pointless

pointless


so simple yet complicated
so profound yet superficial
what happened to true beauty?
& love's first sight?
tearing the walls of frustrations
but stumbled into a rut of despair..

giving up on the hopes of all's fair,
curse the wretched destine laid forth
pointless anger vent in vain..

what more can i do..?

ROUGE

ROUGE


finally..! the Open Day was a success.. well, we were expectin a lot of guests in the afternoon but probably only 30 over people came which included the REAs, hoteliers & serviced apartments management teams.. 6 p.m. & my family was the 1st to arrive.. wow.. i showed them around & ushered them into the boardroom for snacks & drinks.. then everyone's family & friends came & the whole floor was jam-packed with people to the point that i had to weave my way through people just to get from the boardroom to the pantry to refill drinks & food.. in total, i opened 4 bottles of champagne & a bottle of red & white wine each.. at the end of it all, i felt like i was workin as a banquet waitress.. hehe.. pourin wine & champange for them, makin sure the food's enough for everyone & clearin the plates & glasses from the tables..

anyway, after the whole event, some of the ladies decided to celebrate the openin & at the same time cool off after 2 weeks of hard work put into the settin up of the new floor.. we went to Balaclava but the place was too busy so we headed down to Rouge instead.. we had our 1st round of drinks but then Jo had to leave because she was fallin asleep on the sofa..! spoilsport..! AuDReY came to join us at about 11 p.m. & we ordered a 2nd round of drinks.. SaVaNNaH's friend joined us shortly together with his friends.. apparently, aLeXiS was celebratin her birthday there as well & i joined her at her table for a couple of minutes.. we really let our hair down last night.. everyone was just crazy.. hehe.. most importantly, i had a great time de-stressin & i feel great now.. it's like a burden just got lifted off my shoulders.. PHEW..!

Tress Transition..

Tress Transition..

Finally..!

Finally..!


it's FRIDAY..! ok wait.. technically it's saturday but heck with it.. haha..! it's "Sleep-In Day"..! i get to wake up late again.. hurray..! hehehehehe~ actually, it's not the sleep-in thingy that i was cheerin about.. friday's the last day for us to finish up with the preparation for our 1st official workin day on the 28th.. yes FINALLY..! hopefully no more stayin in to finish up with the prep because everythin is [almost] ready for operations..

it has been a hectic week & my back's payin a price for it.. no more runnin around Raffles Place for last minute shoppin for the office like a mad woman on the loose, no more repeated trips to the bank to cash out money & scurryin back to the office.. & best of all, no more interrupted & postponed lunches..! i can now have lunch dates with SaVaNNah & the rest of the ladies or find a cool spot & do some readin without havin to run last-minute errands that take ages to complete..

anyway, i have firmly decided.. i shall cut my hair whether you guys like it or not.. what kind of style, i can't describe but you'll be sure to see it at some point.. hehe~

Happy 1st Anniversary

Happy 1st Anniversary


yes.. a good 1st anniversary of singlehood.. i never knew i would experience such a thing & really didn't expect that this will happen to me but i'm thankful though.. a whole year of thought-sortin, soul-searchin & self-review.. it's like takin a vacation from work..

as i quote from my MSN, "Grey Skies Don't Matter No More.. In Fact, Nothin Else Matters.." nothin really matters to me now.. [erm.. well.. not EVERYTHING though..] everyday is almost routine-like & the typical me is not the sort who digs routines but because i don't [really] care, it seems like an "ok" thing now..

i leave you now with an impromtu picture of some of my colleagues..

[clockwise from bottom left] JoaNNa, AuDReY, mE & SaVaNNaH..

please take a note

please take a note


FYI.. i'm in one of my swings again.. just keep a distance from me for the next couple of days.. i need to find myself.. for some reason, the rational part of me is in a daze..

i'm not sayin to COMPLETELY AVOID me, just KEEP A DISTANCE.. mind you, there is a difference.. i'm not im my best of moods..

Prudential Tower

Prudential Tower


i'm so sorry but i had to delete the previous entry.. my entire life is at stake..! well, ok not the entire life but still it concerns my future so i think deletin it was the best way to deal with it.. to those who've read it, forget what you have read & for those who didn't get a chance to read it, tough luck.. hehe~

anyway, 1st day at Prudential Tower wasn't that bad after all.. i have to admit it, i kind of like the place.. my very own desk, my very own space, my very own email address & most importantly, my very own extention..! cool..! hehe..

time passed so fast.. left Battery Road at 8.50 a.m & reached Prudential Tower at 9 a.m.. the office is a little confusin but after time i'm sure i'll get used to the floor.. we played around with the cool digital IP phones, the new PCs & i got a chance to have a "bondin session" with the uber-cool pantry.. my little play-space.. hehe~

what felt like an hour was actually 4 hours..! didn't notice it was already 1 p.m & none of us had gone for lunch.. i decided to go at 2.30 p.m & i came back at about 3.15 p.m & continued helpin out the new Auntie with the pantry stuffs.. we worked some more & then i realised it was already 6.30 p.m & we were all still in the office..! remembered i had an appointment with the insurance guy & quickly rushed over to Burger King @ OUB.. finally reached home at 9 p.m & amazingly i'm not as tired as i was normally..

well that's all i wanted to share for today.. lookin forward for tomorrow.. *WiNkZ*

no matter what..

no matter what..


wednesday.. 3rd week.. WOW.. by the end of next week, i have worked there for a month already.. time passes so fast.. i didn't realise it was that quick..

had tea [& coffee & cheesecake] at the new Coffee Bean @ Millenia Walk.. a different ambience compared to other outlets that i've seen & visited although i have to admit it was pretty cold.. well, partly myself to blame.. was wearin skirt today instead of pants suit.. anyway, loved the way the guy reacted when i ordered my usual Peppermint Vanilla tea.. hehe~ he thought i wanted a tea latte at first & when i said it wasn't tea latte, he panicked & called out for his manager.. caught his name in the process & guess what..? his name's FaiZaL.. hehe~ back to the story, i tried my best to explain what Peppermint Vanilla was but he really didn't get what i mean & finally after a few minutes of exchangin confused looks & uncontrollable fits of giggles [by yours truly..], he got what i meant BUT they ran out of Vanilla.. darn it..!

would like to chill out over at that outlet again one of these days.. it's a really cool [& cold] place.. love the songs they were playin too.. aight.. goin off now.. need some shut eye.. really, really tired..

the belated b'day dinner

the belated b'day dinner


i know this is VERY, VERY late but here's wishin GreGGy a Happy Belated Old-Day.. hehe~ well, planned a birthday dinner for him @ Swensen's yesterday & glad it went ok..



yes i know i look like a monkey, grinnin from ear to ear.. but i can't help it.. i was laughin when they took that picture.. notice anythin PINK..? anyway, the four of us [GreGGy, sTeVe, aLeXiS & myself] had a semi-ridiculous amount of food.. SEMI-RIDICULOUS.. we didn't reach that uber-ridiculousness level.. *SiGh* somethin IS wrong somewhere..

i'm goin to go do my checklists now.. until later..

saturday night & here i am..

saturday night & here i am..


i had the best sleep ever yesterday.. reached home at around 7 pm & fell asleep all the way until 2.30 am in the mornin..! had a quick call from FiE & continued sleepin from 4.30 all the way until noon.. hehe~ cool eh..? well, somebody's just jealous.. huh..!

anyway, stayed home for most part of the day & iDaDi came over to get some stuffs off the laptop.. had a last minute invite for dinner @ Komala's, Little India from GreGGy & sTeVe.. thank you so much GreGGy for not tellin me that you invited your co-workers along for dinner.. jeez..! we were suppose to meet at 7 & it got pushed to 7.30 & well, i decided that 8 would be a good time given the fact that iDaDi was still usin the laptop.. if i knew that their co-workers were there i wouldn't have delayed the time.. so basically, it's all GreGGy's fault [as usual].. hehe..~ i didn't know i was hungry.. maybe i wasn't hungry.. maybe i got influenced to order another set.. i don't know.. hehe~ i had Poori at first & those 2 silly Canadians had the Dosai.. then GreGGy ordered a set of Bhatura for himself & a set of Poori for sTeVe.. so upon seein that, my appetite grew & i decided to order a set of Bhatura for myself.. hehe~ yes, i was full.. well, it was followed by coffee at TCC.. now that made me really full..!

ok, enough about food.. i want to put up the pictures that is still pendin here but i'm just too lazy i guess.. oh well.. will update soon..

PART II

PART II


4th August 2006, Friday

finally..! TGIF..! i survived a week of work.. hehe~ btw, just a side note, i didn't proof-read my entries so i might have left a word or two out..

one thing's for sure, i'm goin to "pay back" for my lack of sleep tomorrow.. i hope my parents won't scream at me for wakin up late tomorrow.. hehe~ i didn't know workin in the CBD area could be so tirin but hey, it's worth it.. no wonder they are payin me that much.. the work load is not that bad but the fact that i'm on my feet most of the time, runnin in & out of the offices & i have to work on both the 30th & 31st floor, it makes my work load seems a lot.. heard the new staff is joinin us on the 14th.. hopefully when she comes in, my work is reduced a little so that i can concentrate on my trainin..

