the Sunday trip


yesterday went to Johor with MuM, MaMa, UncLe & the 2 rascals.. khehe.. had lunch at Aska the Japanese restaurant @ Hyatt Regency.. Japanese food is really a stranger to me.. i had a rough idea of what to have but it totally was not of any use to me.. MuM & me, we had garlic rice with chicken, mackerel, beef & soft tofu, egg & mushroom.. YUCK i tell you..! the meat was sweet, the egg was half cooked & the mackerel was bone-ful..! it's not somethin i'd like for lunch.. well, next we went to the sushi bar & picked out some sushi munchies.. oh gosh.. i almost ate the one with the roe but the sushi's not so bad except it left this raw taste in my mouth.. i was squirmin in my seat every time i bit into the raw meat.. hehe~ then i headed straight for the mini desert.. i grabbed a slice of chocolate fudge cake, some eclairs & the chocolate tarts.. MuM had the honeydew pudding, strawberry jelly & cheese slice.. yummy..!

after all that, MaMa, UncLe & the 2 rascals joined us from their lunch at the coffeehouse.. we ordered the real DESERT.. The Tutty Fruity a.k.a The Devil in Disguise..! khehehe~ it's a 30-40 cm tall glass with multiple scoops of ice-cream with strawberries & papaya cubes in it..! just think of Swensen's Earthquake.. that's how large it was..! now THAT is YUMMY..!



after all that, my mothers decided to go to Angsana & we spent a lot of time there walkin around & they bought some stuffs.. next stop was this shoppin centre that i've forgotten the name.. we went to this shop that sold frames, mirrors & decoration stuffs.. They bought more stuffs there & then we went to this boutique just 3 shops away.. the 1st rascal & i bought a pretty cute top.. well, it's more like a jacket/blazer.. don't really know what to call it..

got home quite close to midnight.. imagine..! from 8am all the way until 12mn..! crazy..! & so that was how i spent my sunday..

grandma..


i was just talkin to her last tuesday & now she's really ill.. down with food poisonin.. imagine being waken up at 8 in the mornin with the news of your one & only grandma being really sick..? how does that make you feel? i really hope she gets better.. i've got no other grandparents besides her & she's such a darlin.. well, most grandparents are, aren't they..?

so here i am by myself & the 2 rascals, who are literally never at home, which technically makes me all alone at home.. no worries.. all the skills i've learnt & picked up while being in this state of limited mobility will not go to waste... hehehe~ i can move around by myself.. get food & stuff.. watch tv.. washroom.. those i can do.. NO PROBLEM..!

i was surprised.. you remembered that small detail in our conversation & we spoke of that like a week ago.. nobody would remember a thing like that.. that's how sweet & thoughtful you are.. take care, good luck for the tournament & yes, i will miss you over the weekend.. thank you also for listenin to me last night.. i really appreciate that..

shocked..!


guess who msged me yesterday? khehehe~ it was FaiZaL [sYeD].. sad but true.. oh well.. he asked the usual "how are you?", "what are you doin?" kind of questions.. nothin special.. thanks for being thoughtful though..

18 days to checkup.. WooHoo..! really can't wait..

MaMa is goin to bring us out this sunday.. another chance at breathin in the outside air again.. well, not that there is any much difference but it's good to go out sometimes.. i feel like window shoppin while out but i don't know.. i've lost touch with the so-called "trend" nowadays.. khehehe..

anyway, i fear that i might end up single for a long, long time.. i'm not really enjoyin it & by 'it' i mean singlehood.. how long has it been? let me see.. erm.. WoW..! 9 freakin months..! that's a record for me.. khehehe~ i miss havin someone who i can share my days, my woes & my joys with but i guess that has got to wait.. who would want me right now anyway..? i mean, a girl in a body cast & rides in a wheelchair? jeez.. get real..! so, there you go.. me & my blabbin again..

you think i'm cute..
you think i'm a little crazy..
you think i'm brave..
you say i'm beautiful..

all i can say to you is that you are all the above, not me.. you have made an impact in my life.. somehow, you did.. i never get tired of our conversations no matter how difficult it could be for us [sometimes] to understand.. i wish to wake up now but you keep holdin me back.. i want to snap back to the real world.. i can try to make the impossible happen but what if it doesn't..? there will be a risk involved here & i'm talkin about broken hearts, my dear..

again, i count down..


21 more days to my next check up..! i really can't wait.. this time i'm confident that the cast will be removed & hopefully i don't have to use the wheelchair anymore.. i know i'm able to walk pretty soon.. then i can go back to school, get a job, save up & go for a long holiday to a far away place.. just FYI, i'm not walkin yet.. still in wheechair..

maybe iDaDi's comin over this saturday.. so many things that we might need to go over together.. i'll try to help in whatever way possible, my dear..

we won't be hearin from each other for the next 2 days but it's ok.. i have other things to do too.. just hope that you don't overwork yourself & btw, about the soccer match this comin weekend, gd luck to you..! i'm sure you will win the match this time round... *WiNkZ*

Happy Mothers' Day


to all mothers everywhere.. to all mothers i know.. i LOVE you ladies..

i hate it when the weekend comes.. it just means i have to live through 2 quiet nights.. quiet nights are good actually but it gives me this anxiety problem especially on sunday.. can't wait for monday to come..! not that it's so far away.. hehehe~ it's tomorrow..!

anyway, yes i have changed my background music yet again.. far away.. that's where you are..

Laila Isabella


yes.. it did bring back memories.. i do like Laila Isabella but it just reminds me so much of aZMaN & it doesn't help that Rosyam Nor's character's name was "AzaM".. all the fun & crazy times we spent.. how we actually managed to even broach the topic of likin each other.. hehe~ that was funny.. how we so-called "accidentally" held each others hand but because we were "pretendin" we were celebratin valentines' day, it was considered ok.. oh those memories..!

BUT it's ok.. *WiNkZ* i shall sleep over it.. someone else has been busy occupyin my mind anyway so i'm sure i'm goin to be ok just that i need to stop floatin & do a reality check at some point soon.. hehe~ i'm goin to miss you today..

you got me there, baby..


i can't wait.. khehehe~ i think i will have to start a countdown for you then but it won't start anytime from now.. that'll take too long.. probably when i start my school term.. how about that?

anyway, i wrote a long letter to you & about you.. i'm not one who will verbally say it so i penned it down.. i wonder if you will ever get to read it.. some of my friends say that i'm crazy but sadly, i have to agree with them because you have driven me nuts..! why? i really don't know.. if i had the answer, i'd probably be with you now.. oh well..

Laila Isabella is showing later at 9:30.. i don't know if i should watch it.. it'll bring back memories of aZMaN & me.. not that it's goin to make me weep or anythin but some memories are best left forgotten.. the similarities in the story are really impeccable.. well, minus the part where Nasha Aziz finds out that Rosyam Nor is a rich fella.. this is the closest movie that one can watch if you want to know how our friendship was like..

hhmmm..


i think i love you. period.

erm.. help?


i don't know.. i feel like as if my privacy has been invaded & my movements are being watched.. I WANT MY BREATHIN SPACE..! even my parents don't do these to me.. jeez..!

you made me smile again yesterday.. i'm sorry i wasn't able to prolong our chat but let it be known that the few minutes that we spent means a lot to me.. till next time, my dear one..

just got news, 21st is the Perdana Semis.. still waitin for aZiLaH's reply..

smile..


you never fail to make me smile..

i kindda woke up at 3-ish just now & thought i'd have a glass of water & head back to bed but i just had this naggin feelin that i had to log in.. you were there..! & yes, i missed you too..! it was so sweet of you to hold on, with the assumption that i will be online at some point, although we both know that it's impossible to know when either of us will be online.. you don't know how much it meant to me when you acknowledged my presence.. you are the GREATEST..! i'm sure by now you do know that you are.. *sMiLe* please tell me it's not a dream because you're too good to be true & if it really is a dream, i don't want to wake up from it..

stop it eh..


why must i feel jealous everytime someone mentions him? [& i'm not talkin abt the '10,491 kilometers-far-away' him] he's like my bloody freakin friend for goodness' sake..! i've always think of him as a friend but of late i've been filled with jealousy everytime i know he's being mentioned by other people.. WTF?? i've gotta overcome this crappiness..

got news abt my iDaDi & her future plan that's hauntin her right now.. *SiGh* like some people say, some things just don't happen as we plan them to be.. i'm really happy for you, my girl.. first is aZiLaH & then it's you.. guess i should be next in line huh? khehehe~ amongst the 3 of us, i'm the eldest & like we planned & forseen, i should be the one to go 1st but it seems like you girls are way ahead of me.. oh well.. what can one do..? i just hope whatever happens, we won't part again because i don't think i want to wait 2 to 6 years to see you girls again.. you girls are just too precious to lose..

too bad i'm not really ready for another relationship or i could have joined my girls.. khehehe.. call me fussy, call me fickle but there's no one right now who can actually make me feel on cloud 9 like how i used to & those who can are always the ones who are impossible to be with.. jeez.. what is SO BLOODY wrong with me? khehehe~

votin day..!


1st things 1st, just ignore my previous entry.. i think i was high on somethin.. either that or i was just in my usual insomnic state.. hehe~

anyway, yes people.. it's votin day..! i woke up at like 8am from my 7am sleep thanks to my dad who insisted on being one of the early birds.. jeez.. it was pretty easy & quick too [like duh!] & since there was no one else in queue, it took us about 2 minutes to cast our votes.. why can't they just let us vote by sms? save all the hassle of goin down from my house.. sheesh..

i managed to rekindle my friendships with a lot of my long-lost friends.. aZiLah, iDaDi, WaDy, AnDy, MaMaT, NoRa, HaFiDz & others more.. isn't that great..? well, there are certain people & things in life that we tend to overlook & take for granted & when we actually realise what is actually happenin, there's no harm in admittin our mistakes & try to make up for it.. just like i'm tryin to do now..

oh man..! ok, i'm gonna quit blabberin already.. i'm goin back to sleep now..

can't help it..


what is wrong with me?

why do i smile when you are around?
why are you on my mind before i sleep?
why do i melt when i look into your eyes?
why do i miss you when we part?

oh dear.. this cannot be happenin..! it's not possible..

wishful thinkin on my part i guess..

