burn

damm i hate my hair colour now... stupid jay... ask to do sumthin simple & he "burnt" the colour of my hair... FUCKIN SHIT! seems dat SunShine really doesn't lyk it... watever...

i hate it wen people go thru my things without tellin me...
i hate it wen people call me a liar wen i'm not...
i hate it wen people pretend to trust me wen they don't...
i hate it wen people make me feel guilty for sumthin i didn't do...
I HATE U...!

if i ain't got you...

dilemma... it suX... been dreamy lately... *HaiZ*

irene's [my manager] quittin, reggie's [my supervisor] gonna transfer to another outlet, BeE's [my colleague] quittin also & jay's [my next-block-neighbour cum colleague also] leavin for NS soon... hu's left?

aniwae, we didn't get thru to Perdana finals but dat's not the end of the world, well not for my world... in my opinion, we did a great set as compared to saringan but me & iDaDi have decided to "retire" from the dikir world... personally, it wuz great to be able to play my last competition in the same group wit her... sumthin which i've always wanted... never got to play alongside wit her as awok2 before since yr 2000..!

shockin news for me... met a good old fren hu i've lost contact wit 6 yrs ago @ the competition... & to tink dat dis fren still remembers me after all these yrs... told me my luks haven't change at all [well, except for the fact dat i'm no longer the chubby gerl dis fren once knew...] had eye contact a lot of tyms at different occasions but never really had the chance to come up & say hi to me... *HaiZ*

but..! the important thing here is... i'm missin all my frens...

"Some people want it all
But i don't want nuthin at all
If it ain't u baby
If i ain't got u baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some juz want everythin
Everythin means nuthin
If i ain't got u..."

*if only i cud get aBg fiQue to do dis song wit me... i wish...

you don't miss your water 'til the well runs dry...

wit all the news abt death lately, i'm gettin all worried abt my family, my SunShine, my Singles_Out & all of my other frens out there... what will i do if one day any one of them were to leave? i dun wanna tink abt it ryt now...

tmr RaJa & ZaLi's treatin us [as in me & SunShine, irene & guy, ain & azmi] dinner... no particular occassion, juz a simple dinner treat...

aniwae, now i noe why my dearest darlin MiChaeL hasn't been turnin up at o'briens lately..! he wuz off to australia last week & he even had a haircut..! he luks so much cuter now..! khehehe~ gosh..! i'm obssesed wit my favourite customer... dun mind me SunShine... you're still my favourite boy... *WiNkZ!*

MuM's 45th birthday

left early from werk today cuz we're havin dinner @ piZZa HuT at MuM's request... she wanted to try the tortilla thingy & since it's her birthday tomorrow, we decided to haf an early birthday dinner... gave her present [the crystal vase] yesterday & i kindda loved the way she smiled wen she opened up the present... haven't seen her smile lyk dat for a long tym... tomorrow, she's gonna get her birthday cake & i juz realized dat her birthday dis yr is so much better compared to the past years... guessed the guilty conscience of not buyin her presents for the past years juz got lifted there khehehe~

yesterday went jewellery shoppin wit MuM & aYuL..! khehehe~ got myself a new ring, a new bracelet & a pair of new earring... speakin of early prep for my cousin's weddin! gosh how tym really flies... one moment she's my 'still-single & always-there-for-me' cousin & the next moment she's someone else's wife... it's gonna be so different...

btw, congrats to SunShine on his recent promotion to supervisor... :)

thousand apologies...


sorry guys.. pc havin fever again khehehe~ anyway, have been bz lately too... haven't had enuf rest fr werk but i won't be complainin if i wanna promotion ryt? *WiNkZ* too bad my entry's a short one today but i'll try my very best to fill 'em up soon aight?

SunShine

gosh... tym does pass really fast... [i'm not totally over the s'pore idol shit though...] well, it's gonna be my last day of werk dis friday & on monday, i'll be back @ o'briens [millenia walk..! khehehe~]

last sat wuz SingleS_OuT NyT!! me & a'Ne rushed from trainin & met up wit e-BoO & s|z @ city hall for dinner & we chilled until i dunno... i forgot the tym... thanx BoO for the gift & thanx s|z for the bag...

went to hrc wit SunShine, a'Ne & iDaDi last sunday... didn't really have a blast but quite njoyed myself in the arms of SunShine once again... aniwae, Sutera Srikandi, as we are called, made it thru to the semis happenin dis 1st aug but i really dun tink we actually deserve to but i tink we're juz plain lucky... i'm not tryin to say i'm dat great but i've played wit better group lyk NYP & not to mention "THE group"... but hey, it's been a great comeback for me after 4 years of so-called "rest" from playin awok²... honestly, i forgot wat i wanted to say now but i'll b back later i guess...

