wit his other committments.. forgot abt my probs for a while & tried to njoy the whole evenin..

things already cooled off between me & rOzi & i hope things will remain the way they r now.. family goin off dis comin thurs.. balik kampong arh.. mish my grandmama but i can't take anymore leaves [yet..].. aniwae, to my SingLes_OuT gerls.. r we set to go KL end of the mth? update k? FiE msged me fr Thailand yesterday & gosh do i mish him toO.. wuz juz thinkin of him the other day..

i would lyk to thank my beloved s|zzy for introducin me to on d'radio.. sumthin new dat i wud lyk to try.. *wInKz*

thank u sHweet shedah for ur words.. i will try to be strong..

aight.. will update soon..

updates


230805

my BaBy.. the one i truly adore, whom i cherish wit all my heart & soul, the love of my life, decided to end a relationship dat i thought wud last.. i appreciate the tyms he's shared & i pray dat one day, things will be as how they were the last tym.. wateva dat happened in the past, i haf long forgiven him cuz i noe the kind of person he is & i noe dat it is impossible to actually change a person's character.. never once did i haf the intention of hurtin his feelins or cheat on him cuz i LOVE him so much..

i should haf understood his position.. shud not haf asked for the attention but instead shower him wit the attention.. i love him too much to actually accept the fact dat he's lettin me go & i will still hold on to wat i believe until i see it wit my very own eyes dat he doesn't love me animore.. until den, i will never see myself wit another person & will still love him as how i've always did..

020905

it cud haf been our 8th monthsary yesterday...

a very bad start to my week.. for the 1st tym in the past few mths, i hurt rOzi's feelins.. she totally is a changed person fr wat i observed.. no longer the sweet rOzi dat i knew.. she told me i've changed eversince dat terrible incident.. tryin my best here to be my old self but sumtyms i can't help but to think abt him.. feels lyk we're driftin apart.. she's not her usual self, keepin things fr me & we're spendin lesser tym wit each other.. hate dis tension btw us.. one by one things are turnin against me..

sumtyms i juz dun understand why do ppl lyk hurtin me dis way.. all the tym i try to accomodate to them but it seems dat my best was never enuf.. wat more do these guys wan fr me? tried controllin my temper wit dem, tried toleratin wit their lifestyles, apologised at every arguements we haf so wat more?? why can't i just haf a decent relationship lyk all other ppl?? i can neither be myself nor the person dat they wan me to be.. i really, really dun understand..

no more for me..! ain't no freakin' guy is gonna hurt me no more..!

baby please..


it's not just saying 'I LOVE YOU'
it's not just asking 'HOW ARE YOU?'
how am i to know all this is true?
when all i'm feeling is sad & blue

i miss the times we used to share
there's never a minute that i can't spare
but i guess you're worn of seeing me
so i'll just leave things as it be

we used to walk together hand in hand
we used to talk like we're best friends
but now it seems we're worlds apart
let me tell you, it's breaking my heart..

why is it so hard for you?
to see what i am going through
nights & nights of restless sleep
are you really mine to keep?

where's the answer to my prayer?
just you... i want no other..

so confused


here i go again..! one moment i'm bloody pissed wit him & the next moment i'm not! how not to wen he suddenly becomes so sweet... :( i dunno how i'm supposed to be feelin & how to react.. wen i'm mad at him, he juz noes how to make me smile but wen i'm already happy, he makes me so angry..! i juz dunno wat he's up to..! God give me patience..!

mungkin bila nanti.. kitakan bertemu lagi..