2nd August 2006, Wednesday

Happy Humpday..! it's wednesday everyone.. middle of the week which basically means there's 2 days left till the weekend..!

had my 1st formal meetin just now @ 6pm.. wow..! i felt completely out of place.. the ladies were talkin about things that i don't know about.. you know, the usual office scandals, politics & such.. amongst all, i like AuDReY the most.. she's approachable & funny.. every single thing that i say seems to be cute to her for some reason..! jeez..! quit that..! & yeah, today everyone was dressed in their best.. coincidence.. like JoaNNa had a pair of new shoes, HaJeRaH was wearin a new top, i was wearin a new suit & someone had a haircut.. anyway, the agenda of the meetin was with regards to the company's version 2 & soon-to-be updated website.. wasn't payin much attention to it because i was just too tired but what woke me up from my "subconscious" state was when i heard that they were goin to train us on the navigations of the site.. i'm pretty sure it's goin to be interestin..

i like workin there.. i like the fact that there is always somethin to do & there's no one breathin down my neck.. 3 days & already i've learn quite a number of things.. just a slight discomfort that i encounter is that everyone treats me like a "little lady".. that's how they like to put it as.. there's no one there who i can talk to comfortably.. there's this aura of seniority [& i'm talkin about the age gap between them & me] around each of them every time i try to strike a conversation.. in time, they will realise that they have used the wrong approach but all in all, i'm just glad that they are nice people.. did i mention that my feet is takin a toll from work..? it's all plastered now with blister pads & band-aids.. not to mention the effects of work on me AFTER office hours.. funny how my body knows that i've reached home because everyday without fail, after i've taken my shoes off & sit on my bed, the whole system just crashes..! that's when my eyes start to droop & my legs start to ache & my body just "dies" on me.. oh well.. that's me now.. hehehe..~

PART I

PART I


28th July 2006, Friday

today was "Tannin Good Times" @ Sentosa.. was a last minute plan actually.. went there with FiE, s|zZy & FFiZ.. throughly enjoyed myself as that was the first time in so many months that i was able to do somethin that i really enjoyed doin.. had breakfast at the interchange & then headed to Habourfront to get some stuffs from the supermarket.. we boarded the bus & we were off to the beach.. we went to Siloso, found a spot & got ready to splash.. unfortunately, the spot we got was "contaminated" with oil due to some spillage but that didn't deter us from enjoyin ourselves.. found another spot but it was a slightly more borin but we made the best of it.. i took lots of pictures but realised [when i got home] that they were all in small size.. sheesh..! it's ok.. there's always a next time..

had about 2 & a half hours of tannin.. NOT ENOUGH..! but like i said, next time.. love my skin now.. the result's as close to what i wanted.. had dinner @ the interchange.. FiE, s|zZy & me had Mee Soto & i think FFiZ had Fried Noodles or somethin & the silly name thing just had to occur.. hehehehehe~ sorry FiE.. they accompanied me on a quick shoppin trip for my work stuff.. got myself a pair of pants & another jacket.. ESPRIT mind you..! [it was a good deal, goin for 1/2 price.. how can i resist..?]

26th July 2006, Wednesday

i would like to share my happiness with everyone who is readin this.. i've got a job & if everythin goes well, i plan to make it my career.. i'm so exhilarated that i still can't believe that i've landed myself this job.. the position i'm holdin [or soon to be holdin] is not as glamourous as what some of my friends hold but i can assure you that if you happen to bump into me after office hours in an outfit you thought you'd never see me in, don't be alarmed.. hehe..

FiE's right.. i need to do major re-works to my wadrobe & i need a filled cabinet of new shoes.. he left the handbags part out but i think that's not important for now.. i'll be startin on the 31st & i really hope that everythin will run smoothly.. you can never know what can happen.. never really have worked in this line before, i will have to adapt to a very different environment & very different workin attitude.. i'm just afraid my dorkiness will be revealed on the first day of work but dorky or not, you guys will find out when i write an entry about it.. high tea anyone..? *WiNkZ*

hopefully with this new job, things will take a turn for the best.. no more cold wars, no more sarcasm being thrown about, no more conflicts.. finally, one of few wishes fulfilled..

never say goodbye..

never say goodbye..


the internet connection at home [once again] is down.. thank goodness i've checked my mails & did whatever is necessary before the connection died on me..

had dinner on monday [24th] with saadia, sarim, eron, rahmat, nurul, umair & steve.. wow..! i guess that was the biggest group i've went out with for dinner or such.. saadia's leavin on the 28th [don't remember if i mentioned that before in previous entries..] so the guys did this dinner for her.. was great..! well, there's food involve so it has to be great.. hehe~ we ate at Amirah's Grill down at Pahang Street.. somewhere in the vincinity of the Arab Street area.. we had a spread of Egytian/Middle Eastern dishes.. also had mushroom soup, 2 different types of dips, some garlic breads & variety of drinks.. oh, not forgettin dessert.. there was vanilla ice-cream & caramel pudding involved.. after stuffin ourselves with the food [thank goodness it wasn't too much] sarim ordered Teh Tarik for everyone & i ordered a mint tea instead since i don't drink Teh Tarik.. nurul & umair left early so that leaves the 6 of us [or rather 5] to finish the Teh Tarik..

was great fun hangin out with them.. i don't know them that well but they are a cool bunch.. too bad saadia has to leave but being someone who is very family-oriented, i'm sure she misses her family a lot.. i can understand how she feels..

something sparked off a sarcasm war between me & the old man at home.. once again, my patience is tested.. once again, i've to tolerate false accusations from him.. just recently, my mum started a cold war with me.. why..? beats me.. it's been almost a week since she's been doin this & now a tolerance test from my dad.. what's next..? things are lookin like they are back to square one.. what the heck is goin on..? *SIGH* just as i thought things are gettin better but i guess my thoughts are wrong.. i absolutely don't understand what is goin on around the house & ironically i'm at home most of the time.. i didn't even go for my check up today.. was unsure if i should ask my dad for some cash for the check up.. i mean, like i mentioned, there was a sarcasm war goin on.. hopefully everythin will end soon.. i F-ing hate it when shit like these happens.. it just spoils my day..

anyway, i have a job interview later at 3.30 @ Raffles Place.. kind of nervous about it.. please pray that everythin goes smoothly.. i really am in need of a job right now..

it's just emotions..

it's just emotions..


i had a chat with aDeK FiD the day before yesterday but unfortunately the conversation got cut off when a call came in.. it amazed me how emotionally smart she was, considering the fact that i don't let out a 100% of my thoughts into my entries.. yes, i do vent my anger out publicly & yes, i do shed my tears in the open without being seen but trust me, they are never fully expressed.. when she told me that i needed a companion through these times, i had to agree.. no matter how much i bluff myself that i can go through these periods alone, i don't deny that i need that other arm of support..

from the start, i saw & witnessed for myself how friends turned their backs against me because of my condition.. look at the number of people who suddenly 'emerged' with apologies & 'reasons' [more like excuses] for their disappearance..

"hey..! i heard you can walk.. so can we go out on a date now?"
"so how's the leg? great..! how does dinner tomorrow sound?"
"sorry i didn't visit you while you were in hospital.. was busy with some stuffs.."
"sorry i haven't been calling you.. didn't want to further upset you with my presence.."
"great to hear the cast is off.. do you still look the same or are you fatter now?"

those are just the few.. there's more but i don't want to go further.. it does hurt but hey.. it's human nature.. i can't go around pointin out people's flaws.. sorry if i hurt anyone with those remarks.. thanks aDeK for openin my eyes & makin me realise that i have to be true to myself..

anyway, i'm havin difficulties fallin in love.. really..! stupid & strange as it may sound, i definitely feel that i do.. there's a guy who i've known for slightly over 3 years.. i loved him once & i felt that i still do but when he came back into my life, it just felt different.. there's another guy who i've known for less than half a year but he seems to know me inside out.. he's sweet, considerate & lovin but i can't reciprocate the feelin.. another soul that i knew, he's like a lady's man.. suave & charmin but his sugar-coated words can't seem to move me..

i can get along well with these creatures but for some reason when they try to get closer beyond friendship, i get the chills.. you get what i'm tryin to say..? hey, they are great people who make great friends but that doesn't mean they would make great companions.. don't get me wrong here.. i'm still tryin to resolve this issue & find a solution to this setback.. i'm not out to hurt anyone's feelings [as i've mentioned many, many times before] but i'm just leavin my options open.. i'm not just goin to jump into a relationship with any Tom, Dick or Harry like i used to do.. hell no..!

oh darn it.. yet another long entry.. sorry guys.. hehe..

another long entry.. *SIGH*

another long entry.. *SIGH*


HAPPY 47TH & 55TH BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAREST MUM & MAMA..! may God bless you with more happiness.. LOVE YOU BOTH..

i got back from JB yesterday.. reached home quite close to 5, had dinner with my family & fell asleep while talkin to aYuL.. well, we both fell asleep at about the same time..

left on Sunday evenin with MuM.. thanks to HaiZiR, his mum & 2 sisters fetched us from our place & sent us to our JB house.. reached there at about 11 & was in total darkness.. hehe.. managed to open the door to the house [with much difficulties].. thank goodness i have cute, small hands.. haha..! anyway, after a quick shower, helped my mum rearrange the furniture & hang the curtains up.. made coffee & went to bed with my mum.. we fell asleep at about 5 in the mornin but MuM woke up at 7..! what was she thinkin..? i woke up at 10.30, took my shower & went down for late breakfast.. MuM already cooked lunch apparently.. we went to my aunt's place & slightly after noon, my uncle sent her to the bus interchange.. i lazed around at my aunt's place until evenin until NoRLy [HaiZiR's sister] msged me sayin that she was on the way to my place..

half an hour after she arrived, i was still cleanin up the kitchen.. hehe.. left my house quite close to 9 & we chatted a bit in the car while on the way to her place at Taman Daya.. reached there & HaiZiR's already up & was eatin in the kitchen.. he said i've become fat..! but i don't care.. hehe~ chilled with his family & all.. had satay, played nanny to his twin nephews, watched tv well, basically did nothin.. watched The Fast & Furious: Tokyo Drift with HaiZiR & then he left me alone & went to bed.. darn him.. couldn't sleep so flipped through the DVD album & got bored so i tried to sleep.. rolled over a couple of times & finally fell asleep..

the next day, i woke up just to find HaiZiR & one of the twins lookin down at me.. bloody shocker..! what a way to wake up..! that idiot..! apparently the whole household's already up so i decided to get my butt off the bed & head for the shower.. had brunch & waited for HaiZiR to shower & change & we headed back to s'pore.. it was rainin heavily [& i mean REALLY heavy..] when we left but alhamdullilah the journey back was smooth.. reached home & well.. you know what happened next.. SLEEP..!

hehe..~ noticed how many times the word "SLEEP" appeared in this entry..? really have been slackin.. oh well, what new..?

to draw the line..

to draw the line..