..i think i'm goin crazy

somewhere across the globe..


he's just so cute..! his smile, the way he speaks english.. really cute..! ahh.. wish he was here.. i shall make plans to go there.. that will be about 10,491 kilometers away.. wOah..!

PROGRESS PACKAGE..! it was in last friday & my sister went to collect my last pay from o'briens & in total i'm $1,000 richer.. hehehe~ guess i will stay rich until june or whenever i start walkin again.. can't wait to get my hands on the money..! a couple of things i might need to get.. gotta be careful that the $1,000 don't disappear in a day.. khehehe~ that will take a lot of resistance & refrainin.. i don't know if i can do that..!

well, i am a happier person now.. reachin out to friends that i've lost, i'm beginnin to fill up those really small patches in my heart.. how i've missed these people.. all those times we've lost, i don't know if i can make it up to you guys.. i miss one particular friend, who has managed to disappear again.. i've kind of put him out of my mind but my mum had to ask how he was doin & then i realised that i miss him & that we don't talk anymore.. in all seriousness, as a friend.. i wonder how he is doin right now.. he has my thoughts & prayers..

anyway, i've got plans lined up from june onwards & i'm lookin foward to my full recovery..! countin down.. 35 days to go before the next medical check-up..!

THANK YOU SO MUCH


first & foremost, a very big thank you to everyone who remembered my birthday.. also an extra big thank you to my beloved relatives & especially my very own family who took the time, effort & trouble to come over at such short notice for the supposedly 'surprise' birthday gatherin.. thank you to sTeVe who was also there to join my family for the gatherin.. *sMiLeZ*



i was really taken aback by the number of people who turned up.. i really, really appreciate it a lot.. this is goin to be one memorable birthday.. not only am i celebratin my birthday as a single for the 1st time, it is also the 1st [& only..!] time i'm celebratin in a cast..!

this year, half of my birthday wish came true.. my dearest, most beloved best girl friend came to visit.. gosh ..! you don't know how surprised, shocked & happy i was..! there i was, sittin in my room, tryin to accept the fact that iDaDi hates my guts & suddenly my mum came in & told me i had a guest.. huh? i wasn't expectin anyone but there she was..! standing right in front of me..! i've missed her so much..! I LOVE YOU, DI.. & i promise i won't hurt you again..



not only that, my best friend from secondary school, aZiLaH, whom i've lost contact with for 6 freakin years remembered my birthday too & we chatted for hours..! i've missed her too..! the girls that i love are back in my life & that's worth more than any gifts put together.. *MuAkZ..!*

i'm still yearnin for the other half of my wish but i guess it won't be granted.. oh well.. you can't get everythin you wish for.. pictures are up in the links section.. help yourself..

heaven knows..


guess what i did yesterday? I WENT OUT..! khehehe... & i literally mean leave my house..! it was pure heaven i tell you.. being cooped up in the house for 26 days, gettin the chance to leave the house was like spendin a day at the spa, great & refreshin.. a friend of mine took me out to watch a pementasan at a community centre, half an hours walk from my place.. met a couple of familiar faces there but didn't really get a chance to go up to them..

anyway, i did a survey of my own & i found out that most 20/21 year old girls & guys that i know of are thinkin way ahead of their age.. i mean their maturity level are different compared to the 20/21's a few years back.. i'm really amazed.. goes to show how much exposure & nuturin can actually make a person..

i've got to stop all these ludicrousness between me & younger guys.. seriously, it's gettin out of hand.. but i have to figure out how.. hhmmm..

oh yes.. gd luck to those takin part in the Perdana this year.. all the best guys..!

date check: 1 week


YES..! 1 more week to my check up & 8 more days to my 23rd..! khehehe~ i'm countin down as i do every year although i don't think it's much of a celebration this year.. maybe i could get brother FFiZ to sing me the "Go Shorty" birthday song that he sings to me every birthday.. well, almost.. khehehe~ anyone willin to celebrate with me..?

anyway, i bruised my knees & the bone in my right knee is just so distorted that it is protudin out from the cap.. ick..! not only are the knees bruised, they are kind of scraped too.. jeez.. i'm going to have ugly knees..!

good news i received yesterday.. my aBg dZuL & YaNNy are gettin engaged on the 18th of june this year.. congrats guys..! the product of my matchmakin.. oh the lovely couple.. how i envy them.. *SiGh* well, my time will come one day & hopefully it'll turn out as lovely & everlastin as theirs.. [dreamin of Beauty & the Beast..] khehehehe~

the phenomena of my 'Fatal Attraction' to younger guys struck me again of late.. again i ask.. "What's with me & younger guys..?" a question that will never stop hauntin me..

fact.. or just bluffin..?

Arena (known to self and others) adaptable, energetic, friendly, silly	Blind Spot (known only to others) accepting, caring, cheerful, complex, confident, dependable, dignified, extroverted, happy, independent, kind, knowledgeable, logical, loving, mature, modest, nervous, observant, responsive, searching, self-conscious, sensible, sentimental, spontaneous, trustworthy, warm, witty
Façade (known only to self) able	Unknown (known to nobody) bold, brave, calm, clever, giving, helpful, idealistic, ingenious, intelligent, introverted, organised, patient, powerful, proud, quiet, reflective, relaxed, religious, self-assertive, shy, sympathetic, tense, wise

Dominant Traits

54% of people think that iDaDeE is cheerful

All Percentages

able (0%) accepting (9%) adaptable (18%) bold (0%) brave (0%) calm (0%) caring (27%) cheerful (54%) clever (0%) complex (9%) confident (9%) dependable (27%) dignified (9%) energetic (9%) extroverted (18%) friendly (45%) giving (0%) happy (27%) helpful (0%) idealistic (0%) independent (18%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (0%) introverted (0%) kind (9%) knowledgeable (9%) logical (9%) loving (9%) mature (9%) modest (9%) nervous (9%) observant (9%) organised (0%) patient (0%) powerful (0%) proud (0%) quiet (0%) reflective (0%) relaxed (0%) religious (0%) responsive (9%) searching (18%) self-assertive (0%) self-conscious (9%) sensible (9%) sentimental (45%) shy (0%) silly (27%) spontaneous (36%) sympathetic (0%) tense (0%) trustworthy (9%) warm (9%) wise (0%) witty (18%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 16.4.2006, using data from 11 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view iDaDeE's full data.

yeap.. that's what my friends have got to say about me.. why don't you create one yourself & let friends tell you the personality traits that you never knew existed in you..? you can never know what they will come up with.. khehehe~

anyway, i've got a few books on pending that needs my attention.. been procrastinatin too much.. my attention has been diverted elsewhere i think.. khehe~ while friendships are being created & some, salvaged, the littlest details like the "abandoned" books were left untouched.. & so is my unruly hair & my overturned wadrobe & plans to clean out my drawers.. *SiGh* procrastination is not good..

the books
john grisham - the painted house
arthur golden - memoirs of a geisha
barbara vines - gallowglass
yann martell - life of pi [re-reading]
clayborne carson & kris shepard - a call to conscience
a. parody - a shite history of nearly everything

sympathy..?


i'm almost done with my write-up.. once done i'm going to let FiE read it 1st before "releasin" it..

anyway, i stumbled upon a friend's blog & i am very touched by what the person described me as.. for those who visited me, you probably noticed that i was in my cheerful mode right..? well, i didn't notice it actually.. i just realized that when i read that particular friend's blog.. in the 1st place, there nothin to be sad about.. it's not the end of the world & i'm not dyin or anythin.. to my friends who sympathize with me, thank you but i just want to say don't.. i don't need the sympathy because your thoughts & prayers will help me get better ok..? i'm sorry guys & i hope i didn't sound snobbish..

anyway, i got aDiBaH's b'day wrong... khehehe~ it's actually on the 14th.. silly me..! 12th was her mum's b'day.. oh well.. people make mistakes..

i've made plans for june/july.. i'm definitely lookin foward to my bintan trip, with or without company & i'm plannin to go tioman with FiE.. yes.. i heard it's cheap & maybe we shall go for a couple of days.. get away from the busy town life & chill out.. but i must remember not to get myself into this condition again or my plans will be ruined & postponed again.. hehehe~

countin down..


2 weeks & countin down.. the wait is such a torment.. ARGH..!! get this bloody cast off me..!! *SiGh* it gets lonely sometimes & it doesn't help that i feel secluded every single day.. like everyone's shunnin away from me or somethin.. hey.. i don't have a disease you know.. whatever.. what's the worse thing that can happen? oh right, i'm not celebrating my birthday.. jeez.. i forgot about that.. well, goodbye bintan.. i'll see you when i'm better i guess..

