LETTER FOR A SISTER..


SO U SAY U GUYS CARE? R U SURE? HAVE U GUYS EVER GIF A TOT ABT HOW I WOULD FEEL OR TINK..? HAF U GUYS EVER REALISED DAT I AM FAMILY..? U GUYS TINK I DO WATEVER I DID WITOUT TINKIN RYT..?I BET U DO.. WELL I DUN.. I HAF MY REASONS Y I DUN FOLLOW THE RULES AT HM..

SO U SAY DAT HE CARES & LUVS ME MORE DEN ANY OF U GUYS? R U SURE? HU IS THE ONE DAT HE DOTES UPON ALL THE TYM? HU IS THE ONE HU DOESNT GET SCOLDIN FOR SCORIN BADLY IN THE EXAMS? WUZ DAT ALL ME..? I DUN TINK SO.. COUNT URSELVES LUCKY DAT BOTH UR CHILDHOODS WUZ MORE COLOURFUL DEN MYN.. COUNT URSELVES LUCKY DAT U DIDNT HAF TO FACE THE CANE EVERY SINGLE DAY OF UR CHILDHOOD.. SKUL FEES..? HE TOLD ME HE'S NO LONGER PAYIN FOR MY SKUL FEES.. THANX A LOT.. I WILL TRY TO FIND MY MEANS, I'LL TINK OF SUMTHIN.. U WANT ME TO PONDER ABT Y I BLAME HIM WEN I MADE A MISTAKE..? HU'S THE ONE HU MADE THE MISTAKE IN THE 1ST PLC..? SO HE TINKS DAT I DIDN'T LUK FOR A JOB..? TINK AGAIN.. U TINK I LYK ASKIN HIM FOR MONEY..? ALL THROUGHOUT MY ENTIRE SKUL LIFE UP TILL O'BRIENS, HAF I EVER TROUBLED HIM FINANCIALLY..? EVEN WEN HE BORROWED FR ME, HAF I EVER ASKED FOR IT BACK..? PLEASE PONDER & TELL ME.. I'M JUZ CURIOUS.. Y DOES HE LYK TO PICK ON ME..? I MEAN, WAT IS PAST HAS PASSED.. I'M NO LONGER THE PERSON I WUZ BEFORE SO Y IS HE STILL PICKIN ON ME..? SO MANY TYMS I'VE CHANGED JUZ SO WE WON'T FIGHT BUT THERE IS ALWAYS SUMTHIN ABT ME DAT BOTHERS HIM SO MUCH DAT HE HAS TO QUARREL WIT ME..

I LUV HER A LOT.. EVEN IF SHE DOESN'T TREAT ME AS WELL AS SHE TREATS U, I STIL LUV HER.. EVEN WEN SHE DOESN'T WANNA TALK TO ME LYK HOW SHE TALKS TO U, I STIL LUV HER.. EVEN WEN SHE DOESN'T COME TO MY DEFENSE WEN HE BEATS ME UP LYK CRAP, I STIL LUV HER.. EVEN WEN SHE ALMOST MADE ME A CRIPPLE & BROKE MY BACK, I STIL LUV HER.. IT'S NOT THE PRESENTS DAT I WAN ON MY B'DAY, I JUZ WANNA BE TREATED JUZ AS EQUAL..

I TRIED TO BOND WIT HIM CUZ HE'S MY BROTHER.. I LUV HIM CUZ HE'S THE ONLY BROTHER I HAF.. I HAF NVR TREAT HIM BAD.. I DUN TINK I EVER DID.. I KIP MY DISTANCE AT TYMS BCUZ I DIDN'T WAN TO INFLUENCE HIM IN ANY BAD WAY.. HE'S THE ONE HU DOESN'T WANNA TALK TO ME.. HE'S THE ONE HU DOESN'T WANNA OPEN UP.. I WATCHED BOTH OF U GROW UP & IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME DAT U GUYS R CLOSE CUZ DATS HOW U GUYS HAF BEEN SINCE SMALL.. IT MAKES ME VERY HAPPY JUZ TO C THE BOTH OF U CLOSE.. I DUN ASK FOR MUCH..

I SWEAR I LUV U THE MOST OF ALL THE MEMBERS IN THE HSE.. U NOE I DO.. EVEN WEN U DUN COME TO MY RESCUE WEN I NEEDED U, I STIL LUV U.. I HAF NVR DISCRIMINATED U & I'M FLATTERED TO HEAR DAT U LUK UP TO ME ALTHO I NOE I'M JUZ A PIECE OF USELESS CRAP HU GETS ON EVERYONE'S NERVES & MAKE THEIR BLOOD BOIL.. TINK OF ALL THE TYMS I'VE COVERED UR ASS WEN U GOT INTO TROUBLE.. U NOE I WON'T LET ANYONE LAY A FINGER ON U.. NOT EVEN DAD.. WAT'S THE USE OF HAVIN THE BRAINS BUT NOBODY CARES..? I DUN CARE HOW OR WAT U R, U R STIL MY SISTER HU I LUV VERY MUCH & NO ONE CAN CHANGE DAT FACT.. WAT MAKES U TINK I BAD-MOUTHED U TO MY FRENS..? SUMTYMS I DO SAY NASTY THINGS BUT U NOE I DUN MEAN DEM & I SAY DEM SUMTYMS SO DAT U REALISE DAT U SHUD STOP LIVIN IN MY SHADOWS & B URSELF.. I CANNOT BE THERE FOR U ALL THE TYM & BACK U UP.. IT'S NOT DAT I DUN WANNA SHARE SECRETS WIT U BUT LUK AT URSELF IN THE MIRROR & TINK.. EVERYTYM I SHARE SUMTHIN WIT U, U ALWAYS SAY ALL THE NEGATIVE THINGS & U ALWAYS PUT ME DOWN.. HOW DO U TINK I FEEL..?

U GUYS ALWAYS BLAME ME FOR EVERTHIN DAT HAPPENS IN THE HSE.. HAF U ALSO STOPPED TO TINK WAT U GUYS HAF DONE..? OR SHUD I SAY HAF NOT DONE..? I'M THE BAD APPLE IN THE HSE.. I'M THE ONE HU 'BROKE-UP' THE FAMILY.. I'M THE ONE HU'S CAUSIN THE TROUBLE.. HAF U GUYS TOT ABT Y I BECAME LYK DAT..? IT'S SO EZ FOR U TO POINT UR FINGERS AT ME BUT HAF U ALSO SEEN WAT I HAF DONE FOR THE FAMILY..?

PLEASE.. I WANNA GO HOME.. I WAN EVERYTHIN TO BE NORMAL.. IS IT SO HARD..?

Merry Christmas..!


yeah.. i dun celebrate x'mas but Merry X'mas aniwae.. haf been takin dis tym to slack.. i mean rest at hm.. khehehe~

aniwae, before i forget, i better jot down my resolutions sumwhr.. well here goes, in the order of importance..

1 - get myself a job
2 - pay off my bills
3 - get my drivin license
4 - complete my Diploma course
5 - FINALLY find a REAL guy to settle down wit..

speakin of settle down, it's Karima's weddin tdy.. congratulations.. *WiNkZ*

dis is gonna be one memorable new year.. exactly a yr back, east coast, sittin by the beach, countin down till new year's day, HE proposed.. *SiGh* gotta do sumthin on new year's eve.. kip myself distracted fr those tots.. well, i'll be back later.. gonna watch sum tv..

my 'WAN'derful Grandma..