this is going to be a slightly lengthy entry.. bear with me people..

last saturday we went to the Johor house.. it was great fun as we witnessed the house being transformed into a [2nd] home.. they washed the floor & fixed stuff while i stayed in the kitchen to wash dishes & towels & prepared snacks.. talk about F&B.. in the late afternoon, the furniture came, the electrical appliances came & it was just lovely.. my uncle fixed the lighting "problem" so that we won't be in the dark that night..

i really love that house.. it's just so much more comfortable to live in compared to the previous house in Kuala Lumpur & it's not that difficult or far to get to the house..

pertaining to the trip, it has made me a little pissed off.. i went there to enjoy myself & relax, which i almost did, but the teasin & so-called "jokes" that my parents made got me a little mad.. he's my FRIEND.. just my FRIEND.. i'm sure i made myself really clear that there's nothin going on between us so why can't you guys just leave me alone..? stop botherin me with stupid remarks & comments.. i'm not tryin to be rude or anythin but it seems like a deja vu.. i've been through this while workin at O'Briens & i don't think i want to go through it again..

i've not talk to this FRIEND for a couple of days because i'm angry.. not because he was in the way while we were all up there at the Johor house like he thought.. i'm angry because people keep sayin that we're "together" when we're not & they keep teasin me about it.. i don't know who i should be mad at.. my family? him? or myself? my mum gave me a hard time yesterday & today about this issue.. i hate talkin about it.. i really, really F-ing hate to talk about it.. it gets on my nerves everytime she starts that conversation..

will somebody just save me from this torture..? i can't stand it.. i don't want to cut myself off from everyone but if that is what it takes to stop all these nonsence, then i shall have to do it..

movin away from this topic, i think i've made a mistake somewhere.. a BIG mistake.. i've got to clean it up soon or i'm going to hurt another person's feelin.. i'm going to need my thinkin corner now..

Mini Beach Day

Mini Beach Day




i had great fun today.. i went for a Mini Beach Day & thoroughly, thoroughly enjoyed myself..

had chocolate waffles with hazelnut ice-cream for breakfast, reached palawan & tried to do a walk to siloso.. hehehe.. madness..! reached the carpark & had iced tea at Coffeebean to cool off.. it was freakin hot i tell you..! decided to continue the journey to siloso by the mini-tram thing.. trekked through the hot sand to the beach & dipped my feet into the clear warm water.. refreshin as it has always been.. i miss the beach.. the waves, the sand, the breeze.. it felt like as if i'm recoverin from amnesia or somethin..

lunch, went to Delifrance & ordered my usual chicken crossaint sandwich & then headed to the Merlion & walked at the mosaic-tiled fountains.. had ice-cream & headed to the Carlsberg Sky Tower & had a 360 degrees view of the island & s'pore too.. breathtakin panoramic view [& scary too..] 110 metres tall tower with a 131 metres [above sea level] high view.. amazin don't you think..? then went to laze at the other Coffeebean with iced tea [again] & watched the view from there.. really didn't feel like movin away from that spot..

sittin there, the view of the sky, the trees.. really took my mind off other things.. a totally blank, worry-free mind.. well it probably does sound borin but once you've tried it, you'll want to do it again.. took the cable car back to mainland & it just felt like as if i was on it for the first time..

really had a great mini beach day.. thank you, my friend.. you know who you are.. thank you for making it happen.. i appreciate it..

Clairvoyance

My 150th Entry In This Blog


had a really fillin weekend.. oh, Happy Youth Day by the way.. hehe~ did a shoppin trip on saturday [not for myself though] & had crayfish pasta for dinner at the new moonfish restaurant at marina square.. yummy i tell you..

sunday i had a lunch date at bugis & walked around for a bit & then met sTeVe, Sa'aDia & SaRiM for Superman Returns.. no comments on that for now..

i went to the library today.. yes the National Library.. for some reason i just felt like going there.. weird.. i think i've found a book that is closely related to 'Clairvoyance'.. it's by Gabrielle Roth & entitled 'Connections: The Five Threads of Intuitive Wisdom'.. ahh.. another book to read.. how lovely..

anyway, on my way home, i met MeeRuL..! i was thinkin of him last night & there he was in front of me..! haha.. it was great to see him again.. miss him so much..! now the 3 of us can get together again [iDaDi, MeeRuL & me..!] like we did years ago.. hehe~ oh the memories.. he's a great buddy.. i still can't forget the look on his face when he saw me.. he still had that worried look on his face.. he just can't stop worryin, can he..? well, i'll go reminice now..

aDeK's 17th Birthday

aDeK's 17th Birthday


currently listenin to: Jason Mraz - Plane

Happy 17th Birthday to my one & only brother.. jeez you look older than you're supposed to.. well, have a great one..

went to JB yesterday with the usual suspects.. got to see my room.. my small, quiet room at the back of the house.. it may be small but i don't care because i like it like that.. we went to this home deco shop & it's now the next thing after IKEA in my list of places i will never get tired of going..! bought myself a pair of purple clip-on butterflies to clip on my curtains in my JB room.. found lots of candle holders, rattan baskets, candle burners & many other really, really cool [& cute] stuffs.. oh, & there's a cute guy who works there too.. hehehe~ *WiNkZ*

anyway, i'm still not over the fact that i blasted in my blog last week.. i feel bad.. like as if i've offended some people.. but hey, i've already apologised so..?

i'm back on my job-huntin thingy so if you guys could help me out, it'll be really great.. any openings & stuff, do keep me posted, yeah..?

contemplatin on cuttin my hair.. & i mean cuttin it really short.. what do you think? should i keep it until shoulder length or should i cut it really short, just below my ears..? HaiZiR's tellin me to cap it to the shoulders but i thought of snippin it all the way below the ears.. he says it's "unfeminine" of me & he "can't imagine" me with short hair.. hehehehe~ so now i need [a] second opinion[s]..

my apologies..

my apologies..


currently listenin to: Wyclef Jean feat. Mary J. Blige - 911

i'm so sorry if i hurt anyone with the previous entry.. i just couldn't contain my anger & at that point of time, pennin it down was the only SAFE thing i could think of & do.. i really felt like punchin someone in the face [or better still, in the guts] but unfortunately i couldn't.. i wanted to scream but again, i couldn't because if i did i'll get into another quarrel with my DaD & i don't want that to happen now that the father-daughter relationship has been mended.. & it would have been unfair to him if i did it.. i mean, he broke the bad news in a really nice way & for me to scream at him or anyone else is not the right thing to do.. anyone in their sensible mind should know that.. once again, i'm really, really sorry..

anyway, a HAPPY 26TH ANNIVERSARY to my parents.. how nice.. 26 years, 26th of the 6th month in 2006.. & 26 is my favourite number.. goin out for a celebration dinner.. well, we're celebratin my DaD & aDeK's birthdays as well so it's a 3-in-1 dinner..

let me just let out my disappointment in yesterday's match between Portugal & Holland.. i'm upset that Holland didn't qualify but what upsets me more is the game that was just SO HORRIBLE..! pushin & shovin, yellow cards, RED CARDS?? what in the world is goin on..?? that was the first time i've witnessed such a horrible, horrible game..! that just puts my fights with my girl friends' boyfriends [won't mention names here..] to shame..! i dislike the referee.. is he high on drugs? what did he inhale before the game? he seemed to enjoy givin out those coloured cards.. i think he wasn't in the right state of mind or maybe he's a fake? jeez..! whatever the reason is, i don't like him.. & Holland.. i just can't find the right words to say it.. correct me if i'm wrong but do i sense a lack of team togetherness/team spirit? i just didn't feel it.. it was like as if they were 11 perfect strangers who've only met for the very first time.. i really don't know what to say..

for those who watched the game, you should know what i'm crappin abt.. for those who didn't, try clickin on FIFA or STARHUB

FUCK.. & I MEAN IT

FUCK.. & I MEAN IT


I'M MAD.. I'M FUCKIN MAD..! YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?? HERE'S WHY.. MY PATIENCE HAS ALMOST COMPLETELY REACHED ITS LIMITS.. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF YOU THINK THIS ENTRY IS FUCKIN FULL OF FUCK BECAUSE I DON'T CARE.. I DON'T FUCKIN CARE..! READ ON IF YOU WANT TO.. FUCK OFF IF YOU FUCKIN FEEL IT'S A FUCKIN WASTE OF TIME..!

FUCK, IT'S 24TH OF JUNE..! I'M SUPPOSED TO BE IN FUCKIN PHUKET RIGHT NOW.. THAT'S RIGHT..! PHUKET..!, FUCKIN ENJOYIN MYSELF BUT NO..! MY FUCKIN LEGS JUST HAVE TO BE SO FUCKIN SICK & THAT MEANS I CAN'T FUCKIN TRAVEL..! IT'S NOT MY FUCKIN FAULT THAT THE FUCKIN DOCTORS INSIST THAT I STAY IN THE FUCKIN BODY CAST FOR A FUCKIN 3 MONTHS..! OH RIGHT.. IT WAS MY FUCKIN FAULT THAT I HAD TO FUCKIN FALL.. I MIGHT AS WELL FUCKIN DIED IN THAT FUCKIN FALL..!

OH HECK..! WHO CARES ANYWAY..? WELL FUCKIN NO ONE..! WHO WILL GIVE A FUCK TO THE FUCKIN GIRL IN THE FUCKIN CAST WHO CAN'T FUCKIN WALK??? no FUCKIN one I TELL YOU..! FIRST I CAN'T FUCKIN GO TO SCHOOL & THEN I'M TOLD THAT I CAN'T FUCKIN WORK UNTIL I'VE FUCKIN FULLY RECOVERED.. & NOW I CAN'T FUCKIN TRAVEL?? WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO FUCKIN DO?? ROT & DIE IN MY FUCKIN, STINKIN ROOM??