[me inside]: OH C'MON..! get a grip, girl..! it's just an additional year to your age..! it does not really matter..!

i guess it's right.. it's just another year.. no biggie.. hehehe~ i don't think anyone would actually remember it anyway.. *WiNkZ*

what's important now is that i have to get out of this freakin cast & back on my feet..! i know.. i know.. i've mentioned it a lot of times but it's just a reminder to myself that time waits for no one & i have a lot of things to accomplish & do.. it worries me a lot that i'm not startin school next term.. not to mention i have to go job huntin again once i'm able to walk.. oh & get rid of the HUGE MASS on my arms..! it's so big that my sleeves are tight & it's freakin uncomfortable..!

right now, i miss aZMaN so much.. missin him as a friend actually.. his presence always makes me smile & he knows how to make me forget about all the pain i'm in currently.. gosh.. i guess it's better this way.. for the both of us..

anyway, check out the quote link.. i change it everytime i add in a new entry.. enjoy people..

resurrect[ed]


so what do u think ey..? is the new blogskin nice..? took me 2 evenings to actually get everythin right.. PHEW..! personally, i love this skin out of all the ones that i've used before.. i don't know about you guys, but it kindda has a personal touch to it.. let me just break it down for you..

the picture:- it's my blog.. DUH..!
the song:- it's my favourite song & it's holds a special meanin in my life..
the vines:- the 'Chemical X' of the whole layout.. it gives a dark, sombre touch..
the marquee:- the only thing that moves around here..! reduces the static or stillness in the layout..

i love it..!

anyway, 18 more days to go before i go for my medical checkup.. hopefully the cast will be removed.. it really is a bothersome thing.. the swellin on both my feet's gradually goin down.. syukur alhamdullilah.. i don't think my hopes of walkin in a month's time is going to work out.. the ankles are still swelled up & they still hurt a lot.. oh well.. look on the brightside... at least i'm recoverin..

i'm dyin to get out into the sun..! i miss the beach.. i miss pushin through crowds & gettin pissed after.. i miss Cats In The Cradle.. i miss shop-hoppin for shoes.. *SiGh* i miss EVERYTHIN..!

mimpi..?


kau berdiri tegap dihadapanku..
mimpi-mimpiku nan lalu bagai dirialisasikan..
memberi erti kepada jasad ini,
yang kian lemah dinoda kasih,
dilanda duka..
kembalikan nikmat gembira yang ku ingini,
buat ku yang menagih kasih mu..

the hospital stay


yeah.. the hospital stay.. first things first, i fell off 2 flights of stairs & NO it WAS NOT A MOTORBIKE ACCIDENT.. jeez.. after fallin the 1st short flight, i tried to stand up & walk ALTHOUGH i knew my feet was already in pain.. as i tried to place my right foot on the 2nd long flight of stairs, i realized i couldn't feel my feet & tumbled all the way down.. now, being the stubborn me, i tried standin up again & i fell just as i got up so in the end, i had to crawl all the way to the drain to get my sandals.. after like abt 5 seconds, THEN i felt sharp pains in my heels & ankles..

i was swearin & cursin & makin a big scene at the A&E because of the stupid pain.. at the same time i was tryin to keep myself awake because i felt groggy & there was a sudden urge to close my eyes & just sleep.. well, the doctors & nurses weren't takin me seriously too when i told them i was in great pain so i had to grab their attention.. at long last, they did & sent me for x-rays & at the end of it all, one nurse told me i had to be warded.. damn it..

so, for 13 bloody days, i stayed in that bloody hospital, almost killed myself with boredom & hospital food..! now, i'm at home, still bored & at the verge of depression.. why..? because when i'm not doin anythin, some things come into my mind & i start ponderin abt them & some of these thoughts upset me.. guess 2006 is not such a bright year for me as i expected..

my swollen & bruised feet..

finally home..


yes.. after 13 [DREADFUL] days in the hospital, i'm finally home for good..! only God knows how much i hate being in this full body cast.. *SiGh* thank you to all my friends who took the time to visit me durin my stay in the hospital namely aZMaN, aDiBaH, aLeXiS, sTeVe, FeZZy dear, eFNi darlin, YaSin & the list goes on.. i swore i could die of boredom if i stayed another day there..!

a SPECIAL BIG thank you to aZMaN who came the moment he got the news that i was warded & stayed with me that fateful mornin until my family came & subsequently comin almost everyday, keepin me away from the hospital food, keepin me company until my bedtime.. the sweet thing.. well, he is another story..

too bad none of my girls were in s'pore.. oh well..

my studies crushed, my work affected.. darn it.. i'll talk about my hospital stay another time.. seriously, not in the mood for anythin especially when you can't move or do much of whatever.. some pictures.. enjoy..

figurin it out


yeah.. things look good on my side so far.. but i don't know what's got into me the last few days.. so full of angst..! the slightest of change just makes me wanna scream..!! thank you aZMaN for the company & emotional comfort you provided.. it was a burden, i know, eventhough you never say or show it.. anyway, changin jobs to cater to my school.. can't take the pressure at work.. almost gave up on school assignments but i had to do it with aZMaN's "help"..

please don't go back to the old you.. it's hard to be grounded again but you have to try harder.. you know i'll be here to help but don't do this to yourself again.. everythin is going well for you.. don't spoil it.. there are people who care [& that includes me..] please..

life is like a rollercoaster, full of ups & downs.. knowin you, the pessimistic person you are, please don't let the downs of life bring you down.. live life to the fullest & take everyday as it is.. "Practice What You Preach", my dear.. again, i'm here if you need someone..

i can't believe that i would be mentioned in a stranger's blog.. geez.. me? a "MALAYSIAN malay"?? what?? i'm not tryin to say that i'm VERY patriotic but i just can't accept it when someone changes my nationality so easily, just that like that.. ick..

leavin on a happy note, sayang kau..

patience is virtue..


wOOhOO..! although yesterday we had a brief meet-up, it was enjoyable all thanks to you girls.. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MAKIN YESTERDAY HAPPEN..!

s|z.. so sorry if aZMaN was givin you a hard time yesterday.. he meant no harm.. just fun & laughter.. [actually he couldn't take it that you said he looked like 'LURCH'.. hehehe~] thank you also to you for givin me the patience to not blow up in front of e-BoO.. yes i was frustrated at her but somehow indirectly, you gave me the vibe to just stop, think & give her another chance..

a'Ne.. you were beautiful.. don't worry about what that had happened.. it's just another phase i guess.. things are gonna be ok.. trust me.. oh yeah.. aZMaN calls you 'Cark Klie' now.. hehehe~ you should know why..!

e-BoO.. i was angry.. VERY angry.. but i tried to look at things in another point of view.. thank you for makin it to dinner at a short notice.. i really appreciate that.. i'm sorry for habourin angry thoughts & feelins towards you.. i don't now & i mean it.. btw, just for info, i called you a 'BISKUT' & aZMaN's stuck with that term for you.. ooopps.. just that you are like a biscuit.. sekejap ade, sekejap takde.. hehehe..

oh yes.. patience.. i knew you will change.. i knew we'll be together one day.. i waited & it is gonna pay off.. soon.. pretty soon.. no matter what happens, i'll be behind you..

SINGLES_OUT 3RD ANNIVERSARY

15


FeZZy - 15th Jan
FiE - 15th March
aZMaN - 15th Dec

the ONLY 3 guy friends who i treasure & love SO MUCH have the same birth date..! hahahaha..!

FeZZy, the unknown so far, is my much-loved sweetie friend [or in my term: my free-time friend.. don't get the wrong idea ah..! hehehe~].. we used to chill out together durin our poly days in our spare time [diff polys you see.. he's from SP..] & made each other laugh silly with our crazy antics..! no one can understand us because we're always misunderstood as datin partners maybe because how we joked around & address each other.. none of my friends know about him actually & i'm gonna just leave it as that.. just that we came in contact again recently thanks to eFNi BeBeH..! thank you..! miss my FeZZy so much..!

FiE, my pillar of support.. we're in an unofficial relationship & right now we're "together" for 3 years & 3 months already [inclusive of today's date..] hehehe... always there to lend me a shoulder to cry on, a pair of patient listenin ears & memorable dates.. i hurt you sometimes with things that i share with you without realisin it & i'm really sorry.. don't think i took you for granted because i didn't.. you know i still love you..

aZMaN i don't have to introduce.. tak payah lah aku repeat banyak-banyak kali.. kau tau kan.. kau cacat macam mana pun, pekak macam mana pun, biadap macam mana pun, tetap aku sayang kau tau.. the one guy who always brightens my day with or without his presence.. always in my thoughts & prayers wherever i go.. my motivation in all the things i do, be it work or school.. the sweetest giant of a man that i love so much..!

anyway, HAPPY 3RD ANNIVERSARY TO MY SinGLes_OuT GERLS..! 3 years, my dear girls.. i love you all..!

i can't wait to get away on my birthday..! hahaha..!~ only a handful of people know where i wanna go & with whom i'm going with for my short SIESTA [did i use the right word..?] & those who know, please don't leak out on the location.. i'm really excited about going..! i'm sure the place is as lovely like the pictures i've seen of the it..

i'm so full of LOVE tonight..!

happiness


it's funny how this one life works.. seems like there is always the unhappy aura surroundin it.. no matter how much this one tries to make her life change for happiness, it's bound to turn uneventful.. "What went wrong?" you may ask.. i ask myself that everytime too.. i will be lyin if i say that i have never experienced happiness. i did but it's like when you are struck with a headache & you try to ease it with aspirin [or whatever that helps for that matter] but they only provide a temporary relief.. it's endless i tell you..!

i've said it once [or twice] & i shall say it again.. "For once..! Let me just stay happy..! Is it so much to ask for?" really..! i only want HAPPINESS..

for now i'm contented that i still have my family, my job (not career though) & some of my friends who are willin to go through this phase with me.. one of these days, i'm going to die of a broken heart i tell you.. at the rate these guys are goin, breakin my heart, i'm going to die young [& beautiful too hopefully..] there's nothin i want more in this life, at this age, than happiness for my love life..