HaPPy NatiOnaL DaY..!


last sunday i got 2 mit my aBg FiQue dat i've not met for quite some tym... missed him..! poor thing.. he had to run in & out fr his room, smile for pictures, pretend dat he's not tired wen he actually is.. wish i cud juz hug him & tell him dat everythin's alright & chill as how we always do wen i come over... this is the price of FAME.. not easy...

i've already put my words into action but sumhow i still haf the tendency of msgin FaiZaL abt the littlest things lyk askin him along to my Mak Long's b'day @ east coast juz now.. lyk "WhuT Da HeLL r U tHinkIn iDa??" but it's ok.. slowly i hope he'll c wat i'm gettin at..


mY beLoveD aBg FiQuE & mE

bad, bad habit..


it's really becomin a habit oh his.. i can't seem to bother anymore if i c him or not.. doesn't really make much difference.. things cud haf been as per normal if i wuz still at O'Briens.. damm.. dun take for granted dat i'm fine wit everythin juz becuz i dun say anythin.. it hurts a lot if the person u luv juz can't seem to understand u.. i can't kip tellin him dat i miss him, dat i wanna c him, dat i wanna spend quality tym wit him.. it'll juz suffocate him but at the same tym he shud use his thick bloody brains & think abt me as well..

werkin my ass off here, thinkin of him every single minute, findin ways to actually make tym for him but what does he do? nuthin..

if he wants to, i'll try make tym for him but if i'm not free then that's too bad..

i dun think i can take anymore of dis nonsense.. enuf is enuf..

crap..!

yiPpiE..!


i'm so happy..!

so very happy..!

got to mit my HuBBy yesterday & it made me the happiest gerl on the last day of July.. hehehe~ ~ HaPPy 7th mOnThsaRy To Mi & mY BaBy..! ~ call me fickle or watsoeva.. i'm goin thru dat tym of the month so dun blame me! werk today wuz smooth but no OT.. *iSk* me wanna OT! nid the dough.. lotssa things to settle.. it's ok.. stil haf 3 wks to aim for OT.. hehe~

went "shoppin" wit MuM, aYuL & my brother.. met my HuBBy @ tamp while my brother had his hair cut.. ended up, he tagged along while we shopped for PrinCeSS Q's b'day present.. after which, he sent them hm & we headed to East Coast to mit up wit his ex-colleague & fren LukMaN.. chilled a while & headed hm at ard 9+.. so nice to see my family members get along wit the man dat i love.. oh yeah.. must remember to get the gold bracelet for dat small PrinCeSS.. love her so much..!

at werk today, i had an unexpected "visit" fr my 1st boyfren.. hahahahaha! had the shock of my life wen i saw him come thru the office door..! fortunately for me, he didn't notice me there.. he wuz there sendin a printer or copier or somethin lyk dat.. stil luks lyk the same Noriwan Bin Salleh to me.. same hairstyle, same dressin, same sweet smile.. some ppl juz stay the same.. he happens to be ShaSha's ex-skulmate back in secondary sch.. such coincidence..

well, gotta go luk for a nice outfit for werk tmr.. catch y'all soon.. *WiNkZ*

sumtyms...


glad to hear dat my s|zzY has graduated.. cOngrats babe... ;) i wuz reminded of the tyms back in sch & how much it makes me sad.. sad in the sense dat i cud haf graduated by now, i cud haf been in a betta position now.. i dun wanna complain cuz everythin has already happened...

i wish...

sumtyms...

why?

the happiness dat he gave me last few days ago were juz temporary... he doesn't seem to notice anythin.. yeah he made me smile at werk but dat wuz juz it.. period.. f**k it..

tell me..


it's dat tym of the mth again.. oH bOy... *sIc* moOdy all week & stuff lyk dat.. no wonder.. i shud haf seen it comin..

mY BaBy called me today on my direct line! dat wuz so sweet of him..! *MuakZ!* dat's for u BaBy..! really perked me up.. made me smile throughout my OT till 1830 hrs juz now.. really wish i cud mit him up pretty soOn.. i really, really miSh him..! my cHuBBy2, cutie, sweetie darlin.. i haven't called him dis kindda names for a long2 tym... hehehe~ another one of those crazy moOds...
me & my BaBy on his 24th b'Day..