SingleS_OuT NyT...

lyin beside you...

wat a sad endin to the most "luk-foward-to" day... unfortunately guys, i didn't make it to the 2nd auditions of the s'pore idol thingy... *SiGh*

me & SunShine reached suntec at ard 11+ & we joined the queue... saw NaD, aBg taufiQue & ard 11.45 aBg MuS came & joined "fiQue & gang"... we made frens wit jerry, aisyah, farhana, diana, azri & cynthia... lazed ard cuz we cudn't slp & at ard 3+ it started to rain freakin heavily..! all of us were soaked to the max..! even in my sweater, i wuz soaked to the skin... *HaIz* aniwae, i managed to go back home to change into dry clothes & lucky 4 me, aisyah spotted me & pulled me into her queue...

after we registered, we were divided into groups of 5's & soon proceeded to the audition room... i swear to u i wuz really calm & spontaneous! i managed to pull of my piece without any glitch or tremble in my voice but sadly in the results room, both me & aisyah were voted out... wat a way to end our day!!

i wanna thank my SunShine hu stood by me in the pourin rain & even waited for me throughout the whole procedure... & also my frens hu supported me morally... now i noe myself... i ain't dat good...

where is da love..?

supposedly i wuz to go watch Black Eye Peas perform last tuesday wit asiLah & iDaDi but turned out asilah's fren bubbLe & didn't turn up wit the tiX... really wuz sad & disappointed... hung out wit dem instead & well, dat cheered me up a little cuz i haven't been spendin tym wit iDaDi lately...

manisah [SRW] msged regardin the perdana comp & asked iDaDi & me if we're interested to join back wit the old team to perform & wud i say no? *SmiLeZ*

haven't been havin the greatest tym of my life lately cuz of some misunderstandings & miscommunications wit some people... won't wanna mention names though...

on the bright side, pay day's on the 5th & so is the s'pore idol audition... lukin foward to dat... pray for me frens...!

asiLah, mE & iDaDi...

my apologies...

it's been a few days since i last wrote in my entry... been really busy lately & mostly it's got to do wit werk... everyday has never been easy for me... faced wit new things everyday... *SiGh* so tirin....

aYuNe's in korea now... missin her already... went out wit s|z yesterday [as in wednesday]... accompanied her to town for a while after which i went off to skul for dikir... i haven't been dressin up much lately & i kindda miss dat... nowadays, u can catch me in a black polo-tee & jeans... i think those guys werkin at t.merah & t.pagar mrt must haf recognise me by now... khehehehe~ can't wait till 5th june arrives... it's my payday, The Singapore Idol Auditions & my 6th Monthsary...! WoW! hope things will turn out ok for me soon...

jealousy

*SiGh* my cousin's engaged & she's gettin married in jan '05... :( & she's only 20... damm jealous of her... since young i tot i'd b the one dat wud b married 1st instead of her but guess dis is wat we call fate... on the other hand, i'm really happy for her cuz she's really lyk a sister to me cuz she's the only child & we shared our childhood together juz lyk any other real sisters... made her promise dat i'll b her bridesmaid on her weddin... khehehe~ dat'll make up for my jealousy... :p at least i'd b able to b on the same bridal dias wit her on her big day...

got to noe abt the Singapore Idol applications & guess wat..? nah... no need for guesses... i'm gonna register for it... well, for the fun of it i guess... it'll b a so-called "test" for me to see how i actually fare & also a way to help me get over my stage-fright phobia... khehehe~

mornin...

haven't been sleepin... so tot i'd juz pop in & say gd mornin to u guys... actually i gotta werk later @ 11 but wat the heck... it's friday for goodness' sake... mayb me & SunShine gonna mit zuL later... kindda miss my brO... wonder how's he been @ police academy the last 2½ days... khehehehe~ actually i'm juz cheerin myself up... *SiGh* am i dat bad-tempered? u decide for me...can?