Once again i apologize to those guys i've hurt in the past.. i seriously have no intention whatsoever to play around with your feelings.. maybe this is what they call KARMA; 'What Goes Around, Comes Around'..

my answers? no answers..


s|zzy dear.. we shall meet up one of these days.. don't worry i won't tell aYuNe.. khehehe~

anyway, i've started workin @ O'Briens as some of you may already know.. i started on the 13th of Feb.. i'm just glad i have a job for now to help me tide things over.. i'm also happy that most things are fallin into places nicely for me.. like what aZMaN always say, 'give yourself a break.. you jolly well need it..' somehow i have to agree with him.. love you sweetie..

i'm still waitin for some pictures from aLeXis from last week Friday but for now here's some pics for the time being.. btw, i had to remove the 'stamp' pic of aZMaN.. apparently, he says it's for personal viewin.. khehehe..

what happened?


sorry been away... partly because was grounded by my BaBa.. khehehe~ as promised, i will try to give as much details as possible..

aZMaN's a very, very good friend of mine & we got to know each other a couple of years back.. if i'm not mistaken somewhere in 2001 or 2002.. he was always there to lend a listenin ear & a shoulder to cry on.. at one point, we were both attached & our companions were sceptical about our friendship so we drifted & disappeared.. 2 years later, we bumped into each other [& that was somewhere nearin the end on Jan] & took us 2 weeks to finally meet up to catch up on times.. that was the beginnin of a crazy, crazy week.. in fact, it is still crazy up till now..

we met, had dinner @ Cafe Iguana, couple of margaritas & he got me up the G-Max..! ahahaha..! the view was breathtakin from up there, suspended in that thing.. could see the S'pore River & some parts of Clake Quay.. wow..! you guys should try.. had coffee & witness a firework display.. we met up subsequently the next day for b'fast & he surprised me with 'Memoirs of a Geisha' [though i've already watched it..] the next few days, we met up for dinner & stuffs like that & we enjoy each & every moment of it..

i'm not a Valentine's Day person & never had celebrated Valentine's Day but 3 days ago, i discovered that aZMaN shares the same passion for poetry & arts like i do & we made plans to so-called celebrate the V-day via the unconventional way.. we went to the Singapore Philatelic Museum [FYI: it's a stamp museum] & then to The Substation for the 3rd SSFF [it's a short film thingy..]

why i say it still is crazy? well, eventhough we still hold the friendship that we had a couple of years ago, we kind of brought that to another level.. a higher level, that is.. we discovered each other's feelings ONLY of late.. but the thing is, we've being keepin it from each other for the past 2 years, fearin that it will ruin the friendship..

maybe it is worth going through all those crappy times.. havin him now in my life is like an answered prayer..

WooHoo..!


i had a crazy fun time yesterday.. i went for an interview at The Coffee Club & after the interview, i got the job.. details later.. i'm rushin for time.. went to O'Brien's to meet my friends & the kindda got me my old job back.. yes ar..!

the crazy fun time was with aZMaN.. like i said i'll detail later.. i just had to put it in my blog now before i forget.. later guys.. i'm off to school.. shit i'm late..!

menulis dalam bahasa ku..


jangan di tanya.. tiba-tiba jer terasa macam nak kena tulis dalam bahasa melayu.. mungkin berpunca [cey.. berpunca sey..!] dari blog teman-teman tertentu yang suka tulis blog mereka macam gini.. ini yang dikatakan pengaruh..

aku terharu sekali bila aku terbaca satu blog ni.. terpampang wajah aku yang "jelita" ni di muka depan blog tersebut.. terperanjat sekejap aku dibuatnya.. dah tu pulak ada storyline disebalik gambar tu..! bukan apa.. aku baru saja digelar temanwanita kepada seorang daripada teman mereka jadi kita dah jadi coverstory untuk blog tu.. terima kasih semua.. buat susah ajer letak gambar ni semua.. dah gitu takper, diberinya aku nama baru..! takper.. no matter what, aku tetap DeE..!

it may come as a shock to some of my friends but this is what i have choosen.. this is my decision.. don't ask..

lagi satu perkara yang aku hairan.. kenapa si NeLL tu perasan tak habis-habis eh? aper segala yang aku buat semuanya tak kena dengan dia.. i'm sure you guys will say buat bodoh sudah & memang aku buat bodoh tapi menyakitkan hati tau kadang-kadang.. macam semalam.. aku tukar tag MSN aku sebab sHaM degil.. dah degil takper, tiba-tiba jadi gila..! kebetulan, si NeLL pon log in.. dia baca tag aku, dia pon feeling-feeling lah yang aku nak kena kan dia.. padahal, aku ajukan tu semua buat sHaM.. tak tau malu eh? bila aku main lagu I'm Back at On D' Radio dia kata aku sengaja nak sakitkan hati dia lah, aku nak kenakan dia lah.. dia fikir aku banyak masa nak buat kerja-kerja bodoh ni? GROW UP LAH NELL..! GET A LIFE..!

oklah.. sekejap lagi aku nak keluar, nak pergi interview.. harap-harap dapat kerja.. tak suka lah duduk rumah hari-hari kena bising.. lagipon aku nak jumpa kawan lama favourite aku..! aZMaN..! lama sey tak jumpa dia.. ada baik nya aku keluar sekarang.. nanti lambat pulak..

macam-macam happenin..


020206
one of the most enjoyable days i've had lately.. it still felt the same like how it was 3 years ago.. just the 4 of us.. crappin, laughin and most importantly enjoyin each other's company.. thank you s|z, FFiZ & FiE for reminicin the gd old times.. pictures will be up soon.. ouh btw, check out s|z's blog for more of the karaoke pics..

my favourite Levis 599 is torn..! my comfort jeans.. my companion.. *SiGh* now i need to find a new somethin for solace..

alright, back to work/school people..


lucky for me.. my class is tmr.. khehehe~ so that's an extra day off for me..

HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY TO MY DARLIN' COUZ..! *SiGh* THE cousin.. yeah.. the one with 1 kid & another on the way.. the one who got MARRIED before i did.. khehehe~ well, i still love you NaNDa.. MARRIED or not..

anyway, it's so contradictin.. i sent out a notice to all my On D' Radio crew informin them that i won't be able to go on air for abt 2 weeks but i HAVE been on air yesterday & the day before..! ahahaha..! can't help it.. i miss dj-ing & i feel that yesterday was the best so far.. RuSHy was on air from 8.00 - 9.30, i took over from 10.00 - 12.00 & then iDHaM took over from 1.00 - 2.30.. On D' Radio: 7 1/2 hrs non-stop..! wOw..! i loved it..!



i can't wait for tmr..! i have a DATE with my BaBy GerL, FFiZ & FiE.. don't know if it's gonna be just like old times but however it's gonna be, i am so lookin foward for tmr..!

hhmmm.. just a quick UPDATE for the friends who are curious abt what's goin on between me & my teman baru.. we are just friends.. JUST FRIENDS..! period. fullstop. no dates whatsoever, no hogging on the phone late at night & aper-aper lagi yg you all fikirkan.. ok? *SmiLeZ*

its 'HisHaM'


yeap.. i asked him how his name was spelled.. khehehe~ so silly of me..

i decided to do something EXTRAORDINARY yesterday.. i picked out a song to sing..! believe it or not..! ahahaha... well, they clapped & cheered [thank you.. *bLusH*] but then they all fell silent.. made me feel so awkward.. but on the whole, we all enjoyed ourselves, didn't we? i look foward to meetin these bunch of fun people again.. *SmiLeZ*

reached Bedok at abt 12.15.. kindda late considerin that i made a curfew of 11.00 for myself.. took us almost 20 minutes to find the Central Square carpark entrance.. it's all sHaM's fault..! khehehe~ made us walk round & round the whole place..! ouh yeah.. we manage to take a snap before we left the carpark.. khehehe~



hey..! don't get the wrong ideas guys.. it's just a picture, ok? *WiNkZ*

ouh & by the way, "SELAMAT TAHUN BARU" to all my Muslim friends..

Happy Chinese New Year


to all my friends celebratin this occasion.. *SmiLeZ*

did i tell you guys about how i scored 5 points [or was that 2 points..?] for my group in my TPSW class? yes i did score.. by reading the 'Peter Piper' tongue twister..! khehehe..~ i loved it..! ouh by the way, i passed my SBS paper with a 'C'..! Yeah.! i'm now eagerly waitin for my HMC result.. i know i've already passed that paper but i wanna know my grade.. can't wait..!

anyway, i wanna THANK [with sarcasm..] my dear big sister aBBie for draggin me to her boyfriend [BeN] & friends' chalet yesterday.. so much for the "HELP-ME-I-DON'T-KNOW-ANYONE!" excuse.. i really thought you didn't know anyone there.. YOU SET ME UP..! how could you..? how could you match make me with your friend, HiSyaM [or HisHaM.. however his name is spelled..!] you sneaky pair?! not that i'm angry but seriously i was SO embarrassed..! & to make things worse, your friends ALL knew about it includin HiSyaM/HisHaM..! you kept me in the dark..! I am so gonna wring your necks..! but he's a nice chap though.. sweet.. funny.. well in short, he makes a gd friend.. *WiNkZ*

i can expect a lot of assumptions from you guys who've read that entry at the top.. i know some will think that i'm datin him, some will think that i'm a flirt.. etc.. etc.. etc.. WHATEVER.. i have a clear conscience.. anyway, i'll be back.. gotta go change.. he's fetchin me at 1915 hrs later & we're gonna go meet up with aBBie, BeN & their friends for KARAOKE-ing..! khehehe..~

sky's kindda blue..


went to IKEA the day before yesterday.. bought some stuff for the room.. i love how it looks now.. much neater than before.. maybe that's what happen when you feel like crap & you need to distract yourself.. it cheered me up though.. *SmiLeZ*

met up with the person whose feelings i've hurt so bad.. i don't wanna mention names.. well, if you already know who then it's best you keep it to yourself.. i feel bad over what happened but i can't force myself.. it feels better now that we've cleared the air but it doesn't feel the same.. i think i need time to get over this..