aniwae, i'm glad to hear dat my SingLes_OuT sistas [except for eBoO.. where are u MuMMy dearest?] are really njoyin themselves doin things dat they lyk.. im really lukin foward to doin sumthin amazin or at least go back to schooL.. but at the rate im goin, luks lyk i haf to wait really long for it to happen.. *SiGh* i miSh my aBg FiQue too.. :( hope he will be ard for the 'kenduri' thingy dis comin Saturday.. mayb i cud get sumthin 'amazin' out of him.. hehehe~

i shud try to get another part tym job mayb.. dat way, i'll get to earn xtra bucks, i cud save up more & mayb den i cud do amazin things..! how 'bout dat? anyone cud recommend part tym jobs?

it's just those rainy days...


been clearin my desk most of the tym today.. still inbalanced.. the right seems heavier than the left side.. must be the plant.. or maybe it's the bears... i dunno.. wuz taken a week-plus ago..







fie goin overseas... *SiGh* didn't get to see him before he left.. so sorry abt saturday ya.. :(

speakin of saturday, last minute plan to go cheeky's.. me, rOzi & her fren LyN... it wuz not as njoyable as last wk but everythin wuz ok.. rOzi made a couple of frens inside while i carried out my 'mission:impossible' & stepped on the feets of those hu tried to intrude my dancin space.. hehehe~ played bodyguard as well to these 2 ladies.. wuzn't really in the mood to dance, only wanted to have a couple of drinks & chill while waitin for the tym to past but rOzi got me groovin.. wat will i do without mY DanCeR.. hehe~

mish my huBBy a LOT!! i noe.. drinkin doesn't solve anythin but it's really stressful & it has taken a toll on myself.. lost weight, lost my appetite, lost my mood.. shit happens... *SiGh* last tym i met him wuz on his b'day [12th july], he fetched me yesterday [25th july] but i still mish him..

losin it soOn..

updates..


6th: new pc arrived at werk.. at long last..!

10th: comm skill course at werk.. had so much fun.. *sMiLeZ*

12th: faiZaL's 24th b'day.. had a small celebration, nuthin fancy though.. juz spent the whole day by ourselves, watchin VCDs, eatin pizza & caught up with the tym dat we lost (whole wk to be precise.. *SiGh*)

14th: PAY DAY BABY..! hehe..~

16th: HARRY POTTER PROMOTION. after a day of stupid enquiries abt the HP books, went clubbin @ Cheeky's with RoZi, iDaDi, Ju & iZan.. made new frens with a bunch of arab guys.. one of 'em; khalid, really cute, 20 yrs old, 2nd yr Mecha Engg student @ SP.. juz frens.. dun weri.. *WiNkZ*

17th: went to Hyatt, JB to celebrate MuM, MaMa, Kak LiaNa & Khair's b'days.. wuz njoyin myself until it got to the shoppin part.. damm.. wrong shoes again.. got hm at abt 11+ & fell aslp as soon as my body landed on the bed..!

aYuL got a laptop fr BaBa.. in fact dis entry is done fr the laptop.. hehehe~ we also made new glasses.. no more contact lens for me for the tym being.. myn's red LEVI'S full frame & aYuL's is blue LEVI'S half-frame. did sum shoppin for new tops as well.. wanted to get pants or skirt but always ended up gettin tops.. hehehe~

PS: i miss my long-distance fren.. promise i will call u as soon as i find the tym.. mish u StEviE..!

wont say goodbye tho..


& there he goes.. off to canada.. it's not the end though.. we shall see each other again.. i noe we will.. hear fr u soon stevie..

here i am, sittin at home, in front of the pc feelin drowsy & nursin a fever.. it has been 2 1/2 days already.. temperature's gradually droppin.. it reached a high of 39.2 degrees on wednesday nyt till thursday afternoon.. well, got 2 days off fr werk.. missed trainin sessions bcuz of my fever but they already have a replacement now.. i'm terribly sorry gerls.. mayb i missed my BaBy toO much.. or mayb i had too much on my mind lately.. i'll stick wit the first one..

speakin of which, i tink my BaBy's lost some weight.. he luks smaller than usual.. hope he's eatin ryt.. he told me he's only eatin once a day now.. must try to see him more often.. i am gettin worried for him.. hhmmm...

dreading..