TODAY I HAD PLANNED OUT A "SIBLINGS DAY" BUT IT GOT FUCKIN RUINED.. THOUGHT I'D FUCKIN GO HAVE MY HAIR CUT TODAY BUT THAT GOT FUCKIN RUINED TOO..! SO I GOT EXCITED BECAUSE I FUCKIN THOUGHT I COULD AT LEAST GET TO SEE THE HOUSE IN JOHOR NOW THAT IT'S FUCKIN READY BUT FUCKIN NO..! THAT GOT RUINED TOO..! EVEN THE FUCKIN PLAN TO GO TO THE CHALET GOT FUCKIN CANCELLED BECAUSE OF THE FUCKIN JOHOR TRIP THAT NEVER FUCKIN HAPPENED..! & GUESS WHAT? I JUST REALISED I'M FUCKIN BROKE BECAUSE OF THE FUCKIN HOPITAL BILLS & MY HANDPHONE IS STILL FUCKIN STUCK WITH THE SHOP & I CAN'T FUCKIN DO ANYTHIN ABOUT IT..!

3 FUCKIN MONTHS I'VE TOLERATED BEING CAST AWAY BY PEOPLE I CALLED & THOUGHT WERE MY FRIENDS.. 3 FUCKIN MONTHS I'VE ENDURED BEING BY MYSELF, KNOWIN THAT EVERYTHIN HAPPENED FOR A FUCKIN REASON.. NOW IT FUCKIN FEELS LIKE THERE'S NOTHIN FUCKIN WORTH TO LOOK FORWARD TO.. 3 FUCKIN MONTHS I'VE TRIED TO BE FUCKIN STRONG, TRIED TO FUCKIN PULL MYSELF TOGETHER THROUGH THIS FUCKIN ORDEAL BUT I GUESS TODAY I HAVE TO FUCKIN LET EVERYTHIN GO & FUCKIN FALL INTO THIS FUCKIN STATE..

IF YOU FUCKIN THINK THAT I'M MAKIN A BIG FUCKIN FUSS OVER THESE, THEN THINK AGAIN.. TRY BEING IN MY FUCKIN SHOES, BEING FUCKIN STUCK AT HOME, CAN'T FUCKIN WALK & FRIENDS LEAVIN YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE FUCKIN SICK & STUCK IN A FUCKIN BODY CAST.. NOBODY FUCKIN LOVES ME ANYMORE.. NOBODY FUCKIN CARES..

OH FUCK LOVE..! I HATE BEING FUCKIN ME..! I REALLY WISHED I HAD FUCKIN DIED IN THE FUCKIN FALL..!

emotional rants..?

emotional rants..?


currently listenin to: George Michael & Mary J Blige - Always

my whole body's achin.. probably from the physiotherapy that i had last tuesday.. my deflector shield's gone now so be totally prepared for the grumpy, easily-annoyed, short-tempered me but it's probably temporary because of the new changes that my body is tryin to adapt to once again..

had a "sisters' day out" [well not quite..] & i had great fun just being outdoors with my sister although we didn't get to go shoppin like we had planned initially.. will make up for it.. maybe will have a "siblings weekend" this saturday.. hehehe~

my insticts were right.. that girl aZMaN was with IS his ex-fiancee.. thanks HaiZiR for confirmin my suspicions.. jeez.. i know how much she hates me but he could have told me that they got back together rather than just ignore my msgs.. if he had told me, i would have backed off like i did a few years ago.. what was he thinkin, leavin me in the dark like that? he should know better that i will know these things whether or not i was told but no matter what, i hope things will work out between them once again..

speakin of HaiZir, he's put me in charge of the BinTan TriP.. *SiGh* this is what happens when you have a friend who works his ass off & doesn't have time to look up information for these things.. BUT, on the bright side, i get to go for free..! the trip's on him if i can plan it out nicely.. khehehe~ i really don't know what goes on in his head.. he must be really crazy.. wait a minute.. what am i sayin? most of my friends ARE crazy so i guess that's pretty normal.. oh well, i shall continue my quest to plan out the BinTan TriP.. [please be reminded that i have nvr travelled outside of s'pore with the exception of m'sia..]

i received a call from Nokia Care & they told me that it'll cost me a freakin $150 to get my phone repaired..! where the f*ck am i going to get that money?? i knew i should have bought a new handphone 2 months ago.. i love my 7610 & it's hard for me to replace it with a new one.. gosh.. solutions anyone?

Good Bye my CasTy-McWraPs-a-LoT..

goodbye my CasTy-McWraPs-a-LoT


currently listenin to: Alicia Keys ft. Usher - If I Ain't Got You

we have been together for quite a while now.. through rain & shine, through ups & downs, you've always been there for me & stood by [erm.. with] me.. i can't believe that we have to part.. you've held me up & gave me support through this hard time.. it gives me great pain to see you being taken away from me.. when i saw you standin there all by yourself, it makes me so sad knowin that we shall never see each other again.. you shall be missed & do know that you will always be in my thoughts & i will never ever forget you.. good bye my beloved CasTy-McWraPs-a-LoT a.k.a "CorSeT"..

WooHoo..! at long last..! i'm FREE..!!! ahh.. you don't know how relieved & overjoyed i am today.. why? because it's De Custard Day..! but the sad news is that MuM's not lettin me go to school until october.. i'll try to talk to her & see if she'll change her mind.. i mean, i can't afford to delay my studies.. i've already missed this term's classes & if i missed next term, it simply means i'll be graduatin in june 2007..! talk about being a professional student..!

oh yes, aZiLaH's weddin.. almost forgot about that.. yeah, i went to her weddin with iDaDi & sTeVe.. we didn't take a lot of photos that day.. it was like an anxiety thingy.. when i saw her, in her dress, i was just so stunned & so happy that takin photos were really the last thing on my mind.. i'm so happy for her.. she's now married..! [i still can't believe it..] congratulations my dear..

ode to my sister


currently listenin to: Jason Mraz - Please Don't Tell Her

i don't believe this.. another 3 more days?? haha..!~ please, please, pretty PLEASE remove the cast.. it's wearin me out..! & you want to know somethin? i'm 56 kg with the cast..! it's either the cast weighs between 4 to 6 kg OR i've put on weight..

guess i'm the only SinGLes_OuT who is still single.. sweet! it shall remain that way.. it feels so ironic though.. one of these days i'll explain why..

i just want to say that i'm very, very proud of my sister.. through this hard time, she probably doesn't realise it but she has been such a great daughter & sister.. that is why i love her so much.. yes she complains & grumbles when i ask her for favours but that's pretty normal between us.. she cleans our room herself [when normally we would share the chore], she cooks, cleans the house, the laundry & does other stuffs too.. she deserves the overnight bbq & she should fully enjoy herself.. i'm really glad i have her for my sister.. my cute, adorable sister..

sympathy card


currently listenin to: Craig David - Unbelievable

darn it.. my feet hurts.. the right foot's swellin.. it has been a very busy week for me.. *SiGh* heck..! it doesn't bother me really.. was just pullin out a sympathy card.. haha!~

aZiLaH's weddin will be in a couple of days' time.. i'm really lookin foward to being there.. gosh.. i wonder who i'll bump into at the weddin.. probably some past ex-es & crushes & those other guys but i don't really care.. i hope to see those old school friends that i've not met.. i should prepare a "it-definitely-is-not-my-turn-next" speech just in case..

i love my mOtherS.. they know me so well that i sometimes think they have physic powers.. Sayang MuM & MaMa..! MuM gave me some ideas for my BeaCh Day.. she got me some stuffs for BeaCh Day too.. cool..! now i'm just waitin for BaBa's "clear-to-go" permit..

hey..! i've missed you my friend..! i'm glad to know everythin worked out well for school.. i'm really happy to hear about your pendin new job too.. guess you must be feelin excited about it eh..? still have a lot to ask & tell you but i just don't know where to start..! maybe i was just surprised when you acknowledged my presence.. thank you so much.. *MuakZ!*

my baby 7610 is still unwell but high chances i'll be bringin it in for servicin later.. can't wait for De Custard Day..! 5 days & countin..

family fun/egocentricity


currently listenin to: Shirley Bassey - (Where Do I Begin) Love Story

how nice.. the whole family was in front of the tv watchin the sweden match.. MuM's the most enthusiastic one.. wow..! i'm surprised she knows & recognises Beckham.. hehe~ so cute.. anyway, was so happy & proud to see that the referee for that match was a Singaporean Malay.. way to go..!

just somethin that i wanted to add on to my entry & off my mind.. some people really need to take a good look at themselves & listen to what they are talkin about to other people.. i have to admit, we humans have a tendency to be egocentric & self-centered but too much of it really can be annoyin.. some are just too blinded to even notice that they are being told of their self-centeredness..! these people are usually not sensitive to other people's feelings & that hurts.. to make it worse, some even enjoy talkin about themselves a lot..! really so sad..

& there are those who try very hard to fit in by pretendin to be someone they are not.. why can't you just be yourself? afraid society will not be able to accept you? afraid that you will be labelled as 'The Outcast'? maybe you have personality issues.. seek professional help, please..

please take a minute to ponder & if you feel that you are like one of the above [or both], do bear in mind that others [family & friends] are human & have feelings too.. you are not the only one livin in this world.. please be considerate.. thank you..

my other darlin 'J'


currently listenin to: Misha Omar - Bunga-Bunga Cinta

i missed the england match but it's ok.. got my channel 27 so that means i get to watch the holland match tomorrow..! yeah..! kind of just got back from MI:3.. it was a nice movie but i still don't get the plot.. *thinks hard* jonathan rhys-myers is SuPeR-uBBeR CuTe..! especially when he spoke italian.. *drools*

sad news.. the kitty that Dave picked out for me to kitty-sit died.. a very tragic, tragic news.. i couldn't eat my waffle when i heard it but i thought of how peaceful it was now with God & that my waffle will turn soggy if i didn't finish it, i kind of got over it.. but i still am devastated with the news.. reminded me of the first kitten that i brought home.. it was really, really young & the eyes were still closed..! i can still remember it being the size of my palm [that was how small it was..!].. i took it home with me & tried to feed it milk but it died the following day.. i cried for almost 3 days & didn't forgive myself for its death.. from then on, i told myself that for every kitten that i brought home, i will give it my extra attention..

match is on.. later..

great 1st match..!


currently listenin to: Antonio Banderas - Bella Maria De Mi Alma

yeah germany won.. hehe.. great start..! it was borin though because i watched it alone.. *SiGh* but it's all good BUT now i have to wait a few days for channel 27.. darn it..! holland match tomorrow @ 9pm.. where can i watch it? i missed MI:3 yesterday because of a silly fever but will make up for it today.. my "favourite" grandaunt is comin today.. oh boy.. another drama awaits..

my dear 7610 is broken.. it has gone "blind".. *sob sob* need to send it for servicin & probably will get aYuL to help me with that or if she's too lazy, FauZi's volunteered to help me.. was so glad to hear him soundin more cheerful last night.. it's much better than the wednesday conversation when he sounded really, really upset.. cheer up my friend.. it's not the end of the world..

my thoughts & advice always comes from my initial gut feelings.. it sometime freaks people out & i can't figure out why.. hmm.. *scratches head*

another 10 more days till De Custard Day.. yippie..!