had a fun day in TPSW class yesterday.. my assignment's on VOCATION[S] & i think i'm gonna do about Radio Producer/Presenter.. well, maybe.. i bought 2 double cheeseburgers 1 each for aLeXiS & myself for dinner but the girl who served me gave me an extra cheeseburger..! khehehehe~ on my way back home from school, i bumped into aDi, one of the arab guys i got to know 5 mths back @ cHeeky mOnkey's.. kHaLeeD's couz.. hhmmm.. haven't seen them for quite sometime [& I DON'T WISH TO SEE THEM AGAIN..!]..

gonna be busy with the school assignments on hand.. i haven't start my write up with aBg FiQuE for On D' Radio since he's SO busy.. what do you expect? he's 'Singapore's Fav Guy', isn't he? whatever.. but i miss him too.. ouh & i need to be more active with On D' Radio very soon.. haven't been on air for quite a while now & i miss it..

skies shall be blue.. i know it will..

sorry & miserable.. pick 'em up


i feel really bad.. i told dat sumone the truth & dat person didn't take it good..

damn it.. F^CK..!

i really haf no intention to hurt your feelin.. i swear..! i juz can't be wit you.. not bcuz of your background or your past or wateva it is dat you assumed.. i juz can't.. i lyk you.. i really do but i don't have the feelings for you..

thanx sTeVe for dinner & the organizer insert..
thanx aLeXis for comfortin me yesterday..
thanx to "Breakfast at Tiffany's" for lullin me to sleep..

i'm LOVIN' it..!


i LOVE TPSW class..!
i LOVE mR NaiDu..!
i LOVE the way he speaks..!

well i juz luv everythin abt it.. it's as cool as TDMC class.. no.. WAY, WAY much cooler than TDMC.. khehehehe..~ happens dat the cute guy in TDMC class is in TPSW as well & unfortunately, he's in the same HMC class wit aLeXiS.. darn it.. oh well.. he's prolly younger den me.. not into younger guys.. sorry..!

juz a breakdown of the abbreviation:

HMC - Human & Mass Communications
TDMC - The Dynamics of Mass Communications
TPSW - Techniques of Professional Speaking & Writing

aniwae, i'm runnin away fr sumthin dat i shud face up to.. i noe it shud be dealt wit as early as possible but i juz dunno how to.. i haf to tell DAT SUMONE how i truly feel & not lead dat person on.. nOpe.. dun worri sTeVie.. it's not u.. *WiNkZ*

"HAPPY 3rd YEAR ANNIVERSARY TO MY BaBy GerL & FiZZ..!"

ok, i shall go now.. gotta tink of "iDa the Destroyer & Friends" series & prolly go disturb GreGGy at the same tym.. peace out..

reunion


started my 1st class for the new term yesterday.. kindda lyk a reunion.. there was HaaS, sHikiN, HaZeL, TeRRi, syaHiDaH, aiSyaH & me.. ohh.. & some other familiar faces.. *WiNkZ* i lyk the class cuz mR JaiLani's the lecturer & i tink he's cool..

now i'm at hm, tinkin over some stuffs.. i have a lot of confessions & rejections to make.. *SiGh*.. well i'll write in again.. MuM brought a fren hm.. gonna go make tea.. later guys..

lady rain..


it has been a wet, wet week.. very sad..

i realised i've gained 6 kilos [NO...!!!] & now i'm fat & ugly.. not forgettin jobless & helpless [make dat HOPEless..] i already put myself on a strict 'no-chocolate' diet & i'm tryin not to eat too much..

it's really tough lukin for a job everywhr.. luck is really not on my side.. stupid of me.. really.. badly in nid of a job ryt now.. can't stand askin BaBa for money everytym i nid it.. it pisses him off & i noe it.. anyone can help me..? please..?

in confusion now actually.. i dunno wat i'm supposed to do wit all these guys in my lyf.. i wanna live w/o them.. can i..? mayb i shud haf a heart to heart talk wit FiE.. settle things once & for all.. i noe MY BABY GERL wud lyk dat.. khehehe..

oh.. & btw, juz to make things clear, I AIN'T NOBODY'S SCANDAL AITE.. get dis clear in dat small brain of urs.. u shud noe hu u r..

exam.. [deja vu]


sittin for my last paper later at 2pm.. head's spinnin, stomach's achin, eye's stoned.. wat cud be worst..? headphones on, hoobastank's playin.. *SiGh* tryin to adapt to exams once again.. i noe it's too late cuz it's the last paper but i've gotta get used to it cuz i've got another 3 more terms to go thru..

last saturday's meetin wuz a breather for me.. i mean after the rough rides, i wuz really lukin foward to the meetin.. well more lyk meetin familiar faces dat i've not meet before & not met for a long tym.. hhmmm... wuz assigned as an editor together wit TiaRa.. gonna be fun..! my BaBy gerL & me..

things lukin fine here at home & i'm beginnin to luv it.. no matter wat, FAMILY COMES FIRST..

lemme juz gif a recap of the event dat started my misery till now..

230805 wuz the date dat he broke off the relationship.. i dunno y but i wuz SO INTO HIM.. mayb bcuz of the things dat we've been thru together dat made the relationship very, very special & meaningful to me.. i wuz SO ready to settle down wit him cuz i've almost totally changed myself for the better for my family, for him & myself.. i changed my job for stability reasons, i stopped my bad habits & picked up gd ones for the relationship but in the end it didnt werk out..

bcuz i wuz so into the relationship
- my job got affected & i left..
- my BEST FREN OF 5 YRS gave up on me..
- i almost wrecked my family ties..
- i made frens worried..
- i went into isolation, kept late nyts sumtyms not slpin for 2 days straight, comin hm late almost everyday, cried my eyes out to slp..

in short i wuz damagin my health.. now i only haf my family, close frens & my skul.. do you think i can keep it together?

Happy 2006 Everyone..


juz wanna wish everyone a very happy 2006.. may the new yr bring happier moments & events to everyone..

things r not ridin dat well for me.. i wanna go back but my stubborness is juz being itself.. i miss MuM but i miss aYuL the most.. damm it..

i'm havin my 1st paper at 2pm later.. i'm supposed to be slpin but here i am updatin my blog.. i wanna continue but i tink i'll do dat in the later part of the day.. my brain suddenly froze on me.. nid to hang out my laundry aniwae.. so many things yet so little tym & so little brain activity.. update again soon..

LETTER FOR A SISTER..


SO U SAY U GUYS CARE? R U SURE? HAVE U GUYS EVER GIF A TOT ABT HOW I WOULD FEEL OR TINK..? HAF U GUYS EVER REALISED DAT I AM FAMILY..? U GUYS TINK I DO WATEVER I DID WITOUT TINKIN RYT..?I BET U DO.. WELL I DUN.. I HAF MY REASONS Y I DUN FOLLOW THE RULES AT HM..

SO U SAY DAT HE CARES & LUVS ME MORE DEN ANY OF U GUYS? R U SURE? HU IS THE ONE DAT HE DOTES UPON ALL THE TYM? HU IS THE ONE HU DOESNT GET SCOLDIN FOR SCORIN BADLY IN THE EXAMS? WUZ DAT ALL ME..? I DUN TINK SO.. COUNT URSELVES LUCKY DAT BOTH UR CHILDHOODS WUZ MORE COLOURFUL DEN MYN.. COUNT URSELVES LUCKY DAT U DIDNT HAF TO FACE THE CANE EVERY SINGLE DAY OF UR CHILDHOOD.. SKUL FEES..? HE TOLD ME HE'S NO LONGER PAYIN FOR MY SKUL FEES.. THANX A LOT.. I WILL TRY TO FIND MY MEANS, I'LL TINK OF SUMTHIN.. U WANT ME TO PONDER ABT Y I BLAME HIM WEN I MADE A MISTAKE..? HU'S THE ONE HU MADE THE MISTAKE IN THE 1ST PLC..? SO HE TINKS DAT I DIDN'T LUK FOR A JOB..? TINK AGAIN.. U TINK I LYK ASKIN HIM FOR MONEY..? ALL THROUGHOUT MY ENTIRE SKUL LIFE UP TILL O'BRIENS, HAF I EVER TROUBLED HIM FINANCIALLY..? EVEN WEN HE BORROWED FR ME, HAF I EVER ASKED FOR IT BACK..? PLEASE PONDER & TELL ME.. I'M JUZ CURIOUS.. Y DOES HE LYK TO PICK ON ME..? I MEAN, WAT IS PAST HAS PASSED.. I'M NO LONGER THE PERSON I WUZ BEFORE SO Y IS HE STILL PICKIN ON ME..? SO MANY TYMS I'VE CHANGED JUZ SO WE WON'T FIGHT BUT THERE IS ALWAYS SUMTHIN ABT ME DAT BOTHERS HIM SO MUCH DAT HE HAS TO QUARREL WIT ME..

I LUV HER A LOT.. EVEN IF SHE DOESN'T TREAT ME AS WELL AS SHE TREATS U, I STIL LUV HER.. EVEN WEN SHE DOESN'T WANNA TALK TO ME LYK HOW SHE TALKS TO U, I STIL LUV HER.. EVEN WEN SHE DOESN'T COME TO MY DEFENSE WEN HE BEATS ME UP LYK CRAP, I STIL LUV HER.. EVEN WEN SHE ALMOST MADE ME A CRIPPLE & BROKE MY BACK, I STIL LUV HER.. IT'S NOT THE PRESENTS DAT I WAN ON MY B'DAY, I JUZ WANNA BE TREATED JUZ AS EQUAL..