171205
0700hrs - Headed out. only had 2 person in mind at dat moment of tym n strangely, one of dem was NeLL.. geez.. why? I dunno.. juz kindda miss him after the msn conversations we xchanged of late.. crappy, nonsensical buddy of myn.. hehe..

1000hrs - Met my Uncle Man & headed straight to Auntie Yam's [aka aYuL's MuM] plc.. found out they were building new semi-ds ard her area & my parents r now in discussion to buy a hse there.. geez [again].. slacked till late & BaBa says we're goin to Auntie Sham's plc in Malacca next..

2230hrs - Reached Auntie Sham's plc.. slpy.. *YaWn* hhmmpphh.. no comments.. slpy.. really..

181205
1102 - Juz woke up.. reached Grandma's at 0130 dis morning.. everyone tried wakin me up but I juz pretended dat I didn't hear dem.. hehe.. I'm achin all over.. oh well..

1612 - All set now.. we're headin to Ulu Bentong, a 15 mins drive fr Grandma's.. I dunno how to describe the plc but u'll c it in the pics later..

1900 - Back.. Very tired but had a great tym.. ;) hehehe~ the water wuz darn cold..! almost froze wen my feet touched the water..

191205
1000 - Hmm.. an hr earlier den ystrday.. we're goin visitin tdy.. heard there's a possibility we're goin hm tdy.. hhmmm...

1645 - We're at Grandma's 2nd sister's hse, 1/2 an hr ride fr her plc.. been here since 1400.. myt not be goin hm tdy.. sadness..

201205
0750 - Awake.. WoW..! hehehe~ & no one woke me up.. ;) guess the excitement is too overwhelmin.. can't wait to be back..

1140 - Got back fr class.. [i went straight to class the moment we reached mind u..] saw my frens online.. I MISH U GUYS..!

40.0 degrees..


YEAH..! assignments all done & submitted..! FINALLY..

found out dat now many ppl has dis perception dat i'm datin RuSHy.. oh dear.. RuSHy.. RuSHy.. he makes it so real dat i dunno how i'm gonna get out of dis one.. hmmm...

i did sumthin silly last saturday.. wuz so pissed wit HIM at hm dat i took off & went drinkin.. bodoh kan? a drink too many & there i wuz, flyin witout wings... hehehehe~ BUT i did not trouble anyone.. thank goodness.. sober up in the afternoon at abt 3pm & felt zombie-ish.. broke one of my pacts.. sheesh.. things lukin rough for me.. no HP, no internet [sumtyms, at hm..] & no one at hm [but my sis] is talkin to me for some reason.. *SiGh*

haf been eatin a lot lately.. hung out wit sTeve, GreG & aLeXis a lot toO.. speakin of which, GreG leaves on the 20th.. funny fella.. hehehe~ gonna miss him wen he's gone.. felt feverish last wednesday & yesterday was a high of 40.0 degrees.. felt better tdy & temp is currently at 37.2 as i type dis.. aniwae, leavin for grandma's at 10 later.. will b back on the 20th, hopefully in tym for SBS class..

aite gonna leave u guys wit pics of MORE food..!

assignments.. tsk..




yeap.. dats my shoe's heel.. it came off even before i went for the hari raya outin wit aYuL, her guy & his frens... hehehe~

aniwae, met up wit sTevie & DaVe yesterday for dinner.. well, DaVe got sort-of promoted so i asked him for a treat.. hehe~ thick-skinned me.. thank u guy for dinner.. njoyed myself very much & thank u sTevie for the indepth tots on SPGs..

my assignments ARE NOT COMPLETED YET..!!! AARRRGGGHHH..!! stressed out wit no job, no luv, no life.. aniwae, i shall leave u peeps wit the food we had yesterday..

Beef Rendang


BBq Stingray


Chap Chye


[The Not-So-Tasty] Soon Hock with Soya & Garlic Sauce

fill 'em up


so many things, so little lines.. bear wit me guys..

the suckiest Raya so far.. pictures up so help urself to the sad little pictures.. it wuz so sucky dat i went out wit aYuL's frens [erm.. actually aYuL's guy's skulmates..] who we dun noe.. but thanx aniwae SiS for being so thoughtful.. luv u lots.. to all frens: next yr aite..? disappointment.. aniwae, attended dJ RuSHy's open hse on the 26th last mth.. thanx RuSH..

MuM's buggin me abt marriage.. no Ma, u betta stop it.. i'm not gettin married [yet..] cuz i'm not ready.. damm.. she's scarin me wit the 'M' word.. she kips tinkin dat HeLMy [my SBS classmate] is my guy wen he actually is not.. Ma, reali, stop it.. i mean it..! speakin of which, classes r almost comin to the end.. Human & Mass Communication [HMC] class will end on the 12th & Social Behavioural Studies [SBS] class will end on the 23rd.. i haf a very long way to get my diploma & after which i'm tinkin of continuin wit the advanced diploma.. *SiGh*

found a part-tym job juz for this december.. helpin out at a gift/flower shop as an admin asst.. betta den nuthin ryt..? i finally handed over my SingPost werk pass & collected the remains of my stuff back at the office.. suddenly, i miss the plc, my pals at werk & especially my best fren, iDaDi..

went to watch Chicken Little [he's kindda cute..] wit HeLMy juz now & after which we went to esplanade to catch Lovehunters' performance.. damm..! the vocalist [yaZiD] literally took my breath away..! swept me off my feet..! *DrooLs..* hehehe~ he wuz gd, well the trio wuz gd.. WoW..! wud luv to c him perform again.. met up wit aYuL & NaD & headed hm after..

suddenly most of my ex-es r in contact wit me.. hhmmm..

- FiE
- FaiZaL [mD]
- aZHaR
- NaS [well i wudn't consider him but can also lah..]

but becoz..?


i must b borin u guys wit details dat may seem irrelevant to ur daily lives.. i cant help it.. not dat i dun wanna talk to any of u, juz dat i cant say it.. my RESURRECTION is the only plc i can let out everythin.. *SiGh*

my sis got herself a Nokia 3230 recently.. gd for u SiS.. u've been wantin a new phone ryt? stil in search of a new job.. applied to all sorta companies & yet to receive news.. im bored to death ryt now, here at hm.. waitin for the tym to reach 6pm.. mittin one of my pals, wanna go chill at east coast..

quittin smokin is givin me migrane..! will not give up.. already quit clubbin [erm.. i think..] & drinkin.. one of those resolutions before the New Year shits.. i noticed i'm shrinkin.. must be agein really fast here.. losin my appetite, losin my temper, losin my mood.. losin everythin..

gd luck to FaiZaL on ur new luv life.. glad to hear ur movin on..

i'm njoyin myself deejayin almost every nyt.. be it by myself or wit dJ RuSHy, everytym i go onair, i feel lyk i'm in another plc.. whr ppl listen to me & not me listenin to dem.. a change for once..

i've updated my POETRY PAGE so do check it out.. i shall leave u guys now wit my pic fr JB..


my QuRaiSyaH..


aYuL & her 'MuM'


mE & MuM


aYuL & MuM


uS @ one of the kampung..


mE & aYuL..

he wasn't man enuf for me


gone.. he's gone.. hehe~ told u peepz.. these kindda guys r lyk everywhr nowadays.. no regrets, no tears, no turnin back for me.. it's so ez.. u lie, u get out of my life.. dat's it, short & simple.. thank goodness i wuzn't serious wit him or else i'll only end up wit another chipped-off heart.. hehehe~

it's lyk dis.. i'm not tryin to say dat i wuz playin ard wit his feelins.. juz dat i told him i wuzn't ready for a relationship & he didn't seem lyk the type you can get serious wit [pls read my blog entry dated november 11] but he said dat 'he luvs me' & all those mushy stuffs.. wateva..! so, ok fine.. i let him haf a taste of wat it's lyk wen u lie to DeE in a relationship.. he lied A LOT & dat wuz enuf for me to show him the door..