CT scan


currently listenin to: Jason Mraz - Bella Luna

hehehehe~ the CT scan this mornin was ok.. the room wasn't as pure white as the previous room when i had 1st my scan.. the nurse was nice too so everythin went well..

i miss my friend.. my far, far away friend.. wonder how's my friend doin now.. hopefully he's completed his studies already.. we've not heard from each other for more than a week.. *SiGh*

i miss my Singles_Out girls too.. i wonder how they are right now.. so near yet so far..

i miss D' Radio.. i miss hearin myself on air.. *that's my egocentric side talkin*

i miss RaJa & ZaLi.. my DiVa-licious "sisters".. they never fail to make me laugh my heart out.. busy with work eh? we shall find time to meet up for coffee.. i'll make sure of that..

i miss so many things..! thank goodness i don't miss myself too..! *yet another statement from the egocentric me* hehe~ now i tire easily & need lots of rest & sleep so i might not be online at night as often as usual.. my arms are achin a lot more than normal & my feet's plain lazy.. it sleeps & sleeps & complains of pain at times.. like as if i am goin to listen to it whine.. huh..

watched X-MEN III & i like it a lot [did i mention that today was MY egocentric day..?] *how nice..!* i wonder if they are goin to come up with another sequel..? well, anyway tomorrow will be MI:3.. just catchin up on my movie watchin.. it has been a long time.. i want to take this opportunity to say thank you to the guy at the cinema.. that was such a thoughtful thing you did & i shall make it a point to consider GV Marina as my 1st choice when i feel like watchin a movie.. good, friendly & thoughtful staff..

check up


currently listenin to: Ne-Yo - So Sick

yesterday.. check up.. everythin went very, very well considerin the fact that it was 060606 & i heard people sayin that it's not such a good day.. ah heck..! i don't really care.. thank you FauZi for comin to the hospital & accompanyin me throughout the therapy.. i really, really appreciate it.. *MuakZ!*

i loved dinner.. enjoyed myself a lot.. the silly conversations & the [normal] huge amount of food but yesterday's food order wasn't that large actually.. it was ok.. i'm surprised that not many people noticed it but it's all good.. hehehe~ hey..! we didn't take pictures..! that's SO wrong..!

tomorrow i have a ct scan appointment @ 10 in the mornin.. oh boy.. big white machine in a big white room.. scary.. 13 more days to De Custard Day & countin down as usual.. hooray..! khehehe.. i could be a professional counter or somethin..

my collections..


currently listenin to: Mary J Blige - Be Without You

yeah..! i've got The Nanny Diaries..! thanks sTeVe.. hehe~ i suddenly realise that i have stacks of books on my table & most of them have already been read.. oh heck.. i can start a library..! this excessive readin is good actually especially for me right now.. i tend to run out of ideas about what to do around the house & readin helps me pass my time..

my bears had a shower yesterday & were sun-tannin outside my window.. khehe~ here's group pictures of them..



i think i should take a picture of my books next.. maybe i should start a hobby of collectin things.. *monotonously* ha ha..

to LOVE or to be IN LOVE?


currently listenin to: Eve - No, No, No

did i mention i despise most of the guys in the whole wide world? let me make it clear now.. I HATE YOU IDIOTIC CREATURES..! i hope you all will die an insufferable death, may your carcass rot beyond recognition & hopefully nobody gives a damn about your demise..!

i received a phone call from aLeXiS who told me she saw aZMaN with another girl.. i don't know.. a part of me says 'That's great..' yet another part of me fell into a despair shock.. 1st he disappeared & next thing i hear he's with another girl.. *in a mockin tone* haha.. whatever.. at least i'm content to know he's still alive..

to be in love & to love are 2 different things.. guess i was just lovin him & not in love with him.. well, i love practically everyone i know be it family or friends.. thinkin back, i've made mistakes by claimin that i was in love with someone when in true reality i just love that person like how my true lovin self always does.. when was i ever in love? i don't know.. maybe i don't deserve to be in love..

i rest my case..

3 more days to check up..

progress


currently listenin to: Michael Buble - The Way You Look Tonight

Barbara Vine - Gallowglass
Lennox Morrison - Second Chance Tuesday

DONE..! it took me 2 days to finish both books & i'm workin on my re-readin of Yann Martel's 'Life of Pi'.. i got my sister to go hunt for 'The Nanny Diaries' for my next read but i don't know if she remembers..

yesterday eFNi darlin' sent me a forwarded SMS.. it says: If I have only 15 sec to live, wat wud u say to me in tat 15 sec?

all the replies i got..! you should read some of them.. there was a friend who said, "i'd say, 'can i have your stuffs?'" & another friend who was taken aback who said, "um. R u serious? What's with the ridiculous qns? I'd prob say 'don't be scared everything will be ok we'll meet again soon' then probably jus remain quiet" but the best one came from my very own sister.. she said,"Mengucap.. Mengucap..!" hehehe~ the rest were really sweet ones.. the "i love you" & "you're one in a million.." anyway, thanks guys.. check out eFNi's blog.. she has quirky ones too..

it a wonder the number of people who actually asked about me.. i mean i barely know them.. thank you, though, for askin.. that's really thoughtful of you.. i'm doin fine thank you.. recoverin as expected, slow & steady.. i do hope to get out of this cast on the 6th.. hopeful but not pinnin on it.. sad isn't it..? i wished DavE a "Happy Birthday" hours ago.. apparently he's 2* this year & i shall look after a kitten for him as a birthday present.. how about that? it's a win-win situation.. he gets to choose the kitty & i get to look after it.. once a while i could bring it over to DavE or somethin since [technically] it is his kitten.. cool eh? hehehe~

i might be goin on air today.. it's been a while.. i miss the radio..! too bad for the stuffed nose but what the heck..! i'll go on air anyway..

& all falls down


i must have done or said somethin.. or else this won't be happenin.. i hate it when a friendship is affected over a silly action.. gosh how i wish i didn't send you that thing i wrote for you.. it's harmless.. really.. i meant to say that i treasure our friendship a lot & that you are a special friend.. that's it.. i'm so sorry if i hurt you in any way..

hope to hear from you soon..

8 more days to check up..

lets's ponder..


see, maybe after readin some of the recent entries some of you readers might think that there is someone in my life right now or maybe a someone who is more then just a friend.. almost right but nope.. at first i thought he could probably be THE ONE but after some time, i realise that he makes a great friend rather than a special somebody.. yes, he makes me happy everytime we talk but that is just it.. when the day is just about to end for us, i look foward to talkin to him as he always listens & loves to share.. it is a 2 way thing between us & i really enjoy his virtual company.. given his different cultural ways, the way he approaches some issues really facinates me [not sayin that our local guys are borin..] & it makes me want to know him more.. but just to let it be known, he used to occupy a certain special place in my mind & in my heart but now i have realised that we are only friends & i would love for it to stay that way..

10 more days to check up..

lookin back, there are many things that i have learnt from the whole incident.. maybe i have mentioned it before but it was just somethin that i remembered.. there is no one else but myself to be blamed for this accident as the carelessness had come solely from me.. had i not rushed, looked at where i was going & not SMS while runnin down the stairs, i would not have landed in this condition.. runnin down the stairs?? what was i thinkin?? hehehe~

deviatin from this subject, i would like to share a little thought with everyone..

it is better to just let go of the past & carry on with life.. no point in reproachin ourselves & believe that we are to be blamed for all the misgivings that has happened throughout life's journey.. reach out to all things positive & use the past mistakes as a guideline in our daily approach.. nobody makes the same mistakes twice unless blinded by circumstances.. give yourself a chance, be optimistic, learn to open up, free yourself from unnecessary burden & all will be good..

frustratin!!


AARRGGHH..!!

don't do this to me..! i still hear him being mentioned again..! i have to surrender.. i can't take it anymore.. he is my friend so why do i feel hurt & jealous at the mention of him? my telepathy friend has somewhat become my worst nightmare now.. yes, it is frustratin.. i feel like i've been thrown into some kind of a depression cell or something.. it's always one feelin after another.. damn it..

here i am.. sittin in a daze, waitin for the duly image to appear.. blink, icon.. BLINK..! c'mon..! i don't have all night..

another 11 days to the medical check up..