I TRIED TO BOND WIT HIM CUZ HE'S MY BROTHER.. I LUV HIM CUZ HE'S THE ONLY BROTHER I HAF.. I HAF NVR TREAT HIM BAD.. I DUN TINK I EVER DID.. I KIP MY DISTANCE AT TYMS BCUZ I DIDN'T WAN TO INFLUENCE HIM IN ANY BAD WAY.. HE'S THE ONE HU DOESN'T WANNA TALK TO ME.. HE'S THE ONE HU DOESN'T WANNA OPEN UP.. I WATCHED BOTH OF U GROW UP & IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME DAT U GUYS R CLOSE CUZ DATS HOW U GUYS HAF BEEN SINCE SMALL.. IT MAKES ME VERY HAPPY JUZ TO C THE BOTH OF U CLOSE.. I DUN ASK FOR MUCH..

I SWEAR I LUV U THE MOST OF ALL THE MEMBERS IN THE HSE.. U NOE I DO.. EVEN WEN U DUN COME TO MY RESCUE WEN I NEEDED U, I STIL LUV U.. I HAF NVR DISCRIMINATED U & I'M FLATTERED TO HEAR DAT U LUK UP TO ME ALTHO I NOE I'M JUZ A PIECE OF USELESS CRAP HU GETS ON EVERYONE'S NERVES & MAKE THEIR BLOOD BOIL.. TINK OF ALL THE TYMS I'VE COVERED UR ASS WEN U GOT INTO TROUBLE.. U NOE I WON'T LET ANYONE LAY A FINGER ON U.. NOT EVEN DAD.. WAT'S THE USE OF HAVIN THE BRAINS BUT NOBODY CARES..? I DUN CARE HOW OR WAT U R, U R STIL MY SISTER HU I LUV VERY MUCH & NO ONE CAN CHANGE DAT FACT.. WAT MAKES U TINK I BAD-MOUTHED U TO MY FRENS..? SUMTYMS I DO SAY NASTY THINGS BUT U NOE I DUN MEAN DEM & I SAY DEM SUMTYMS SO DAT U REALISE DAT U SHUD STOP LIVIN IN MY SHADOWS & B URSELF.. I CANNOT BE THERE FOR U ALL THE TYM & BACK U UP.. IT'S NOT DAT I DUN WANNA SHARE SECRETS WIT U BUT LUK AT URSELF IN THE MIRROR & TINK.. EVERYTYM I SHARE SUMTHIN WIT U, U ALWAYS SAY ALL THE NEGATIVE THINGS & U ALWAYS PUT ME DOWN.. HOW DO U TINK I FEEL..?

U GUYS ALWAYS BLAME ME FOR EVERTHIN DAT HAPPENS IN THE HSE.. HAF U ALSO STOPPED TO TINK WAT U GUYS HAF DONE..? OR SHUD I SAY HAF NOT DONE..? I'M THE BAD APPLE IN THE HSE.. I'M THE ONE HU 'BROKE-UP' THE FAMILY.. I'M THE ONE HU'S CAUSIN THE TROUBLE.. HAF U GUYS TOT ABT Y I BECAME LYK DAT..? IT'S SO EZ FOR U TO POINT UR FINGERS AT ME BUT HAF U ALSO SEEN WAT I HAF DONE FOR THE FAMILY..?

PLEASE.. I WANNA GO HOME.. I WAN EVERYTHIN TO BE NORMAL.. IS IT SO HARD..?

Merry Christmas..!


yeah.. i dun celebrate x'mas but Merry X'mas aniwae.. haf been takin dis tym to slack.. i mean rest at hm.. khehehe~

aniwae, before i forget, i better jot down my resolutions sumwhr.. well here goes, in the order of importance..

1 - get myself a job
2 - pay off my bills
3 - get my drivin license
4 - complete my Diploma course
5 - FINALLY find a REAL guy to settle down wit..

speakin of settle down, it's Karima's weddin tdy.. congratulations.. *WiNkZ*

dis is gonna be one memorable new year.. exactly a yr back, east coast, sittin by the beach, countin down till new year's day, HE proposed.. *SiGh* gotta do sumthin on new year's eve.. kip myself distracted fr those tots.. well, i'll be back later.. gonna watch sum tv..

my 'WAN'derful Grandma..


171205
0700hrs - Headed out. only had 2 person in mind at dat moment of tym n strangely, one of dem was NeLL.. geez.. why? I dunno.. juz kindda miss him after the msn conversations we xchanged of late.. crappy, nonsensical buddy of myn.. hehe..

1000hrs - Met my Uncle Man & headed straight to Auntie Yam's [aka aYuL's MuM] plc.. found out they were building new semi-ds ard her area & my parents r now in discussion to buy a hse there.. geez [again].. slacked till late & BaBa says we're goin to Auntie Sham's plc in Malacca next..

2230hrs - Reached Auntie Sham's plc.. slpy.. *YaWn* hhmmpphh.. no comments.. slpy.. really..

181205
1102 - Juz woke up.. reached Grandma's at 0130 dis morning.. everyone tried wakin me up but I juz pretended dat I didn't hear dem.. hehe.. I'm achin all over.. oh well..

1612 - All set now.. we're headin to Ulu Bentong, a 15 mins drive fr Grandma's.. I dunno how to describe the plc but u'll c it in the pics later..

1900 - Back.. Very tired but had a great tym.. ;) hehehe~ the water wuz darn cold..! almost froze wen my feet touched the water..

191205
1000 - Hmm.. an hr earlier den ystrday.. we're goin visitin tdy.. heard there's a possibility we're goin hm tdy.. hhmmm...

1645 - We're at Grandma's 2nd sister's hse, 1/2 an hr ride fr her plc.. been here since 1400.. myt not be goin hm tdy.. sadness..

201205
0750 - Awake.. WoW..! hehehe~ & no one woke me up.. ;) guess the excitement is too overwhelmin.. can't wait to be back..

1140 - Got back fr class.. [i went straight to class the moment we reached mind u..] saw my frens online.. I MISH U GUYS..!

40.0 degrees..


YEAH..! assignments all done & submitted..! FINALLY..

found out dat now many ppl has dis perception dat i'm datin RuSHy.. oh dear.. RuSHy.. RuSHy.. he makes it so real dat i dunno how i'm gonna get out of dis one.. hmmm...

i did sumthin silly last saturday.. wuz so pissed wit HIM at hm dat i took off & went drinkin.. bodoh kan? a drink too many & there i wuz, flyin witout wings... hehehehe~ BUT i did not trouble anyone.. thank goodness.. sober up in the afternoon at abt 3pm & felt zombie-ish.. broke one of my pacts.. sheesh.. things lukin rough for me.. no HP, no internet [sumtyms, at hm..] & no one at hm [but my sis] is talkin to me for some reason.. *SiGh*

haf been eatin a lot lately.. hung out wit sTeve, GreG & aLeXis a lot toO.. speakin of which, GreG leaves on the 20th.. funny fella.. hehehe~ gonna miss him wen he's gone.. felt feverish last wednesday & yesterday was a high of 40.0 degrees.. felt better tdy & temp is currently at 37.2 as i type dis.. aniwae, leavin for grandma's at 10 later.. will b back on the 20th, hopefully in tym for SBS class..

aite gonna leave u guys wit pics of MORE food..!

assignments.. tsk..




yeap.. dats my shoe's heel.. it came off even before i went for the hari raya outin wit aYuL, her guy & his frens... hehehe~

aniwae, met up wit sTevie & DaVe yesterday for dinner.. well, DaVe got sort-of promoted so i asked him for a treat.. hehe~ thick-skinned me.. thank u guy for dinner.. njoyed myself very much & thank u sTevie for the indepth tots on SPGs..

my assignments ARE NOT COMPLETED YET..!!! AARRRGGGHHH..!! stressed out wit no job, no luv, no life.. aniwae, i shall leave u peeps wit the food we had yesterday..

Beef Rendang


BBq Stingray


Chap Chye


[The Not-So-Tasty] Soon Hock with Soya & Garlic Sauce

fill 'em up


so many things, so little lines.. bear wit me guys..

the suckiest Raya so far.. pictures up so help urself to the sad little pictures.. it wuz so sucky dat i went out wit aYuL's frens [erm.. actually aYuL's guy's skulmates..] who we dun noe.. but thanx aniwae SiS for being so thoughtful.. luv u lots.. to all frens: next yr aite..? disappointment.. aniwae, attended dJ RuSHy's open hse on the 26th last mth.. thanx RuSH..

MuM's buggin me abt marriage.. no Ma, u betta stop it.. i'm not gettin married [yet..] cuz i'm not ready.. damm.. she's scarin me wit the 'M' word.. she kips tinkin dat HeLMy [my SBS classmate] is my guy wen he actually is not.. Ma, reali, stop it.. i mean it..! speakin of which, classes r almost comin to the end.. Human & Mass Communication [HMC] class will end on the 12th & Social Behavioural Studies [SBS] class will end on the 23rd.. i haf a very long way to get my diploma & after which i'm tinkin of continuin wit the advanced diploma.. *SiGh*

found a part-tym job juz for this december.. helpin out at a gift/flower shop as an admin asst.. betta den nuthin ryt..? i finally handed over my SingPost werk pass & collected the remains of my stuff back at the office.. suddenly, i miss the plc, my pals at werk & especially my best fren, iDaDi..

went to watch Chicken Little [he's kindda cute..] wit HeLMy juz now & after which we went to esplanade to catch Lovehunters' performance.. damm..! the vocalist [yaZiD] literally took my breath away..! swept me off my feet..! *DrooLs..* hehehe~ he wuz gd, well the trio wuz gd.. WoW..! wud luv to c him perform again.. met up wit aYuL & NaD & headed hm after..

suddenly most of my ex-es r in contact wit me.. hhmmm..