- bike? i didn't c ur licence.
- ex-gf died 2 yrs ago? u broke up 4 mths back.
- bike accident? more lyk 'i fell off my bed'.
- parents divorcin? already divorced.
- dad in Bali? mayb dad in Batam.
- credit cards? get urself an ATM card first.

wat do u guys get wen u do dis?

i dun..


i'm not werkin animore but im wuz thinkin of lukin for a job dat's relevant to my course.. i'm reali not a theory person.. hehe~ tot it wud b better if i found a job dat's in the same capacity as my course so at least i've got the experience..

found sumone hu is 'in luv' wit me.. wateva.. dun reali trust those words until proven.. dunno if he's serious or juz being a playa [if u noe wat i mean..] some call him DaNieL or alternatively NaSiR, 27, stubborn old jackass, mummy's 'boy', a lady's man & kips tellin people 'nie bini aku..' [dis is my wife..] havent got a picture of him to show but will try to get it soon.. he doesnt reali lyk takin pictures of himself.. damm him.. well, i juz take wateva dat comes.. if he's not up to it also den i'm sori baby, out the door u go.. the feelin of lykin a guy is slowly wearin off me.. haha..!

i'm disappointed wit tmr's plan.. RaJa said we're not goin out tmr & FiE hasnt called or reply me back.. found out the TK guys r plannin on jalan raya next saturday but i've yet to call anione of dem.. MuM's not goin to Uncle Rosli's open hse tmr so i guess it's 'Stay Home Saturday' for me unless ZiE has plans.. hhmmm...

gotta clarify sumthin.. people myt tink dat i'm reali a Black Widow but i'm not.. happens dat i've got loads of guy frens.. dat's all.. it's been dat way eversince i wuz a kid so dun get the wrong idea aite..? ryt.. leavin now, talk later..

cheats, lies & deceits...


actually i already typed out my previous entries but sumhow, blogger wuz under maintainence, didn't save my entries & all wuz lost.. damm it..

had my hair cut tink abt 1 or 2 wks back.. dyed it red [dun ask..!] & i luk lyk a freakin witch.. talk abt halloween..!

aniwae, met FaiZaL & LukMaN last friday.. he came to take his baju kurung fr me.. we slacked & chatted a while at my void deck & after wat seemed lyk 15 minutes, they left.. no comments..

hey, i've already added the september babies photo & the 'legendary' cursed 3-2-3.. hehehe~ the neverendin haunt..

i've yet to jalan raya & not sure wen we [the whole family] r goin to do so.. it's a really freakin different Raya for me.. *SiGh*

aniwae, wats wit my blog topic u say..? well wat else..? they cheat, they lie & they r full of deceit..
- FiE >> tot u wanted the green baju kurung? i painstakingly kept it for u.. u didnt reply my msgs, didnt return my calls & ended up i gave it to FaiZaL.
- aNDiE >> disappeared. period.
- DaNNy >> disappeared [wit my 50 geez]. damm it..

hhmm... juz found out sumthin.. my lyf is revolvin ard too many ppl by the name of FaiZaL.. gotta STAY [very far, far] AWAY fr dem.. i can go on but i betta not.. peace out..

Selamat Hari Raya


Selamat Hari Raya to y'all...

Thorough sadness fills my heart, as the takbir is chanted in the air..
Different is today, now my MuM is far, far away..
As families walk thru the streets visitin their loved ones, here i am longin for MuM..
missin HIM too, the one i adore..
Strong as i am, i cannot lie..
SEPASANG KURUNG HIJAU..
BERAKHIRNYA CINTA INI..

'da BLACK WIDOW..


seems lyk my Singles_Out haf done it so i tink it's my turn.. here goes..

7 things dat [will] scare me:
- my MuM not comin home for RaYa
- losin my family
- losin my frens
- growin old
- not gettin married
- guys being afraid of me.. hehehehe!~
- not able to find DAT SUMONE to fill the empty space in my heart.. *SiGh*

7 things dat i lyk most:
- Singles_Out
- iDaDi
- mY BeLoveD aBg FiQue.. hhmmm...
- internet
- SiNgiN'.. lalalaala...
- takin pictures.. hehehe~ an understatement..!
- tall guys.. [pls refer to point no. 3] *WiNkZ..!*

7 most important things in my room:
- my [SiSter's] laptop
- my Winnie the Pooh
- my comforter
- my mirror
- my air-conditioner
- my Starbucks mug
- my SiSter

7 random facts abt me:
- i get paranoid wen sumone calls me by my full name
- wen i scream at my SiSter, it means i luv her..
- i cry wen i dun get to surf the net.. even for a while..
- i haf manic depression [at certain tyms dat is..]
- i [am beginnin to] haf insomnia
- i'm a DEVOTED GURLFREN damm it..! i really am, ouhkie..?
- i become sumone else wen i'm wit DAT SUMONE dat i adore..

7 things i plan to do before i die:
- tell DAT SUMONE dat i adore him
- get married
- get married & honeymoon in SpaIn
- stop screamin at my SiSter
- start communicatin wit my BroTher
- quit smokin
- make BaBa quit smokin also.. hehehe~

7 things dat i CAN do:
- fall in luv
- flare my temper at the wierdest moments
- show guys who i'm not interested in DA HAND w/o feelin guilty
- stayin up for a max of 48 hrs
- be on tym for appointments.. hehehe~
- cook
- sing.. [wuz forced to admit it..]

7 things dat i CANT do:
- dJ & type at the same tym
- sing & dance at the same tym
- sing alone in front of an audience
- resist the temptation of spendin my last few dollars
- tell DAT SUMONE dat i adore him
- quit smokin
- change myself to suit another person's criteria

7 words i say a lot:
- Thank you for callin SingPost, this is Ida. How can I help you?
- 'kau dah kenaper??!'
- 'tak dapat..!'
- damm u..!
- 'tengok ah camaner..'
- 'kalau kau fikir..'
- 'mati ah..!'