Ik mis je..

slowin down


i guess i was just over-reactin to things.. i should probably start thinkin with more realistic figures.. slow down, my dear girl.. he's not goin anywhere..

how nice of you to imagine me cookin & then waitin for you at the doorstep at 5pm when you come home from work.. that really is a nice & creative way to put it.. thanks a lot..

anyway, my parents have got the keys to the new house.. time to plan out my room structure.. this is goin to be great.. i actually have 2 rooms technically.. the one on the ground floor & i get to share a room on the 2nd floor with aYuL.. sweet..! well, the bottom one's fully mine so i think i'm goin to unleash the feminine me & make the room look pretty & sweet.. khehehe...

i've got news about school too.. great news that i hope will help me reduce my time in school [sounds so prison-like.. hehe~].. somehow, i would need to get hold of a copy of my Medical Cert from CGH.. i wonder if it's possible?

i'm just confused..


just digressin from all topics of discussion.. i think my floatin bubble is about to burst pretty soon & i can feel my feet almost touchin home base.. guess i'm gettin a reality check here..

i just wish that there was someone like you here but unfortunately, it doesn't work that way.. you see, we can't always get what we want.. today seemed very distant & for some reason i sensed that you were distracted with somethin.. the abrupt good night & good bye.. & i forgot to let you know that i have missed you over the weekend..

you really touched me when you actually took the time to read the silly journal entry that no one has even bothered to look at due to its lengthy content.. you could understand it & even explained to me what was written & i haven't even asked for your thoughts on it.. you even remembered & asked how my grandma was.. how can i not like you?

sometimes it gets confusin.. my dear, i am not in love with you if that is what you want to know.. i like you & maybe you like me so let's just leave it as that.. i can't be in love with you!! maybe not for now.. it's the bloody freakin distance that is makin it less possible.. i jolly well know [& have learnt from mistakes] that when dealin with matters of the heart, we have to be realistic about everythin be it time, distance or even career..

sometimes i wish everythin was easy but i guess it's tough luck for me.. 11 months & countin..

the Sunday trip


yesterday went to Johor with MuM, MaMa, UncLe & the 2 rascals.. khehe.. had lunch at Aska the Japanese restaurant @ Hyatt Regency.. Japanese food is really a stranger to me.. i had a rough idea of what to have but it totally was not of any use to me.. MuM & me, we had garlic rice with chicken, mackerel, beef & soft tofu, egg & mushroom.. YUCK i tell you..! the meat was sweet, the egg was half cooked & the mackerel was bone-ful..! it's not somethin i'd like for lunch.. well, next we went to the sushi bar & picked out some sushi munchies.. oh gosh.. i almost ate the one with the roe but the sushi's not so bad except it left this raw taste in my mouth.. i was squirmin in my seat every time i bit into the raw meat.. hehe~ then i headed straight for the mini desert.. i grabbed a slice of chocolate fudge cake, some eclairs & the chocolate tarts.. MuM had the honeydew pudding, strawberry jelly & cheese slice.. yummy..!

after all that, MaMa, UncLe & the 2 rascals joined us from their lunch at the coffeehouse.. we ordered the real DESERT.. The Tutty Fruity a.k.a The Devil in Disguise..! khehehe~ it's a 30-40 cm tall glass with multiple scoops of ice-cream with strawberries & papaya cubes in it..! just think of Swensen's Earthquake.. that's how large it was..! now THAT is YUMMY..!



after all that, my mothers decided to go to Angsana & we spent a lot of time there walkin around & they bought some stuffs.. next stop was this shoppin centre that i've forgotten the name.. we went to this shop that sold frames, mirrors & decoration stuffs.. They bought more stuffs there & then we went to this boutique just 3 shops away.. the 1st rascal & i bought a pretty cute top.. well, it's more like a jacket/blazer.. don't really know what to call it..

got home quite close to midnight.. imagine..! from 8am all the way until 12mn..! crazy..! & so that was how i spent my sunday..

grandma..


i was just talkin to her last tuesday & now she's really ill.. down with food poisonin.. imagine being waken up at 8 in the mornin with the news of your one & only grandma being really sick..? how does that make you feel? i really hope she gets better.. i've got no other grandparents besides her & she's such a darlin.. well, most grandparents are, aren't they..?

so here i am by myself & the 2 rascals, who are literally never at home, which technically makes me all alone at home.. no worries.. all the skills i've learnt & picked up while being in this state of limited mobility will not go to waste... hehehe~ i can move around by myself.. get food & stuff.. watch tv.. washroom.. those i can do.. NO PROBLEM..!

i was surprised.. you remembered that small detail in our conversation & we spoke of that like a week ago.. nobody would remember a thing like that.. that's how sweet & thoughtful you are.. take care, good luck for the tournament & yes, i will miss you over the weekend.. thank you also for listenin to me last night.. i really appreciate that..

shocked..!


guess who msged me yesterday? khehehe~ it was FaiZaL [sYeD].. sad but true.. oh well.. he asked the usual "how are you?", "what are you doin?" kind of questions.. nothin special.. thanks for being thoughtful though..

18 days to checkup.. WooHoo..! really can't wait..

MaMa is goin to bring us out this sunday.. another chance at breathin in the outside air again.. well, not that there is any much difference but it's good to go out sometimes.. i feel like window shoppin while out but i don't know.. i've lost touch with the so-called "trend" nowadays.. khehehe..

anyway, i fear that i might end up single for a long, long time.. i'm not really enjoyin it & by 'it' i mean singlehood.. how long has it been? let me see.. erm.. WoW..! 9 freakin months..! that's a record for me.. khehehe~ i miss havin someone who i can share my days, my woes & my joys with but i guess that has got to wait.. who would want me right now anyway..? i mean, a girl in a body cast & rides in a wheelchair? jeez.. get real..! so, there you go.. me & my blabbin again..

you think i'm cute..
you think i'm a little crazy..
you think i'm brave..
you say i'm beautiful..

all i can say to you is that you are all the above, not me.. you have made an impact in my life.. somehow, you did.. i never get tired of our conversations no matter how difficult it could be for us [sometimes] to understand.. i wish to wake up now but you keep holdin me back.. i want to snap back to the real world.. i can try to make the impossible happen but what if it doesn't..? there will be a risk involved here & i'm talkin about broken hearts, my dear..

again, i count down..


21 more days to my next check up..! i really can't wait.. this time i'm confident that the cast will be removed & hopefully i don't have to use the wheelchair anymore.. i know i'm able to walk pretty soon.. then i can go back to school, get a job, save up & go for a long holiday to a far away place.. just FYI, i'm not walkin yet.. still in wheechair..

maybe iDaDi's comin over this saturday.. so many things that we might need to go over together.. i'll try to help in whatever way possible, my dear..

we won't be hearin from each other for the next 2 days but it's ok.. i have other things to do too.. just hope that you don't overwork yourself & btw, about the soccer match this comin weekend, gd luck to you..! i'm sure you will win the match this time round... *WiNkZ*

Happy Mothers' Day


to all mothers everywhere.. to all mothers i know.. i LOVE you ladies..

i hate it when the weekend comes.. it just means i have to live through 2 quiet nights.. quiet nights are good actually but it gives me this anxiety problem especially on sunday.. can't wait for monday to come..! not that it's so far away.. hehehe~ it's tomorrow..!

anyway, yes i have changed my background music yet again.. far away.. that's where you are..

Laila Isabella


yes.. it did bring back memories.. i do like Laila Isabella but it just reminds me so much of aZMaN & it doesn't help that Rosyam Nor's character's name was "AzaM".. all the fun & crazy times we spent.. how we actually managed to even broach the topic of likin each other.. hehe~ that was funny.. how we so-called "accidentally" held each others hand but because we were "pretendin" we were celebratin valentines' day, it was considered ok.. oh those memories..!

BUT it's ok.. *WiNkZ* i shall sleep over it.. someone else has been busy occupyin my mind anyway so i'm sure i'm goin to be ok just that i need to stop floatin & do a reality check at some point soon.. hehe~ i'm goin to miss you today..

you got me there, baby..


i can't wait.. khehehe~ i think i will have to start a countdown for you then but it won't start anytime from now.. that'll take too long.. probably when i start my school term.. how about that?

anyway, i wrote a long letter to you & about you.. i'm not one who will verbally say it so i penned it down.. i wonder if you will ever get to read it.. some of my friends say that i'm crazy but sadly, i have to agree with them because you have driven me nuts..! why? i really don't know.. if i had the answer, i'd probably be with you now.. oh well..

Laila Isabella is showing later at 9:30.. i don't know if i should watch it.. it'll bring back memories of aZMaN & me.. not that it's goin to make me weep or anythin but some memories are best left forgotten.. the similarities in the story are really impeccable.. well, minus the part where Nasha Aziz finds out that Rosyam Nor is a rich fella.. this is the closest movie that one can watch if you want to know how our friendship was like..

hhmmm..


i think i love you. period.

erm.. help?


i don't know.. i feel like as if my privacy has been invaded & my movements are being watched.. I WANT MY BREATHIN SPACE..! even my parents don't do these to me.. jeez..!

you made me smile again yesterday.. i'm sorry i wasn't able to prolong our chat but let it be known that the few minutes that we spent means a lot to me.. till next time, my dear one..

just got news, 21st is the Perdana Semis.. still waitin for aZiLaH's reply..

smile..


you never fail to make me smile..

i kindda woke up at 3-ish just now & thought i'd have a glass of water & head back to bed but i just had this naggin feelin that i had to log in.. you were there..! & yes, i missed you too..! it was so sweet of you to hold on, with the assumption that i will be online at some point, although we both know that it's impossible to know when either of us will be online.. you don't know how much it meant to me when you acknowledged my presence.. you are the GREATEST..! i'm sure by now you do know that you are.. *sMiLe* please tell me it's not a dream because you're too good to be true & if it really is a dream, i don't want to wake up from it..

stop it eh..


why must i feel jealous everytime someone mentions him? [& i'm not talkin abt the '10,491 kilometers-far-away' him] he's like my bloody freakin friend for goodness' sake..! i've always think of him as a friend but of late i've been filled with jealousy everytime i know he's being mentioned by other people.. WTF?? i've gotta overcome this crappiness..

got news abt my iDaDi & her future plan that's hauntin her right now.. *SiGh* like some people say, some things just don't happen as we plan them to be.. i'm really happy for you, my girl.. first is aZiLaH & then it's you.. guess i should be next in line huh? khehehe~ amongst the 3 of us, i'm the eldest & like we planned & forseen, i should be the one to go 1st but it seems like you girls are way ahead of me.. oh well.. what can one do..? i just hope whatever happens, we won't part again because i don't think i want to wait 2 to 6 years to see you girls again.. you girls are just too precious to lose..

too bad i'm not really ready for another relationship or i could have joined my girls.. khehehe.. call me fussy, call me fickle but there's no one right now who can actually make me feel on cloud 9 like how i used to & those who can are always the ones who are impossible to be with.. jeez.. what is SO BLOODY wrong with me? khehehe~

votin day..!