- FiE
- FaiZaL [mD]
- aZHaR
- NaS [well i wudn't consider him but can also lah..]

but becoz..?


i must b borin u guys wit details dat may seem irrelevant to ur daily lives.. i cant help it.. not dat i dun wanna talk to any of u, juz dat i cant say it.. my RESURRECTION is the only plc i can let out everythin.. *SiGh*

my sis got herself a Nokia 3230 recently.. gd for u SiS.. u've been wantin a new phone ryt? stil in search of a new job.. applied to all sorta companies & yet to receive news.. im bored to death ryt now, here at hm.. waitin for the tym to reach 6pm.. mittin one of my pals, wanna go chill at east coast..

quittin smokin is givin me migrane..! will not give up.. already quit clubbin [erm.. i think..] & drinkin.. one of those resolutions before the New Year shits.. i noticed i'm shrinkin.. must be agein really fast here.. losin my appetite, losin my temper, losin my mood.. losin everythin..

gd luck to FaiZaL on ur new luv life.. glad to hear ur movin on..

i'm njoyin myself deejayin almost every nyt.. be it by myself or wit dJ RuSHy, everytym i go onair, i feel lyk i'm in another plc.. whr ppl listen to me & not me listenin to dem.. a change for once..

i've updated my POETRY PAGE so do check it out.. i shall leave u guys now wit my pic fr JB..


my QuRaiSyaH..


aYuL & her 'MuM'


mE & MuM


aYuL & MuM


uS @ one of the kampung..


mE & aYuL..

he wasn't man enuf for me


gone.. he's gone.. hehe~ told u peepz.. these kindda guys r lyk everywhr nowadays.. no regrets, no tears, no turnin back for me.. it's so ez.. u lie, u get out of my life.. dat's it, short & simple.. thank goodness i wuzn't serious wit him or else i'll only end up wit another chipped-off heart.. hehehe~

it's lyk dis.. i'm not tryin to say dat i wuz playin ard wit his feelins.. juz dat i told him i wuzn't ready for a relationship & he didn't seem lyk the type you can get serious wit [pls read my blog entry dated november 11] but he said dat 'he luvs me' & all those mushy stuffs.. wateva..! so, ok fine.. i let him haf a taste of wat it's lyk wen u lie to DeE in a relationship.. he lied A LOT & dat wuz enuf for me to show him the door..

- bike? i didn't c ur licence.
- ex-gf died 2 yrs ago? u broke up 4 mths back.
- bike accident? more lyk 'i fell off my bed'.
- parents divorcin? already divorced.
- dad in Bali? mayb dad in Batam.
- credit cards? get urself an ATM card first.

wat do u guys get wen u do dis?

i dun..


i'm not werkin animore but im wuz thinkin of lukin for a job dat's relevant to my course.. i'm reali not a theory person.. hehe~ tot it wud b better if i found a job dat's in the same capacity as my course so at least i've got the experience..

found sumone hu is 'in luv' wit me.. wateva.. dun reali trust those words until proven.. dunno if he's serious or juz being a playa [if u noe wat i mean..] some call him DaNieL or alternatively NaSiR, 27, stubborn old jackass, mummy's 'boy', a lady's man & kips tellin people 'nie bini aku..' [dis is my wife..] havent got a picture of him to show but will try to get it soon.. he doesnt reali lyk takin pictures of himself.. damm him.. well, i juz take wateva dat comes.. if he's not up to it also den i'm sori baby, out the door u go.. the feelin of lykin a guy is slowly wearin off me.. haha..!

i'm disappointed wit tmr's plan.. RaJa said we're not goin out tmr & FiE hasnt called or reply me back.. found out the TK guys r plannin on jalan raya next saturday but i've yet to call anione of dem.. MuM's not goin to Uncle Rosli's open hse tmr so i guess it's 'Stay Home Saturday' for me unless ZiE has plans.. hhmmm...

gotta clarify sumthin.. people myt tink dat i'm reali a Black Widow but i'm not.. happens dat i've got loads of guy frens.. dat's all.. it's been dat way eversince i wuz a kid so dun get the wrong idea aite..? ryt.. leavin now, talk later..

cheats, lies & deceits...


actually i already typed out my previous entries but sumhow, blogger wuz under maintainence, didn't save my entries & all wuz lost.. damm it..

had my hair cut tink abt 1 or 2 wks back.. dyed it red [dun ask..!] & i luk lyk a freakin witch.. talk abt halloween..!

aniwae, met FaiZaL & LukMaN last friday.. he came to take his baju kurung fr me.. we slacked & chatted a while at my void deck & after wat seemed lyk 15 minutes, they left.. no comments..

hey, i've already added the september babies photo & the 'legendary' cursed 3-2-3.. hehehe~ the neverendin haunt..

i've yet to jalan raya & not sure wen we [the whole family] r goin to do so.. it's a really freakin different Raya for me.. *SiGh*

aniwae, wats wit my blog topic u say..? well wat else..? they cheat, they lie & they r full of deceit..
- FiE >> tot u wanted the green baju kurung? i painstakingly kept it for u.. u didnt reply my msgs, didnt return my calls & ended up i gave it to FaiZaL.
- aNDiE >> disappeared. period.
- DaNNy >> disappeared [wit my 50 geez]. damm it..

hhmm... juz found out sumthin.. my lyf is revolvin ard too many ppl by the name of FaiZaL.. gotta STAY [very far, far] AWAY fr dem.. i can go on but i betta not.. peace out..

Selamat Hari Raya


Selamat Hari Raya to y'all...

Thorough sadness fills my heart, as the takbir is chanted in the air..
Different is today, now my MuM is far, far away..
As families walk thru the streets visitin their loved ones, here i am longin for MuM..
missin HIM too, the one i adore..
Strong as i am, i cannot lie..
SEPASANG KURUNG HIJAU..
BERAKHIRNYA CINTA INI..

'da BLACK WIDOW..


seems lyk my Singles_Out haf done it so i tink it's my turn.. here goes..

7 things dat [will] scare me:
- my MuM not comin home for RaYa
- losin my family
- losin my frens
- growin old
- not gettin married
- guys being afraid of me.. hehehehe!~
- not able to find DAT SUMONE to fill the empty space in my heart.. *SiGh*

7 things dat i lyk most:
- Singles_Out
- iDaDi
- mY BeLoveD aBg FiQue.. hhmmm...
- internet
- SiNgiN'.. lalalaala...
- takin pictures.. hehehe~ an understatement..!
- tall guys.. [pls refer to point no. 3] *WiNkZ..!*

7 most important things in my room:
- my [SiSter's] laptop
- my Winnie the Pooh
- my comforter
- my mirror
- my air-conditioner
- my Starbucks mug
- my SiSter

7 random facts abt me:
- i get paranoid wen sumone calls me by my full name
- wen i scream at my SiSter, it means i luv her..
- i cry wen i dun get to surf the net.. even for a while..
- i haf manic depression [at certain tyms dat is..]
- i [am beginnin to] haf insomnia
- i'm a DEVOTED GURLFREN damm it..! i really am, ouhkie..?
- i become sumone else wen i'm wit DAT SUMONE dat i adore..

7 things i plan to do before i die:
- tell DAT SUMONE dat i adore him
- get married
- get married & honeymoon in SpaIn
- stop screamin at my SiSter
- start communicatin wit my BroTher
- quit smokin
- make BaBa quit smokin also.. hehehe~

7 things dat i CAN do:
- fall in luv
- flare my temper at the wierdest moments
- show guys who i'm not interested in DA HAND w/o feelin guilty
- stayin up for a max of 48 hrs
- be on tym for appointments.. hehehe~
- cook
- sing.. [wuz forced to admit it..]

7 things dat i CANT do:
- dJ & type at the same tym
- sing & dance at the same tym
- sing alone in front of an audience
- resist the temptation of spendin my last few dollars
- tell DAT SUMONE dat i adore him
- quit smokin
- change myself to suit another person's criteria

7 words i say a lot:
- Thank you for callin SingPost, this is Ida. How can I help you?
- 'kau dah kenaper??!'
- 'tak dapat..!'
- damm u..!
- 'tengok ah camaner..'
- 'kalau kau fikir..'
- 'mati ah..!'

7 celeb crushes:
- aBg FiQue
- Taufik
- Taufik Batisah
- Da Singapore Idol
- mY fav cuzzin
- Sulaiman Hamzah
- Christiano Ronaldo

7 peeps i would luv to see doin dis:
- my SiSter
- my SiSter's frens
- ?
- ?
- ?
- ?
- ?

ouhkie.. my SiSter's waitin for me now.. gtg change.. gonna go haf a haircut later..

oh happy days..!


hahahahaha..!~

my [3/4] Singles_Out gerls nvr fail to put a smile on my face.. thank u gerls..! thank u also to Singles_Out's best fren(s) for takin tym off to join us in one of our outings [iDaDi, aDek & a'Ne's frens.. hehe..].. so sori to my 2 darlins for the hiccup at the beginnin of the outin.. lyk s|z mentioned, i've given up on eBoO.. cant be bothered to ask her for the next gatherin.. well, i njoyed myself VERY, VERY much yesterday & i apologize 1 more tym for disappearin halfway thru the outin..

pictures [compliments fr s|z & my other reliable resources..] will be up.. soon.. promise..

juz realized dat i havent been updatin my poetry page.. hhmmm... soon also..

ryt.. got to go dj now... catch up wit y'all later..