7 celeb crushes:
- aBg FiQue
- Taufik
- Taufik Batisah
- Da Singapore Idol
- mY fav cuzzin
- Sulaiman Hamzah
- Christiano Ronaldo

7 peeps i would luv to see doin dis:
- my SiSter
- my SiSter's frens
- ?
- ?
- ?
- ?
- ?

ouhkie.. my SiSter's waitin for me now.. gtg change.. gonna go haf a haircut later..

oh happy days..!


hahahahaha..!~

my [3/4] Singles_Out gerls nvr fail to put a smile on my face.. thank u gerls..! thank u also to Singles_Out's best fren(s) for takin tym off to join us in one of our outings [iDaDi, aDek & a'Ne's frens.. hehe..].. so sori to my 2 darlins for the hiccup at the beginnin of the outin.. lyk s|z mentioned, i've given up on eBoO.. cant be bothered to ask her for the next gatherin.. well, i njoyed myself VERY, VERY much yesterday & i apologize 1 more tym for disappearin halfway thru the outin..

pictures [compliments fr s|z & my other reliable resources..] will be up.. soon.. promise..

juz realized dat i havent been updatin my poetry page.. hhmmm... soon also..

ryt.. got to go dj now... catch up wit y'all later..

[new] Singles_Out


s|z & her gerlfren


a'Ne & her gerlfrens


DeE & her gerlfren

there she goes..


they left on thursday afternoon at abt 4.30pm.. said gdbye to MuM teary-eyed.. i'm missin her already & i miss MaMa & Mak Nor.. damm.. juz wished they cud come home soOn..

cant wait to go break fast wit my Singles_Out SISTERS.. it's gonna be a 'Girlfriends' nyt out again.. YiPPiE..!

skul wuz fun.. a totally different experience fr NYP.. both my lecturers r fun & understandin.. [too bad one's old & the other's not my type.. hhmmm...] wanna thank my superiors @ SingPost for their kind understandin & givin me the flexible werkin hrs to accommodate to my classes.. *WiNkZ!*

to all the guys out there hu stil tinks dat im available.. let me make dis clear.. I AM NOT.. well, i m but im not interested.. hehehe~ i did try but it didnt werk out.. *SiGh*

busy, busy, BUSY..!


i'm startin skul dis monday.. my classes will be ongoing on every mondays & tuesdays @ MDIS campus, stirling road... dat's pretty far.. WoW..! i'm goin back to skul..! *sMiLeZ*

went to geylang today wit RaJa, ZaLi & DaniEL.. my 'SiSteRs' dat i've not met for quite sum tym... missed dem..! hehehehe~ ppl tot dat DaniEL wuz my guy cuz he's the only one hu luks 'straight' but nOpe, he's nOt..! hahahaha~ met a few ppl there namely, nOra [my cuzzin], KaK OyaH [my oTheR cuzzin], aPai [my fren], sHeDah [my BaBy..!] & BB [O'Briens ex colleague]..

before dat, after werk, went out wit iDaDi.. she accompanied me to pay my skul fees & after which we walked to Paradiz Centre & den to Plaza Singapura... must haf lost a couple of grams.. hehehe~ [wont say kilo..]

contradictin...
now im kippin in touch wit FaiZaL.. why?? i dunno.. mayb cuz of his baju kurung? i dun care.. he's juz a fren to me now.. wateva happens, happens..

now.. concentrate...


had a kenduri @ MaMa's hse tdy.. it's for the Umrah thingy.. *SiGh* dis yr's the saddest Hari Raya for me..
1> MuM's not in S'pore on the 1st day
2> BaBa's werkin on the 1st day
3> my 1st tym celebratin w/o my 'Other Half'
4> spendin a lot [for the 1st tym] for Hari Raya (ok so dat's not so sad... it's a responsibility..)

i dun wan a committment ryt now.. i've got responsibilities for the tym bein.. shoo guys..!

aniwae, i myt be startin skul @ MDIS if not soon den it'll be in January.. thanx BaBa..

**Singles_Out --> if u gerls wanna break fast on the weekend, how abt 22nd/23rd?

& suddenly it came back..


mistake..
mistake..
mistake..

met LukMaN yesterday & it wuz a mistake.. the main reason y i met up wit him wuz dat i wanted my MiNi ViSa back.. FaiZaL passed it to LukMaN & told him to return it to me.. shared the whole experienced wit LukMaN over dinner & i dunno.. *SiGh* FiE told me dat it cud juz all be a setup meanin dat LukMaN wuz juz bein an informer to FaiZaL.. an ego-booster for him if true enuf LukMaN wuz to pass on wateva i told him last nyt.. i dun care actually if he really does tell FaiZaL wat i told him.. to me everythin is over, it's all in the past..

huh! wuz told dat he became depressed, started drinkin till he knocked himself out.. wOw.. wuz dat supposed to make me feel sori for him..? did he feel sori for me..?

mistake..

hey..! brOtha FiE's comin home..! told me he'll be back by 2000hrs.. cOoL.. my best buDDy's back..

somewhere.. out there..


woah.. after knockin off @ SingPost, here i go rushin off to O'Briens down @ Jelita.. wakin up late everyday for werk is lyk a normal routine already.. lyf's tough & i dunno for how long more i can cope.. missed many dj-ing sessions bcuz of werk.. damm..

recently, last mon went to east coast for aZHaR's 25th b'day.. only 5 of us [mE, iDaDi, aZHaR, RaHmaT & SuHaiMi..] but we had loads of fun.. stil waitin for SuHaiMi to send me the pics.. [& i stil haf not uploaded the Sept BaBies pics.. hehe~]

well, nuthin much for updates actually unless u wanna hear abt how i rushed fr Paya Lebar to Holland Road & the amt of cash i spent on cab fares fr Holland Road to Bedok inclusive of midnyt charges..? catch y'all later..


aZHaR, SuHaiMi, RaHMaT


The Best Frens..


The Couple [not-meant-to-be]


@ Esplanade..

hey mr dj..


or it shud haf been ms dj.. did i get it right? aniwae, it's been a mth since the bloody incident happened & im still tryin to cope with things.. everythin lukin brighter for me now.. i luv my social life now.. im almost back to how i wuz couple of years back wen i juz started to be really close to iDaDi, my best fren of 5 yrs & im also almost back on my feet once more.. Thank U God..

tdy wuz my first shot at bein a dj @ On'D Radio.. haha!~ i sucked..! terrible boy.. nvm.. still got chance to improve.. *WiNkZ* thank u s|z for ur guidance & help.. luv u lots..! as i've said, i sucked but hey, i njoyed myself a lot..

i mish sumone now actually but i wont say hu.. *SiGh*

ouh.. 1 last thing before i peace out: I LOVE MYSELF..