1st things 1st, just ignore my previous entry.. i think i was high on somethin.. either that or i was just in my usual insomnic state.. hehe~

anyway, yes people.. it's votin day..! i woke up at like 8am from my 7am sleep thanks to my dad who insisted on being one of the early birds.. jeez.. it was pretty easy & quick too [like duh!] & since there was no one else in queue, it took us about 2 minutes to cast our votes.. why can't they just let us vote by sms? save all the hassle of goin down from my house.. sheesh..

i managed to rekindle my friendships with a lot of my long-lost friends.. aZiLah, iDaDi, WaDy, AnDy, MaMaT, NoRa, HaFiDz & others more.. isn't that great..? well, there are certain people & things in life that we tend to overlook & take for granted & when we actually realise what is actually happenin, there's no harm in admittin our mistakes & try to make up for it.. just like i'm tryin to do now..

oh man..! ok, i'm gonna quit blabberin already.. i'm goin back to sleep now..

can't help it..


what is wrong with me?

why do i smile when you are around?
why are you on my mind before i sleep?
why do i melt when i look into your eyes?
why do i miss you when we part?

oh dear.. this cannot be happenin..! it's not possible..

wishful thinkin on my part i guess..

..i think i'm goin crazy

somewhere across the globe..


he's just so cute..! his smile, the way he speaks english.. really cute..! ahh.. wish he was here.. i shall make plans to go there.. that will be about 10,491 kilometers away.. wOah..!

PROGRESS PACKAGE..! it was in last friday & my sister went to collect my last pay from o'briens & in total i'm $1,000 richer.. hehehe~ guess i will stay rich until june or whenever i start walkin again.. can't wait to get my hands on the money..! a couple of things i might need to get.. gotta be careful that the $1,000 don't disappear in a day.. khehehe~ that will take a lot of resistance & refrainin.. i don't know if i can do that..!

well, i am a happier person now.. reachin out to friends that i've lost, i'm beginnin to fill up those really small patches in my heart.. how i've missed these people.. all those times we've lost, i don't know if i can make it up to you guys.. i miss one particular friend, who has managed to disappear again.. i've kind of put him out of my mind but my mum had to ask how he was doin & then i realised that i miss him & that we don't talk anymore.. in all seriousness, as a friend.. i wonder how he is doin right now.. he has my thoughts & prayers..

anyway, i've got plans lined up from june onwards & i'm lookin foward to my full recovery..! countin down.. 35 days to go before the next medical check-up..!

THANK YOU SO MUCH


first & foremost, a very big thank you to everyone who remembered my birthday.. also an extra big thank you to my beloved relatives & especially my very own family who took the time, effort & trouble to come over at such short notice for the supposedly 'surprise' birthday gatherin.. thank you to sTeVe who was also there to join my family for the gatherin.. *sMiLeZ*



i was really taken aback by the number of people who turned up.. i really, really appreciate it a lot.. this is goin to be one memorable birthday.. not only am i celebratin my birthday as a single for the 1st time, it is also the 1st [& only..!] time i'm celebratin in a cast..!

this year, half of my birthday wish came true.. my dearest, most beloved best girl friend came to visit.. gosh ..! you don't know how surprised, shocked & happy i was..! there i was, sittin in my room, tryin to accept the fact that iDaDi hates my guts & suddenly my mum came in & told me i had a guest.. huh? i wasn't expectin anyone but there she was..! standing right in front of me..! i've missed her so much..! I LOVE YOU, DI.. & i promise i won't hurt you again..



not only that, my best friend from secondary school, aZiLaH, whom i've lost contact with for 6 freakin years remembered my birthday too & we chatted for hours..! i've missed her too..! the girls that i love are back in my life & that's worth more than any gifts put together.. *MuAkZ..!*

i'm still yearnin for the other half of my wish but i guess it won't be granted.. oh well.. you can't get everythin you wish for.. pictures are up in the links section.. help yourself..

heaven knows..


guess what i did yesterday? I WENT OUT..! khehehe... & i literally mean leave my house..! it was pure heaven i tell you.. being cooped up in the house for 26 days, gettin the chance to leave the house was like spendin a day at the spa, great & refreshin.. a friend of mine took me out to watch a pementasan at a community centre, half an hours walk from my place.. met a couple of familiar faces there but didn't really get a chance to go up to them..

anyway, i did a survey of my own & i found out that most 20/21 year old girls & guys that i know of are thinkin way ahead of their age.. i mean their maturity level are different compared to the 20/21's a few years back.. i'm really amazed.. goes to show how much exposure & nuturin can actually make a person..

i've got to stop all these ludicrousness between me & younger guys.. seriously, it's gettin out of hand.. but i have to figure out how.. hhmmm..

oh yes.. gd luck to those takin part in the Perdana this year.. all the best guys..!

date check: 1 week


YES..! 1 more week to my check up & 8 more days to my 23rd..! khehehe~ i'm countin down as i do every year although i don't think it's much of a celebration this year.. maybe i could get brother FFiZ to sing me the "Go Shorty" birthday song that he sings to me every birthday.. well, almost.. khehehe~ anyone willin to celebrate with me..?

anyway, i bruised my knees & the bone in my right knee is just so distorted that it is protudin out from the cap.. ick..! not only are the knees bruised, they are kind of scraped too.. jeez.. i'm going to have ugly knees..!

good news i received yesterday.. my aBg dZuL & YaNNy are gettin engaged on the 18th of june this year.. congrats guys..! the product of my matchmakin.. oh the lovely couple.. how i envy them.. *SiGh* well, my time will come one day & hopefully it'll turn out as lovely & everlastin as theirs.. [dreamin of Beauty & the Beast..] khehehehe~

the phenomena of my 'Fatal Attraction' to younger guys struck me again of late.. again i ask.. "What's with me & younger guys..?" a question that will never stop hauntin me..

fact.. or just bluffin..?

Arena (known to self and others) adaptable, energetic, friendly, silly	Blind Spot (known only to others) accepting, caring, cheerful, complex, confident, dependable, dignified, extroverted, happy, independent, kind, knowledgeable, logical, loving, mature, modest, nervous, observant, responsive, searching, self-conscious, sensible, sentimental, spontaneous, trustworthy, warm, witty
Façade (known only to self) able	Unknown (known to nobody) bold, brave, calm, clever, giving, helpful, idealistic, ingenious, intelligent, introverted, organised, patient, powerful, proud, quiet, reflective, relaxed, religious, self-assertive, shy, sympathetic, tense, wise

Dominant Traits

54% of people think that iDaDeE is cheerful

All Percentages

able (0%) accepting (9%) adaptable (18%) bold (0%) brave (0%) calm (0%) caring (27%) cheerful (54%) clever (0%) complex (9%) confident (9%) dependable (27%) dignified (9%) energetic (9%) extroverted (18%) friendly (45%) giving (0%) happy (27%) helpful (0%) idealistic (0%) independent (18%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (0%) introverted (0%) kind (9%) knowledgeable (9%) logical (9%) loving (9%) mature (9%) modest (9%) nervous (9%) observant (9%) organised (0%) patient (0%) powerful (0%) proud (0%) quiet (0%) reflective (0%) relaxed (0%) religious (0%) responsive (9%) searching (18%) self-assertive (0%) self-conscious (9%) sensible (9%) sentimental (45%) shy (0%) silly (27%) spontaneous (36%) sympathetic (0%) tense (0%) trustworthy (9%) warm (9%) wise (0%) witty (18%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 16.4.2006, using data from 11 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view iDaDeE's full data.

yeap.. that's what my friends have got to say about me.. why don't you create one yourself & let friends tell you the personality traits that you never knew existed in you..? you can never know what they will come up with.. khehehe~

anyway, i've got a few books on pending that needs my attention.. been procrastinatin too much.. my attention has been diverted elsewhere i think.. khehe~ while friendships are being created & some, salvaged, the littlest details like the "abandoned" books were left untouched.. & so is my unruly hair & my overturned wadrobe & plans to clean out my drawers.. *SiGh* procrastination is not good..

the books
john grisham - the painted house
arthur golden - memoirs of a geisha
barbara vines - gallowglass
yann martell - life of pi [re-reading]
clayborne carson & kris shepard - a call to conscience
a. parody - a shite history of nearly everything

sympathy..?


i'm almost done with my write-up.. once done i'm going to let FiE read it 1st before "releasin" it..

anyway, i stumbled upon a friend's blog & i am very touched by what the person described me as.. for those who visited me, you probably noticed that i was in my cheerful mode right..? well, i didn't notice it actually.. i just realized that when i read that particular friend's blog.. in the 1st place, there nothin to be sad about.. it's not the end of the world & i'm not dyin or anythin.. to my friends who sympathize with me, thank you but i just want to say don't.. i don't need the sympathy because your thoughts & prayers will help me get better ok..? i'm sorry guys & i hope i didn't sound snobbish..

anyway, i got aDiBaH's b'day wrong... khehehe~ it's actually on the 14th.. silly me..! 12th was her mum's b'day.. oh well.. people make mistakes..

i've made plans for june/july.. i'm definitely lookin foward to my bintan trip, with or without company & i'm plannin to go tioman with FiE.. yes.. i heard it's cheap & maybe we shall go for a couple of days.. get away from the busy town life & chill out.. but i must remember not to get myself into this condition again or my plans will be ruined & postponed again.. hehehe~

countin down..


2 weeks & countin down.. the wait is such a torment.. ARGH..!! get this bloody cast off me..!! *SiGh* it gets lonely sometimes & it doesn't help that i feel secluded every single day.. like everyone's shunnin away from me or somethin.. hey.. i don't have a disease you know.. whatever.. what's the worse thing that can happen? oh right, i'm not celebrating my birthday.. jeez.. i forgot about that.. well, goodbye bintan.. i'll see you when i'm better i guess..