24TH JUNE 2005--why?

ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER..
trust these words.. they can save u from misery.. it's true..! i've nvr been apart fr my BaBy for dis long before.. fortunately for me it's juz a week.. any longer & it will drive me crazy.. bought a matchin cloth for him to make his baju kurung for dis year's raya.. we're wearin green..! eat dat, WiYaH..! khehehe~ got some other colours as well [includin a royal blue lace wit silver lining & a cream songket] but tinkin of savin dem for 2006's raya.. wat say u?

the hse is gonna be renovated soon.. i'm gonna get new floorin, new bathrooms & most important of all, i'm gettin a new room.. ;) the long process of a month.. *SiGh* patience.. all's well by next mth..

aniwae, i've got a course on the 26th dis mth [or 10th july].. some Customer Service related stuff.. hehehe~ dat's xtra $100 for me..! it's fr 9am-4pm.. long hrs huh? but the money's good.. ;p will be back again soon..

family day


here's wat happened today:

1. got up at 6.30am [thank u RoZi baby..], got ready for werk by 7.25am, left the hse, met RoZi, reached werk at 7.57am, knocked off at 12.30pm.
-----
2. reached O'Briens at ard 1.25pm, waited for my sister to knock off at 3.32pm, met MuM & my BroTher there as well, left at 3.35pm for Capitol Building to settle his stuffs.
-----
3. fetched DaD at ard 4.30pm at Centrepoint, had lunch at ZamZam at abt 5.45pm , went shopping at Bugis till 8.25pm, headed for Forum.
-----
4. met Aim quite close to 9pm, walked down to Starbucks @ Somerset, went hm by 9.57pm.
-----

dat's thanks to the peaceful, most njoyable, lovely & long sleep dat i had the night before.. khehehe~ walkin does make one very tired it seems.. another mistake learnt: DO NOT WEAR WORKING SHOES IF U INTEND ON LONG WALKS & SHOPPING TRIPS..!

sumthin caught my eye as we were browsin for DaD's b'day-cum-Fathers' Day gifts at Centrepoint.. wont reveal it here yet though.. thought it would be a nice gift for my BaBy for his 24th b'day next mth.. although, it is still too early.. i can't wait to give it to him..! or mayb i'll juz give it to him the next tym i see my BaBy & get him another gift on the actual b'day itself.. *FICKLE!!* speakin of which, i miss my BaBy [again].. almost a week since i last saw him.. *SiGh* soOn.. pretty soOn..

untitled


already started on the REAL THING @ werk.. fortunately for me, my buddy wuz very, very helpful.. her name's Mastura but i juz call her Kak Mas for short.. FOR YOUR INFO, i'm not werkin @ any post office as most of u have assumed.. hehehe~ i'm doing Customer Service as in answerin of phonecalls from the public regarding Singapore Post's services.. get it now? so PLEASE people, i dun werk in a post office alright..?

had dinner wit stevie a few nyts ago @ cafe cartel.. look at what we had..!


SEAFOOD MADNESS!!

a platter for 3.. hehe~ managed to [almost] finish up the food & lucky for us, we skipped dessert.. khehehe~

speakin of food, my BaBy gave me a surprise by fetchin me fr werk one day & treated me to dinner @ Swensen's... dat wuz so sHweet of him..! it's one of those "once-in-a-while" kindda surprises that he tinks of sumtyms [lyk the tym he got me dis really pretty necklace with a very light brown stone pendant studded wit small diamonds..] luv u BaBy..! toO bad he doesn't read blogs.. doesn't really interest him.. headin for bed soOn..