. : iDaDi & iDaDeE : .

feels resurrected...


shud i try my luck in luv again? its so temptin yet so scary.. i wud luv to luv again but sumthin is juz holdin me back.. can i trust ur species again? sumtyms i juz loath the sight of them but its only temporary..

startin my part tym werk at O'Briens @ Jelita tmr, straight after werk.. will be needin the cash since i haf so much things to pay.. things r so different now dat MuM's not werkin.. it's all up to me & DaD.. now i feel the pressure of being part of the breadwinner..

will update later.. headin to east coast soon..

are you lonesome tonight..?


suddenly..
DAT feelin came back.. the same feelin dat i felt 3 mths after i broke up wit FiE.. damm.. i hate DAT feelin.. the squeezie feelin..

it hurts..

loneliness has set its plc in my heart again..
i hate guys for dis..
i hate guys for the pain..
i hate guys hu dun care..
i hate guys hu take pleasure in hurtin us..

frens can be there for u but not all the tym, mind u.. they haf their own life too.. but i thank all my frens hu've been there for me, distracted me fr the pain, spent tym wit me, the advices y'all gave.. i luv u all..

soon resurrectin..


thanx to all those hu stood by me.. though not throughly healed, i noe i will pick up the pieces..

iteniary for saturday [100905]
-: 0930 - 1330
werk

-: 1420 - 1550
lunch @ banquet wit aCt, discussion on 'on d'radio.com'

-: 1610 - 2000
dance comp @ Pasir Ris Elias CC

-: 2000 - 2200
visit Cairnhill CC

everythin summarized.. i dunno y but sumhow i noe, things will take a turn.. i dun believe in guys dat much animore.. wateva happens, happens.. i luv all my gerls & i will not be taken in animore.. no more for me..

will resurrect.. somehow..


yesterday headed to JB wit the whole family for yet another BIG b'day celebration.. celebratin the b'days of aYuL, aBg Mus, MaK NoR & afiK.. did quite njoy the kecoh-ness or wat we'd say crowd.. wuz in deep tots though before the whole event started cuz i remembered FaiZaL wuz supposed to tag along but unfortunately.. oh well..

pix will be up soon & i will try my very best to upload as soon as i can.. wuz surprised dat aBg fiQue wuz there cuz i tot he myt be busy wit his other committments.. forgot abt my probs for a while & tried to njoy the whole evenin..

things already cooled off between me & rOzi & i hope things will remain the way they r now.. family goin off dis comin thurs.. balik kampong arh.. mish my grandmama but i can't take anymore leaves [yet..].. aniwae, to my SingLes_OuT gerls.. r we set to go KL end of the mth? update k? FiE msged me fr Thailand yesterday & gosh do i mish him toO.. wuz juz thinkin of him the other day..

i would lyk to thank my beloved s|zzy for introducin me to on d'radio.. sumthin new dat i wud lyk to try.. *wInKz*

thank u sHweet shedah for ur words.. i will try to be strong..

aight.. will update soon..

updates


230805

my BaBy.. the one i truly adore, whom i cherish wit all my heart & soul, the love of my life, decided to end a relationship dat i thought wud last.. i appreciate the tyms he's shared & i pray dat one day, things will be as how they were the last tym.. wateva dat happened in the past, i haf long forgiven him cuz i noe the kind of person he is & i noe dat it is impossible to actually change a person's character.. never once did i haf the intention of hurtin his feelins or cheat on him cuz i LOVE him so much..

i should haf understood his position.. shud not haf asked for the attention but instead shower him wit the attention.. i love him too much to actually accept the fact dat he's lettin me go & i will still hold on to wat i believe until i see it wit my very own eyes dat he doesn't love me animore.. until den, i will never see myself wit another person & will still love him as how i've always did..

020905

it cud haf been our 8th monthsary yesterday...

a very bad start to my week.. for the 1st tym in the past few mths, i hurt rOzi's feelins.. she totally is a changed person fr wat i observed.. no longer the sweet rOzi dat i knew.. she told me i've changed eversince dat terrible incident.. tryin my best here to be my old self but sumtyms i can't help but to think abt him.. feels lyk we're driftin apart.. she's not her usual self, keepin things fr me & we're spendin lesser tym wit each other.. hate dis tension btw us.. one by one things are turnin against me..

sumtyms i juz dun understand why do ppl lyk hurtin me dis way.. all the tym i try to accomodate to them but it seems dat my best was never enuf.. wat more do these guys wan fr me? tried controllin my temper wit dem, tried toleratin wit their lifestyles, apologised at every arguements we haf so wat more?? why can't i just haf a decent relationship lyk all other ppl?? i can neither be myself nor the person dat they wan me to be.. i really, really dun understand..

no more for me..! ain't no freakin' guy is gonna hurt me no more..!

baby please..


it's not just saying 'I LOVE YOU'
it's not just asking 'HOW ARE YOU?'
how am i to know all this is true?
when all i'm feeling is sad & blue

i miss the times we used to share
there's never a minute that i can't spare
but i guess you're worn of seeing me
so i'll just leave things as it be

we used to walk together hand in hand
we used to talk like we're best friends
but now it seems we're worlds apart
let me tell you, it's breaking my heart..

why is it so hard for you?
to see what i am going through
nights & nights of restless sleep
are you really mine to keep?

where's the answer to my prayer?
just you... i want no other..

so confused


here i go again..! one moment i'm bloody pissed wit him & the next moment i'm not! how not to wen he suddenly becomes so sweet... :( i dunno how i'm supposed to be feelin & how to react.. wen i'm mad at him, he juz noes how to make me smile but wen i'm already happy, he makes me so angry..! i juz dunno wat he's up to..! God give me patience..!

mungkin bila nanti.. kitakan bertemu lagi..


HaPPy NatiOnaL DaY..!


last sunday i got 2 mit my aBg FiQue dat i've not met for quite some tym... missed him..! poor thing.. he had to run in & out fr his room, smile for pictures, pretend dat he's not tired wen he actually is.. wish i cud juz hug him & tell him dat everythin's alright & chill as how we always do wen i come over... this is the price of FAME.. not easy...

i've already put my words into action but sumhow i still haf the tendency of msgin FaiZaL abt the littlest things lyk askin him along to my Mak Long's b'day @ east coast juz now.. lyk "WhuT Da HeLL r U tHinkIn iDa??" but it's ok.. slowly i hope he'll c wat i'm gettin at..


mY beLoveD aBg FiQuE & mE

bad, bad habit..


it's really becomin a habit oh his.. i can't seem to bother anymore if i c him or not.. doesn't really make much difference.. things cud haf been as per normal if i wuz still at O'Briens.. damm.. dun take for granted dat i'm fine wit everythin juz becuz i dun say anythin.. it hurts a lot if the person u luv juz can't seem to understand u.. i can't kip tellin him dat i miss him, dat i wanna c him, dat i wanna spend quality tym wit him.. it'll juz suffocate him but at the same tym he shud use his thick bloody brains & think abt me as well..

werkin my ass off here, thinkin of him every single minute, findin ways to actually make tym for him but what does he do? nuthin..

if he wants to, i'll try make tym for him but if i'm not free then that's too bad..

i dun think i can take anymore of dis nonsense.. enuf is enuf..

crap..!

yiPpiE..!


i'm so happy..!

so very happy..!

got to mit my HuBBy yesterday & it made me the happiest gerl on the last day of July.. hehehe~ ~ HaPPy 7th mOnThsaRy To Mi & mY BaBy..! ~ call me fickle or watsoeva.. i'm goin thru dat tym of the month so dun blame me! werk today wuz smooth but no OT.. *iSk* me wanna OT! nid the dough.. lotssa things to settle.. it's ok.. stil haf 3 wks to aim for OT.. hehe~

went "shoppin" wit MuM, aYuL & my brother.. met my HuBBy @ tamp while my brother had his hair cut.. ended up, he tagged along while we shopped for PrinCeSS Q's b'day present.. after which, he sent them hm & we headed to East Coast to mit up wit his ex-colleague & fren LukMaN.. chilled a while & headed hm at ard 9+.. so nice to see my family members get along wit the man dat i love.. oh yeah.. must remember to get the gold bracelet for dat small PrinCeSS.. love her so much..!