[me inside]: OH C'MON..! get a grip, girl..! it's just an additional year to your age..! it does not really matter..!

i guess it's right.. it's just another year.. no biggie.. hehehe~ i don't think anyone would actually remember it anyway.. *WiNkZ*

what's important now is that i have to get out of this freakin cast & back on my feet..! i know.. i know.. i've mentioned it a lot of times but it's just a reminder to myself that time waits for no one & i have a lot of things to accomplish & do.. it worries me a lot that i'm not startin school next term.. not to mention i have to go job huntin again once i'm able to walk.. oh & get rid of the HUGE MASS on my arms..! it's so big that my sleeves are tight & it's freakin uncomfortable..!

right now, i miss aZMaN so much.. missin him as a friend actually.. his presence always makes me smile & he knows how to make me forget about all the pain i'm in currently.. gosh.. i guess it's better this way.. for the both of us..

anyway, check out the quote link.. i change it everytime i add in a new entry.. enjoy people..

resurrect[ed]


so what do u think ey..? is the new blogskin nice..? took me 2 evenings to actually get everythin right.. PHEW..! personally, i love this skin out of all the ones that i've used before.. i don't know about you guys, but it kindda has a personal touch to it.. let me just break it down for you..

the picture:- it's my blog.. DUH..!
the song:- it's my favourite song & it's holds a special meanin in my life..
the vines:- the 'Chemical X' of the whole layout.. it gives a dark, sombre touch..
the marquee:- the only thing that moves around here..! reduces the static or stillness in the layout..

i love it..!

anyway, 18 more days to go before i go for my medical checkup.. hopefully the cast will be removed.. it really is a bothersome thing.. the swellin on both my feet's gradually goin down.. syukur alhamdullilah.. i don't think my hopes of walkin in a month's time is going to work out.. the ankles are still swelled up & they still hurt a lot.. oh well.. look on the brightside... at least i'm recoverin..

i'm dyin to get out into the sun..! i miss the beach.. i miss pushin through crowds & gettin pissed after.. i miss Cats In The Cradle.. i miss shop-hoppin for shoes.. *SiGh* i miss EVERYTHIN..!

mimpi..?


kau berdiri tegap dihadapanku..
mimpi-mimpiku nan lalu bagai dirialisasikan..
memberi erti kepada jasad ini,
yang kian lemah dinoda kasih,
dilanda duka..
kembalikan nikmat gembira yang ku ingini,
buat ku yang menagih kasih mu..

the hospital stay


yeah.. the hospital stay.. first things first, i fell off 2 flights of stairs & NO it WAS NOT A MOTORBIKE ACCIDENT.. jeez.. after fallin the 1st short flight, i tried to stand up & walk ALTHOUGH i knew my feet was already in pain.. as i tried to place my right foot on the 2nd long flight of stairs, i realized i couldn't feel my feet & tumbled all the way down.. now, being the stubborn me, i tried standin up again & i fell just as i got up so in the end, i had to crawl all the way to the drain to get my sandals.. after like abt 5 seconds, THEN i felt sharp pains in my heels & ankles..

i was swearin & cursin & makin a big scene at the A&E because of the stupid pain.. at the same time i was tryin to keep myself awake because i felt groggy & there was a sudden urge to close my eyes & just sleep.. well, the doctors & nurses weren't takin me seriously too when i told them i was in great pain so i had to grab their attention.. at long last, they did & sent me for x-rays & at the end of it all, one nurse told me i had to be warded.. damn it..

so, for 13 bloody days, i stayed in that bloody hospital, almost killed myself with boredom & hospital food..! now, i'm at home, still bored & at the verge of depression.. why..? because when i'm not doin anythin, some things come into my mind & i start ponderin abt them & some of these thoughts upset me.. guess 2006 is not such a bright year for me as i expected..

my swollen & bruised feet..

finally home..


yes.. after 13 [DREADFUL] days in the hospital, i'm finally home for good..! only God knows how much i hate being in this full body cast.. *SiGh* thank you to all my friends who took the time to visit me durin my stay in the hospital namely aZMaN, aDiBaH, aLeXiS, sTeVe, FeZZy dear, eFNi darlin, YaSin & the list goes on.. i swore i could die of boredom if i stayed another day there..!

a SPECIAL BIG thank you to aZMaN who came the moment he got the news that i was warded & stayed with me that fateful mornin until my family came & subsequently comin almost everyday, keepin me away from the hospital food, keepin me company until my bedtime.. the sweet thing.. well, he is another story..

too bad none of my girls were in s'pore.. oh well..

my studies crushed, my work affected.. darn it.. i'll talk about my hospital stay another time.. seriously, not in the mood for anythin especially when you can't move or do much of whatever.. some pictures.. enjoy..

figurin it out


yeah.. things look good on my side so far.. but i don't know what's got into me the last few days.. so full of angst..! the slightest of change just makes me wanna scream..!! thank you aZMaN for the company & emotional comfort you provided.. it was a burden, i know, eventhough you never say or show it.. anyway, changin jobs to cater to my school.. can't take the pressure at work.. almost gave up on school assignments but i had to do it with aZMaN's "help"..

please don't go back to the old you.. it's hard to be grounded again but you have to try harder.. you know i'll be here to help but don't do this to yourself again.. everythin is going well for you.. don't spoil it.. there are people who care [& that includes me..] please..

life is like a rollercoaster, full of ups & downs.. knowin you, the pessimistic person you are, please don't let the downs of life bring you down.. live life to the fullest & take everyday as it is.. "Practice What You Preach", my dear.. again, i'm here if you need someone..

i can't believe that i would be mentioned in a stranger's blog.. geez.. me? a "MALAYSIAN malay"?? what?? i'm not tryin to say that i'm VERY patriotic but i just can't accept it when someone changes my nationality so easily, just that like that.. ick..

leavin on a happy note, sayang kau..

patience is virtue..


wOOhOO..! although yesterday we had a brief meet-up, it was enjoyable all thanks to you girls.. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MAKIN YESTERDAY HAPPEN..!

s|z.. so sorry if aZMaN was givin you a hard time yesterday.. he meant no harm.. just fun & laughter.. [actually he couldn't take it that you said he looked like 'LURCH'.. hehehe~] thank you also to you for givin me the patience to not blow up in front of e-BoO.. yes i was frustrated at her but somehow indirectly, you gave me the vibe to just stop, think & give her another chance..

a'Ne.. you were beautiful.. don't worry about what that had happened.. it's just another phase i guess.. things are gonna be ok.. trust me.. oh yeah.. aZMaN calls you 'Cark Klie' now.. hehehe~ you should know why..!

e-BoO.. i was angry.. VERY angry.. but i tried to look at things in another point of view.. thank you for makin it to dinner at a short notice.. i really appreciate that.. i'm sorry for habourin angry thoughts & feelins towards you.. i don't now & i mean it.. btw, just for info, i called you a 'BISKUT' & aZMaN's stuck with that term for you.. ooopps.. just that you are like a biscuit.. sekejap ade, sekejap takde.. hehehe..

oh yes.. patience.. i knew you will change.. i knew we'll be together one day.. i waited & it is gonna pay off.. soon.. pretty soon.. no matter what happens, i'll be behind you..

SINGLES_OUT 3RD ANNIVERSARY

15


FeZZy - 15th Jan
FiE - 15th March
aZMaN - 15th Dec

the ONLY 3 guy friends who i treasure & love SO MUCH have the same birth date..! hahahaha..!

FeZZy, the unknown so far, is my much-loved sweetie friend [or in my term: my free-time friend.. don't get the wrong idea ah..! hehehe~].. we used to chill out together durin our poly days in our spare time [diff polys you see.. he's from SP..] & made each other laugh silly with our crazy antics..! no one can understand us because we're always misunderstood as datin partners maybe because how we joked around & address each other.. none of my friends know about him actually & i'm gonna just leave it as that.. just that we came in contact again recently thanks to eFNi BeBeH..! thank you..! miss my FeZZy so much..!

FiE, my pillar of support.. we're in an unofficial relationship & right now we're "together" for 3 years & 3 months already [inclusive of today's date..] hehehe... always there to lend me a shoulder to cry on, a pair of patient listenin ears & memorable dates.. i hurt you sometimes with things that i share with you without realisin it & i'm really sorry.. don't think i took you for granted because i didn't.. you know i still love you..

aZMaN i don't have to introduce.. tak payah lah aku repeat banyak-banyak kali.. kau tau kan.. kau cacat macam mana pun, pekak macam mana pun, biadap macam mana pun, tetap aku sayang kau tau.. the one guy who always brightens my day with or without his presence.. always in my thoughts & prayers wherever i go.. my motivation in all the things i do, be it work or school.. the sweetest giant of a man that i love so much..!

anyway, HAPPY 3RD ANNIVERSARY TO MY SinGLes_OuT GERLS..! 3 years, my dear girls.. i love you all..!

i can't wait to get away on my birthday..! hahaha..!~ only a handful of people know where i wanna go & with whom i'm going with for my short SIESTA [did i use the right word..?] & those who know, please don't leak out on the location.. i'm really excited about going..! i'm sure the place is as lovely like the pictures i've seen of the it..

i'm so full of LOVE tonight..!

happiness


it's funny how this one life works.. seems like there is always the unhappy aura surroundin it.. no matter how much this one tries to make her life change for happiness, it's bound to turn uneventful.. "What went wrong?" you may ask.. i ask myself that everytime too.. i will be lyin if i say that i have never experienced happiness. i did but it's like when you are struck with a headache & you try to ease it with aspirin [or whatever that helps for that matter] but they only provide a temporary relief.. it's endless i tell you..!

i've said it once [or twice] & i shall say it again.. "For once..! Let me just stay happy..! Is it so much to ask for?" really..! i only want HAPPINESS..

for now i'm contented that i still have my family, my job (not career though) & some of my friends who are willin to go through this phase with me.. one of these days, i'm going to die of a broken heart i tell you.. at the rate these guys are goin, breakin my heart, i'm going to die young [& beautiful too hopefully..] there's nothin i want more in this life, at this age, than happiness for my love life..

Once again i apologize to those guys i've hurt in the past.. i seriously have no intention whatsoever to play around with your feelings.. maybe this is what they call KARMA; 'What Goes Around, Comes Around'..