happy [30 min late] burfdae to me...

phew... i'm 21..? already? khehehe~ aniwae, a BIG THANK U to the peeps hu called / msged me wit ur b'dae msgs... really, really appreciate dem... *SmiLeS* wOw...! didn't noe dat many peeps remembered 2604... khehehe~ no offence guys...

well, wat a way to kick off my b'dae... it wuz my 1st day at werk [again] & thank goodness those people didn't give me such a hard tym... after werk, met SunShine, went for dinner & after dat, a quiet rendezvous... thanx for the gift, hunney... i really love 'em... *MuakZ!*

aBg zul called me..! wished me happy b'dae... so sHweet of him... haven't seen him for a really long tym... gosh! i really haf to introduce him to SunShine one of these days... i noe they'll hit off very well... khehehehe~ aight guys... tym 4 me to take my leave now... gotta werk tmr... buenos noches everyone...

SORRY
Just as the Sun was to shine again
Just as the rainbow was to appear
A mistake I made has now caused the pain
Thorough sadness now glooms with fear
A fear that is not of profound guilty
But of the thought of being left again
I'm now all drowned in self-pity
Like a flower in a flood of rain
Uttering apologies, on my knees I pray
For your forgiveness is all I need
If no is your answer, I'll be on my way
& I know I need not anymore plead...

can i?

i'm not in the right state of mind now... i really dunno wat's happenin to me... i wanna run away from all this...! run away from all the things that make my mind overloaded...! i tink wat i nid is a LONG, LONG vacation... sumwhere where people can't find me... where i can b alone; b by myself... the word JOBLESS kips hauntin me & i'm really scared... even SunShine can't help me in dis... if i had loads of money, i'd b havin my manic depression now... come to think abt it, i am sufferin from manic depression now but there's nuthin i can do abt dat, can i? i can't eat ryt, slp ryt or even tink ryt...

can i run away...?

step into the real world & you shall see
the painful truth that is as true as could be
one that is kept unknown for as long as time can seal
only when the right time, the truth shall be revealed...

el sentimiento miserable

tot april wud b a glorious mth for me... i'd b turnin 21 soon, tot of splurging my pay [i'm talkin abt REAL SPENDIN here!] on myself for my birthday but things juz had to turn nasty... everyday, wakin up is a torture... havin to let the reality sink in abt being jobless really hurts... there goes my hope to study...

money's runnin out fast... i've been in depression-mode all week long eversince i stepped-out of the fuckin shop down at robinson rd... i'm really sorry to all those hu were unfortunate to have crossed my unglamourous temper especially to my SunShine hu goes thru it everyday... but thanx for being there for me... really appreciate the tot... thank God ur still here or i myt be tearin my hair out ryt at dis moment...

got to go... haf somemore depression stuffs to tink abt... pray hard i won't b bald the next tym any of u c me... adios guys...

desolation

the shittest thing happened to me again... dat bastard edwin dismissed me from o'briens... i dun wish to go into details abt y he did it cuz it's all pointless... i'm jobless again & i'm left wit abt $300 to last me until God noes wen, i have 3 bills to settle & i can't tink straight...!

stupid...

supposedly a happy 4th monthsary to SunShine... as i'm writin this, i'm havin a bad stomache... damm it... i juz put down the phone wit SunShine & i'm pretty mad abt it... mayb i'm bein unreasonable, mayb i'm juz plain selfish but i wanna talk to u... not chat abt how lovely this shoe luks or how nice dat cap wud luk on me... it's bad enuf dat my stomach givin me problem & i can't find my gallaz origin shoes... ahhhh... nvm... shit... can't blame u for dat, too sleepy huh from the night b4? well... boys night out to hardrock right? forget it... gonna haf my medicine & i tink i'm off to sleep...

tanned

my whole body's achin... went to sentosa wit SunShine & zuL yesterday... reached palawan beach ard 11am, had breakfast & took a short swim after... then i laid on the sand from 12.30 in the afternoon till abt 2pm then had lunch & continued swimmin wit SunShine & zuL... felt thirsty so went up to the shore, had a drink & continued tannin until abt 4 & then went swimmin again for the last tym & after which we showered & left... now im blazin all over... *SiGh* but hey... at least i get to spend tym wit SunShine :)