[new] Singles_Out


s|z & her gerlfren


a'Ne & her gerlfrens


DeE & her gerlfren

there she goes..


they left on thursday afternoon at abt 4.30pm.. said gdbye to MuM teary-eyed.. i'm missin her already & i miss MaMa & Mak Nor.. damm.. juz wished they cud come home soOn..

cant wait to go break fast wit my Singles_Out SISTERS.. it's gonna be a 'Girlfriends' nyt out again.. YiPPiE..!

skul wuz fun.. a totally different experience fr NYP.. both my lecturers r fun & understandin.. [too bad one's old & the other's not my type.. hhmmm...] wanna thank my superiors @ SingPost for their kind understandin & givin me the flexible werkin hrs to accommodate to my classes.. *WiNkZ!*

to all the guys out there hu stil tinks dat im available.. let me make dis clear.. I AM NOT.. well, i m but im not interested.. hehehe~ i did try but it didnt werk out.. *SiGh*

busy, busy, BUSY..!


i'm startin skul dis monday.. my classes will be ongoing on every mondays & tuesdays @ MDIS campus, stirling road... dat's pretty far.. WoW..! i'm goin back to skul..! *sMiLeZ*

went to geylang today wit RaJa, ZaLi & DaniEL.. my 'SiSteRs' dat i've not met for quite sum tym... missed dem..! hehehehe~ ppl tot dat DaniEL wuz my guy cuz he's the only one hu luks 'straight' but nOpe, he's nOt..! hahahaha~ met a few ppl there namely, nOra [my cuzzin], KaK OyaH [my oTheR cuzzin], aPai [my fren], sHeDah [my BaBy..!] & BB [O'Briens ex colleague]..

before dat, after werk, went out wit iDaDi.. she accompanied me to pay my skul fees & after which we walked to Paradiz Centre & den to Plaza Singapura... must haf lost a couple of grams.. hehehe~ [wont say kilo..]

contradictin...
now im kippin in touch wit FaiZaL.. why?? i dunno.. mayb cuz of his baju kurung? i dun care.. he's juz a fren to me now.. wateva happens, happens..

now.. concentrate...


had a kenduri @ MaMa's hse tdy.. it's for the Umrah thingy.. *SiGh* dis yr's the saddest Hari Raya for me..
1> MuM's not in S'pore on the 1st day
2> BaBa's werkin on the 1st day
3> my 1st tym celebratin w/o my 'Other Half'
4> spendin a lot [for the 1st tym] for Hari Raya (ok so dat's not so sad... it's a responsibility..)

i dun wan a committment ryt now.. i've got responsibilities for the tym bein.. shoo guys..!

aniwae, i myt be startin skul @ MDIS if not soon den it'll be in January.. thanx BaBa..

**Singles_Out --> if u gerls wanna break fast on the weekend, how abt 22nd/23rd?

& suddenly it came back..


mistake..
mistake..
mistake..

met LukMaN yesterday & it wuz a mistake.. the main reason y i met up wit him wuz dat i wanted my MiNi ViSa back.. FaiZaL passed it to LukMaN & told him to return it to me.. shared the whole experienced wit LukMaN over dinner & i dunno.. *SiGh* FiE told me dat it cud juz all be a setup meanin dat LukMaN wuz juz bein an informer to FaiZaL.. an ego-booster for him if true enuf LukMaN wuz to pass on wateva i told him last nyt.. i dun care actually if he really does tell FaiZaL wat i told him.. to me everythin is over, it's all in the past..

huh! wuz told dat he became depressed, started drinkin till he knocked himself out.. wOw.. wuz dat supposed to make me feel sori for him..? did he feel sori for me..?

mistake..

hey..! brOtha FiE's comin home..! told me he'll be back by 2000hrs.. cOoL.. my best buDDy's back..

somewhere.. out there..


woah.. after knockin off @ SingPost, here i go rushin off to O'Briens down @ Jelita.. wakin up late everyday for werk is lyk a normal routine already.. lyf's tough & i dunno for how long more i can cope.. missed many dj-ing sessions bcuz of werk.. damm..

recently, last mon went to east coast for aZHaR's 25th b'day.. only 5 of us [mE, iDaDi, aZHaR, RaHmaT & SuHaiMi..] but we had loads of fun.. stil waitin for SuHaiMi to send me the pics.. [& i stil haf not uploaded the Sept BaBies pics.. hehe~]

well, nuthin much for updates actually unless u wanna hear abt how i rushed fr Paya Lebar to Holland Road & the amt of cash i spent on cab fares fr Holland Road to Bedok inclusive of midnyt charges..? catch y'all later..


aZHaR, SuHaiMi, RaHMaT


The Best Frens..


The Couple [not-meant-to-be]


@ Esplanade..

hey mr dj..


or it shud haf been ms dj.. did i get it right? aniwae, it's been a mth since the bloody incident happened & im still tryin to cope with things.. everythin lukin brighter for me now.. i luv my social life now.. im almost back to how i wuz couple of years back wen i juz started to be really close to iDaDi, my best fren of 5 yrs & im also almost back on my feet once more.. Thank U God..

tdy wuz my first shot at bein a dj @ On'D Radio.. haha!~ i sucked..! terrible boy.. nvm.. still got chance to improve.. *WiNkZ* thank u s|z for ur guidance & help.. luv u lots..! as i've said, i sucked but hey, i njoyed myself a lot..

i mish sumone now actually but i wont say hu.. *SiGh*

ouh.. 1 last thing before i peace out: I LOVE MYSELF..

. : iDaDi & iDaDeE : .

feels resurrected...


shud i try my luck in luv again? its so temptin yet so scary.. i wud luv to luv again but sumthin is juz holdin me back.. can i trust ur species again? sumtyms i juz loath the sight of them but its only temporary..

startin my part tym werk at O'Briens @ Jelita tmr, straight after werk.. will be needin the cash since i haf so much things to pay.. things r so different now dat MuM's not werkin.. it's all up to me & DaD.. now i feel the pressure of being part of the breadwinner..

will update later.. headin to east coast soon..

are you lonesome tonight..?


suddenly..
DAT feelin came back.. the same feelin dat i felt 3 mths after i broke up wit FiE.. damm.. i hate DAT feelin.. the squeezie feelin..

it hurts..

loneliness has set its plc in my heart again..
i hate guys for dis..
i hate guys for the pain..
i hate guys hu dun care..
i hate guys hu take pleasure in hurtin us..

frens can be there for u but not all the tym, mind u.. they haf their own life too.. but i thank all my frens hu've been there for me, distracted me fr the pain, spent tym wit me, the advices y'all gave.. i luv u all..

soon resurrectin..


thanx to all those hu stood by me.. though not throughly healed, i noe i will pick up the pieces..

iteniary for saturday [100905]
-: 0930 - 1330
werk

-: 1420 - 1550
lunch @ banquet wit aCt, discussion on 'on d'radio.com'

-: 1610 - 2000
dance comp @ Pasir Ris Elias CC

-: 2000 - 2200
visit Cairnhill CC

everythin summarized.. i dunno y but sumhow i noe, things will take a turn.. i dun believe in guys dat much animore.. wateva happens, happens.. i luv all my gerls & i will not be taken in animore.. no more for me..

will resurrect.. somehow..


yesterday headed to JB wit the whole family for yet another BIG b'day celebration.. celebratin the b'days of aYuL, aBg Mus, MaK NoR & afiK.. did quite njoy the kecoh-ness or wat we'd say crowd.. wuz in deep tots though before the whole event started cuz i remembered FaiZaL wuz supposed to tag along but unfortunately.. oh well..

pix will be up soon & i will try my very best to upload as soon as i can.. wuz surprised dat aBg fiQue wuz there cuz i tot he myt be busy wit his other committments.. forgot abt my probs for a while & tried to njoy the whole evenin..

things already cooled off between me & rOzi & i hope things will remain the way they r now.. family goin off dis comin thurs.. balik kampong arh.. mish my grandmama but i can't take anymore leaves [yet..].. aniwae, to my SingLes_OuT gerls.. r we set to go KL end of the mth? update k? FiE msged me fr Thailand yesterday & gosh do i mish him toO.. wuz juz thinkin of him the other day..

i would lyk to thank my beloved s|zzy for introducin me to on d'radio.. sumthin new dat i wud lyk to try.. *wInKz*

thank u sHweet shedah for ur words.. i will try to be strong..

aight.. will update soon..

updates


230805

my BaBy.. the one i truly adore, whom i cherish wit all my heart & soul, the love of my life, decided to end a relationship dat i thought wud last.. i appreciate the tyms he's shared & i pray dat one day, things will be as how they were the last tym.. wateva dat happened in the past, i haf long forgiven him cuz i noe the kind of person he is & i noe dat it is impossible to actually change a person's character.. never once did i haf the intention of hurtin his feelins or cheat on him cuz i LOVE him so much..

i should haf understood his position.. shud not haf asked for the attention but instead shower him wit the attention.. i love him too much to actually accept the fact dat he's lettin me go & i will still hold on to wat i believe until i see it wit my very own eyes dat he doesn't love me animore.. until den, i will never see myself wit another person & will still love him as how i've always did..

020905

it cud haf been our 8th monthsary yesterday...

a very bad start to my week.. for the 1st tym in the past few mths, i hurt rOzi's feelins.. she totally is a changed person fr wat i observed.. no longer the sweet rOzi dat i knew.. she told me i've changed eversince dat terrible incident.. tryin my best here to be my old self but sumtyms i can't help but to think abt him.. feels lyk we're driftin apart.. she's not her usual self, keepin things fr me & we're spendin lesser tym wit each other.. hate dis tension btw us.. one by one things are turnin against me..

sumtyms i juz dun understand why do ppl lyk hurtin me dis way.. all the tym i try to accomodate to them but it seems dat my best was never enuf.. wat more do these guys wan fr me? tried controllin my temper wit dem, tried toleratin wit their lifestyles, apologised at every arguements we haf so wat more?? why can't i just haf a decent relationship lyk all other ppl?? i can neither be myself nor the person dat they wan me to be.. i really, really dun understand..

no more for me..! ain't no freakin' guy is gonna hurt me no more..!