at werk today, i had an unexpected "visit" fr my 1st boyfren.. hahahahaha! had the shock of my life wen i saw him come thru the office door..! fortunately for me, he didn't notice me there.. he wuz there sendin a printer or copier or somethin lyk dat.. stil luks lyk the same Noriwan Bin Salleh to me.. same hairstyle, same dressin, same sweet smile.. some ppl juz stay the same.. he happens to be ShaSha's ex-skulmate back in secondary sch.. such coincidence..

well, gotta go luk for a nice outfit for werk tmr.. catch y'all soon.. *WiNkZ*

sumtyms...


glad to hear dat my s|zzY has graduated.. cOngrats babe... ;) i wuz reminded of the tyms back in sch & how much it makes me sad.. sad in the sense dat i cud haf graduated by now, i cud haf been in a betta position now.. i dun wanna complain cuz everythin has already happened...

i wish...

sumtyms...

why?

the happiness dat he gave me last few days ago were juz temporary... he doesn't seem to notice anythin.. yeah he made me smile at werk but dat wuz juz it.. period.. f**k it..

tell me..


it's dat tym of the mth again.. oH bOy... *sIc* moOdy all week & stuff lyk dat.. no wonder.. i shud haf seen it comin..

mY BaBy called me today on my direct line! dat wuz so sweet of him..! *MuakZ!* dat's for u BaBy..! really perked me up.. made me smile throughout my OT till 1830 hrs juz now.. really wish i cud mit him up pretty soOn.. i really, really miSh him..! my cHuBBy2, cutie, sweetie darlin.. i haven't called him dis kindda names for a long2 tym... hehehe~ another one of those crazy moOds...
me & my BaBy on his 24th b'Day..



aniwae, i'm glad to hear dat my SingLes_OuT sistas [except for eBoO.. where are u MuMMy dearest?] are really njoyin themselves doin things dat they lyk.. im really lukin foward to doin sumthin amazin or at least go back to schooL.. but at the rate im goin, luks lyk i haf to wait really long for it to happen.. *SiGh* i miSh my aBg FiQue too.. :( hope he will be ard for the 'kenduri' thingy dis comin Saturday.. mayb i cud get sumthin 'amazin' out of him.. hehehe~

i shud try to get another part tym job mayb.. dat way, i'll get to earn xtra bucks, i cud save up more & mayb den i cud do amazin things..! how 'bout dat? anyone cud recommend part tym jobs?

it's just those rainy days...


been clearin my desk most of the tym today.. still inbalanced.. the right seems heavier than the left side.. must be the plant.. or maybe it's the bears... i dunno.. wuz taken a week-plus ago..







fie goin overseas... *SiGh* didn't get to see him before he left.. so sorry abt saturday ya.. :(

speakin of saturday, last minute plan to go cheeky's.. me, rOzi & her fren LyN... it wuz not as njoyable as last wk but everythin wuz ok.. rOzi made a couple of frens inside while i carried out my 'mission:impossible' & stepped on the feets of those hu tried to intrude my dancin space.. hehehe~ played bodyguard as well to these 2 ladies.. wuzn't really in the mood to dance, only wanted to have a couple of drinks & chill while waitin for the tym to past but rOzi got me groovin.. wat will i do without mY DanCeR.. hehe~

mish my huBBy a LOT!! i noe.. drinkin doesn't solve anythin but it's really stressful & it has taken a toll on myself.. lost weight, lost my appetite, lost my mood.. shit happens... *SiGh* last tym i met him wuz on his b'day [12th july], he fetched me yesterday [25th july] but i still mish him..

losin it soOn..

updates..


6th: new pc arrived at werk.. at long last..!

10th: comm skill course at werk.. had so much fun.. *sMiLeZ*

12th: faiZaL's 24th b'day.. had a small celebration, nuthin fancy though.. juz spent the whole day by ourselves, watchin VCDs, eatin pizza & caught up with the tym dat we lost (whole wk to be precise.. *SiGh*)

14th: PAY DAY BABY..! hehe..~

16th: HARRY POTTER PROMOTION. after a day of stupid enquiries abt the HP books, went clubbin @ Cheeky's with RoZi, iDaDi, Ju & iZan.. made new frens with a bunch of arab guys.. one of 'em; khalid, really cute, 20 yrs old, 2nd yr Mecha Engg student @ SP.. juz frens.. dun weri.. *WiNkZ*

17th: went to Hyatt, JB to celebrate MuM, MaMa, Kak LiaNa & Khair's b'days.. wuz njoyin myself until it got to the shoppin part.. damm.. wrong shoes again.. got hm at abt 11+ & fell aslp as soon as my body landed on the bed..!

aYuL got a laptop fr BaBa.. in fact dis entry is done fr the laptop.. hehehe~ we also made new glasses.. no more contact lens for me for the tym being.. myn's red LEVI'S full frame & aYuL's is blue LEVI'S half-frame. did sum shoppin for new tops as well.. wanted to get pants or skirt but always ended up gettin tops.. hehehe~

PS: i miss my long-distance fren.. promise i will call u as soon as i find the tym.. mish u StEviE..!

wont say goodbye tho..


& there he goes.. off to canada.. it's not the end though.. we shall see each other again.. i noe we will.. hear fr u soon stevie..

here i am, sittin at home, in front of the pc feelin drowsy & nursin a fever.. it has been 2 1/2 days already.. temperature's gradually droppin.. it reached a high of 39.2 degrees on wednesday nyt till thursday afternoon.. well, got 2 days off fr werk.. missed trainin sessions bcuz of my fever but they already have a replacement now.. i'm terribly sorry gerls.. mayb i missed my BaBy toO much.. or mayb i had too much on my mind lately.. i'll stick wit the first one..

speakin of which, i tink my BaBy's lost some weight.. he luks smaller than usual.. hope he's eatin ryt.. he told me he's only eatin once a day now.. must try to see him more often.. i am gettin worried for him.. hhmmm...

dreading..


24TH JUNE 2005--why?

ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER..
trust these words.. they can save u from misery.. it's true..! i've nvr been apart fr my BaBy for dis long before.. fortunately for me it's juz a week.. any longer & it will drive me crazy.. bought a matchin cloth for him to make his baju kurung for dis year's raya.. we're wearin green..! eat dat, WiYaH..! khehehe~ got some other colours as well [includin a royal blue lace wit silver lining & a cream songket] but tinkin of savin dem for 2006's raya.. wat say u?

the hse is gonna be renovated soon.. i'm gonna get new floorin, new bathrooms & most important of all, i'm gettin a new room.. ;) the long process of a month.. *SiGh* patience.. all's well by next mth..

aniwae, i've got a course on the 26th dis mth [or 10th july].. some Customer Service related stuff.. hehehe~ dat's xtra $100 for me..! it's fr 9am-4pm.. long hrs huh? but the money's good.. ;p will be back again soon..

family day


here's wat happened today:

1. got up at 6.30am [thank u RoZi baby..], got ready for werk by 7.25am, left the hse, met RoZi, reached werk at 7.57am, knocked off at 12.30pm.
-----
2. reached O'Briens at ard 1.25pm, waited for my sister to knock off at 3.32pm, met MuM & my BroTher there as well, left at 3.35pm for Capitol Building to settle his stuffs.
-----
3. fetched DaD at ard 4.30pm at Centrepoint, had lunch at ZamZam at abt 5.45pm , went shopping at Bugis till 8.25pm, headed for Forum.
-----
4. met Aim quite close to 9pm, walked down to Starbucks @ Somerset, went hm by 9.57pm.
-----

dat's thanks to the peaceful, most njoyable, lovely & long sleep dat i had the night before.. khehehe~ walkin does make one very tired it seems.. another mistake learnt: DO NOT WEAR WORKING SHOES IF U INTEND ON LONG WALKS & SHOPPING TRIPS..!

sumthin caught my eye as we were browsin for DaD's b'day-cum-Fathers' Day gifts at Centrepoint.. wont reveal it here yet though.. thought it would be a nice gift for my BaBy for his 24th b'day next mth.. although, it is still too early.. i can't wait to give it to him..! or mayb i'll juz give it to him the next tym i see my BaBy & get him another gift on the actual b'day itself.. *FICKLE!!* speakin of which, i miss my BaBy [again].. almost a week since i last saw him.. *SiGh* soOn.. pretty soOn..

untitled


already started on the REAL THING @ werk.. fortunately for me, my buddy wuz very, very helpful.. her name's Mastura but i juz call her Kak Mas for short.. FOR YOUR INFO, i'm not werkin @ any post office as most of u have assumed.. hehehe~ i'm doing Customer Service as in answerin of phonecalls from the public regarding Singapore Post's services.. get it now? so PLEASE people, i dun werk in a post office alright..?

had dinner wit stevie a few nyts ago @ cafe cartel.. look at what we had..!


SEAFOOD MADNESS!!

a platter for 3.. hehe~ managed to [almost] finish up the food & lucky for us, we skipped dessert.. khehehe~

speakin of food, my BaBy gave me a surprise by fetchin me fr werk one day & treated me to dinner @ Swensen's... dat wuz so sHweet of him..! it's one of those "once-in-a-while" kindda surprises that he tinks of sumtyms [lyk the tym he got me dis really pretty necklace with a very light brown stone pendant studded wit small diamonds..] luv u BaBy..! toO bad he doesn't read blogs.. doesn't really interest him.. headin for bed soOn..

madness..!


hey y'all..~ *sMiLeZ* went shoppin juz now wit MuM & aYuL.. bought a number of things today..! hehehe~ it wuz a last minute idea to go actually.. after i got hm fr BaBy's plc, aYuL wuz complainin dat her clothes are not enough for her attachment next mth, so we decided to go shoppin & dragged MuM along.. Oops..~ sorry MuM.. fortunately for us, citylink wuz havin dis Midnight Madness Sale so there were discounts everywhere.. very spoilt for choice..!

aniwae, no more duties for my BaBy..!~ yiPPiE..! so it's back to normal, regular shifts & i can get to see him as per normal.. *sMiLeZ* [again..] luv u BaBy!

will be startin werk @ 8am next wk.. *SiGh* but it's ok.. at least i get to knock off early, at 5pm.. cud catch up wit my tea drinkin @ Starbucks again if i'm not busy wit trainin @ bt batok.. geez.. only 2 more wks to the competition.. am i up for it? i dunno.. it's been a long tym..


here's what we got..

white top fr U2


turquoise top fr U2


red top fr U2


blue top fr U2


white checkered top fr GIORDANO


black blouse fr SPACE


black stripe pants fr ee:


brown pants fr ee:


shoes fr CHARLES & KEITH

why?


ARRGGHH..!! so sick & so tired..! it's not my fault if i missed him ryt? everynyt, w/o fail.. the last thing on my mind before i sleep.. honestly? i didn't slp the past 2 nyts, thinkin of him & wat i get in return? another argument..! i give up.. can't win any arguments with him.. no matter how hard i try.. king of arguements..

YET...
I still love my BaBy..
No matter how mean you are,
No matter how much you make me cringe,
No matter how much you hurt me..

Could never imagine
Going through the days without you,
The sleepless nights without you,
The stormy weathers you see me through,
The smiles you make when I'm blue..

Baby, I Love You..


BaBy & Me

bored on a sunday afternoon..


here i am, stuck at home with nuthin to do... mum & khair went out for sum jemputan, nurul's @ werk, & dad's outside watchin tv.. so much for family day.. hehehe~

aniwae, i gotta tell the truth.. it's really embarrasin but sumhow i have to let it out.. well, actually, on the 1st n 2nd day on the job, i kindda doze off in the middle of the trainin.. hehe~ lyk i've said earlier on, it wuz borin!! managed to grab tea/coffee at intervals of the trainin & stole some sweets fr my new frens juz to keep me awake.. thank goodness the sleepiness & boredom wore off on the subsequent days.. hehe~ terrible..!

aniwae, waitin for iDaDi to reach my plc.. slackin wit her today..

still missin my BaBy.. *SiGh*.. later..

I MISS U..


my baby.. :( i miss him.. it's only like 2 1/2 days..! wonder what he's doing now?

werk's so far so good.. more relaxed than O'Briens but the theory that i had to go thru is toO much..! my brain's cramped with mailing info [that includes freight, air parcels, courier services etc..] & customer service etiquettes.. sheesh.. it's lyk back-to-school for me.. dressin to werk is lyk dressin to poly only i have to be more "professional lukin" [& i wonder wat the diff is for me.. hehehe~]

i shall leave now but i'll be back again.. later..

finally..! yiPPiE..!


i got my NOKIA 7610 at last..! it's black though but i'll find the white housing somehow.. ;) i just had to buy it.. bought on impulse..*SiGh* but it's now or never.. hehehe~

HAPPY 5TH MONTHSARY TO MY BABY.. woah.. 5 months of ups & downs.. [more downs though..] i take dat as a positive critism actually.. werk on the plcs dat i've been ignorant in & try to make dis relationship really werk..

training at the new werkplc wuz really wearin me off.. in terms of boringness dat is.. i kept dozin off in the middle of "lessons" & dat's really not gd.. hhmm... not to worry, a few more days to go till i'm done wit the theory part & we'll start the new week wit the 'buddy-ing' part..

*SiGh* countin down the days till the guys leave for Cananda.. :(

yester-months..


it's my last day today @ O'Briens.. *SiGh* gonna miss the crazy people there.. MuMmY evelyn, sWeeT NiCky, spEaKeR RaSuL, bLur iKa, obscene ZuL.. my second family.. my place of solace weneva my FaiZaL werks the night shift.. gonna miss my regulars too.. danny boy, patrick, charles, shawn, connie, LYS, stevie & gang, my cute 'portugese-french' ham & cheese guy, my 'small white coffee' lady [& those i might have not mentioned.. hehehe~].. almost a year werkin there, so many gd & bad memories..

im gonna miss FaiZaL toO.. he'll be very bz for 2 wks.. stupid convention goin on at shangri-la & he has to be on duty.. hope he eats right & gets lotsa rests.. wouldn't wanna meet him 2 wks later to find out he's down to skin & bones [although he's really DASHING & looks DAMM DELICIOUS wen he's lean..]..

the smiles & laughters of yesterdays
friendships & family created
lingering memories of hapiness..

the tidal waves of emotions
affecting tsunami mood swings
depriving moments of lonliness..
imperfect as are human
overshadowed by kindness showered upon

i say thank you now
to those whom i shall miss
dearly loved..

disappointed


its payday today & i thought of getting the Nokia 7610 but alas.. some trouble with the Nokia 6260 that i bought from rashad.. sheesh.. broken dreams.. :( it is hard sellin off that phone bcuz of the condition it's in & the age of the phone... try harder, ida.. bcuz of that, me & FaiZaL kindda got mad at each other.. i hated him & he hated my guts.. didn't really talk from far east plaza until the point where we already reached bedok..

wuz very hungry [the both of us] so decided to drop by @ lucky plaza to eat at the top-most level foodcourt before we headed off to get the N7610 & juz as we reached the outside lift, i saw Pizza Hut & i practically dragged him into the restaurant... spent almost $60 on food itself! talk abt savings my dear!

i'm very disappointed.. no beautiful white Nokia 7610.. *sob**sob*

thoughts


amidst the clouds of grey sorrows,
lingers the smell of sweet caress
The hopes of smiling tomorrows,
a gift that none can surpass

"promises meant to be broken,
dreams sought to be shattered"

how does one live to face this?
a human nature that has no answer
for the hurt is hard to miss
yet it doesn't seem to matter..

you're my inspiration


lost the light of inspiration
slowly gave up the passion
broken-hearted, distracted
walk through life emaciated

ups & downs, happy & sad
unknown to you, inspirator..

as the mind wanders into land of imagination,
the heart found its way to reality..
thoughts of happiness,
feeling of encouragement,
the pen is lifted..

with passion, the pen dances
with stories of love,
tales of woes,
tears of joy,
cries of weakness...

u came back, inspirator..

new job..

guess what? i got the job @ SingPost thanx to my beloved best friend, iDaDi... luv u babe.. i'll b startin werk [hopefully] on the 2nd of june..

my pc & net's back up so i'll be in more often.. hehehehe~ good for me.. thought i've lost touch wit the cyber world forever..!

nuthin much to update though so i'll be back soon..

post-mothers' day dinner with special guest, TAUFIK BATISAH.. [hmm...]

mothers' day... wasn't dat due lask wk? aniwae, aBg invited us one family along wit the rest of my aunts & 1 uncle for dinner @ hyatt hotel.. shockin it seems cuz BaBa asked FaiZaL along... thank goodness he wuz ok wit the fact dat my relatives were gonna b there... had a great tym enjoyin the buffet spread & gettin teased fr my relatives [inclusive of aBg.. *sigh*].. well, talk later... tuckin in now...

at long last... a [late] promotion...

hey guys... juz found out 2day dat i got promoted to a TRAINEE SUPERVISOR... wow.. took them so long to fulfil their promise? well, better late then nvr...

birthday party turned disaster...

a happy 22nd birthday 2 me.. hehe~ [thick-skinned!] for the first tym, my FaiZaL celebratin my birthday with the family... hilarious but disasterous at the same tym..! got on the wrong note sumwhere.. dat's between MuM & FaiZaL baby.. long story cut short, MuM started the conversation with him by askin when he intends to propose to me! RIDICULOUS!!! surprisingly, BaBa & FaiZaL got along really well [must be the Cancerian-bond or sumthin...]

was so glad it wuz over after dinner.. felt dat MuM gave him a bad impression but had a talk wit my parents juz now & it seems lyk they are oOK abt us.. thank God..

aniwae, they got me dis Guy Laroche wallet & keypouch set & a VERY CUDDLY Winnie the Pooh bear..! thanx guys.. Luv u all..

angel baby

9 weeks, 3 days,
the only time you lived Baby...
i hate to let you go
but it's not time for you yet...
as sad as i am, i LOVE you lots
& so does Papa...
forgive me for not welcoming you dear
forgive Papa too for his negligance...
the whole time i had you, you've been good, Baby...
no fuss, no ailment, no trouble...
a God-sent that we can't have
it's a shame...
we love you, Baby...
[dedicated to 'an angel' unseen.. God bless it's soul in Heaven]

change of plans...


didn't go to KL.. the guys couldn't agree on certain things like where to go, when to leave for S'pore etc..etc.. i juz went wit the flow so wen FaiZal called the whole thing off, i juz had to agree.. instead, FaiZal, me, SaLikiN & his gerl, iKa went to SenTosa (again..) for an overnyt trip.. sunburn on my shoulders & my nose.. damm..

i myt be quittin my job @ O'Briens.. i'm beginnin to hate it there.. hate the crowds, hate the customers (not all though..), hate the management... i hate feelin tired everyday after werk.. got a recommendation fr iDaDi @ her werkplc.. hope i can juz leave soon.. *SiGh*

a life in form
as small as can be
tossin & turnin
uncomfortable it seems..

i'll write in soon... once i have the free tym.. btw, i'm goin for a small operation tmr (19th april 2005)... pray for me frens..

troubled..?


in deep shit.. it's really not my fault.. REALLY! i didn't ask dat 17 year old boy to fall head over heels wit me..! i'm absolutely innocent.. :( rashad.. rashad.. *HaIz* juz wished my pc wuz ok. it's damm troublesome for me to login from net cafes you noe..

so far so good.. still in luv wit my FaiZaL.. erm.. the sYeD one... hehehe~ he's kindda strict abt some stuffs but on the whole, dat's a good thing. he doesn't encourage me to smoke. in fact, weneva i do, he always has dis really fierce, "don't-push-it" look.. dat's enuff to make me put out my fag.. hehehe~ he doesn't encourage clubbin & drinkin too.. GoSh.. i've a good life boy!

juz healed a rift between me & BB.. after more den a month later, we finally found tym to sit down and we talked about differences.. turns out, she wuz pissed dat i wuzn't spendin time wit her as we usually do.. damm i missed her.. :( always on the opposite shift from her.. how? but now everythin's resolved & back to usual for us.. in fact, she's here wit me now.. hehe~ be back soon.. ;)

HAPPY 21ST TO MY s|zziE..~

it's dinnertime @ prego yesterday..! The contigent consisted of BB, faz, MuMMy, aShaD, aYanG, me, BB's godsister n her fiance.. WoaH..! the bill came up to $356.07..! but it's ok.. once in a while we pamper ourselves to EXPENSIVE food.. khehehe.. ;) aShaD said i luked lovely & sHweeT..! hahahahaha..! & aYanG wuz wearin a shirt sey..

called s|zzie on the dot @ midnyt juz now.. it's her 21st burfdae..!!

well, had a great tym yesterday.. really njoyed myself.. mum & dad were cool abt my comin home late.. before i left, instead of the normal "jangan balik lambat eh..", mum said "malam ni balik eh.." so unlyk them..

silver linin'...

it's funny how sumthin special cud haf developed between us.. i barely noe him & vice versa yet the understandin between us is there.. i noe it's still early to really tell but [ONCE AGAIN] i tink i'm in love again.. initially i wuz afraid it might turn out to a rebound as it usually does but as day passes, this cute, chubby, lovable guy never fails to make my day..